3. Jules
THREE
JULES
“He’s going to kill me.”
“The hike is steep,” Drew agrees. “All it’s going to take is a little push and you’ll be over the cliff and in the water.”
Wide-eyed, I turn to Lavinia, my only savior from the monster standing in front of me. If he was capable of it, I think he’s almost enjoying himself at my expense.
“Drew isn’t going to push you over the edge,” Lavinia says.
“Not sure I believe your twin telepathy when it’s going to get me murdered.” I reach for her hand, holding it between both of mine. “At my funeral, please don’t lie about me. Tell everyone exactly how feral I’ve been in life.”
Lavinia places her hand over mine so we’re in a hand sandwich, looking at me somberly. “I promise, when you die when we’re in our nineties, I’ll tell everyone exactly how feral you’ve been.”
“Are you two done?” Drew asks the question with a grunt.
Ignoring him, I drop Vin’s hand as I turn to look up at Diamond Head. The 300,000 year old volcanic tuff is our outing for today. If you come on vacation with a bunch of sports people, they make you do sporty things. Like hiking a volcano.
“I’m going to die,” I say with a groan, looking at the steepness of the climb.
“It’s less than two miles,” Roman placates.
I look at him like he’s grown a second head. “I’m not a sports person. I literally sit at my desk all day and play with the people in my imagination.”
Drew does something he rarely ever does--he puts his hands on my shoulders and turns me until I’m facing the climb and gives me a little shove forward. “Start climbing, Juliet.”
I’m wearing a cute little pale blue athleisure set of leggings and a matching sports bra.
When Drew touches me, his hands are on my bare shoulders.
I feel the warmth and roughness of his hands, the press of his fingers on my skin.
It also makes me realize how big his hands are compared to the width of my body.
I step forward hurriedly, out of his reach. I don’t like people touching me.
“Don’t touch me, Andrew. This is a no touching zone.” I start climbing. As long as Lavinia is with me, I’m fine. I look over my shoulder to see her following us.
“I’m not exactly dying to touch you, but I’d rather not spend the rest of the day standing by while you debate if a little exercise is good for you.”
A gentle breeze coming off the Pacific Ocean lifts my hair and I tuck it behind my ear. It’s not that I’m afraid of a little climb. I prefer to spend my vacations luxuriating in the spa, sitting at the beach, or if I’m in Europe, walking around aimlessly.
Anything athletic doesn’t really make the list.
“I know you’re going to be happiest at my funeral,” I grumble.
“We all fantasize about something, Juliet,” he replies drily.
I turn to look at him. Unlike me, he’s wearing a ball cap to protect his porcelain skin. With the cap and his sunglasses, he’s mostly in shadows and I can’t tell if he’s amused or not.
“You fantasize about my funeral?!”
“Almost daily. Don’t pretend you don’t do the same.”
I shrug, turning around as I continue climbing. I don’t know how I’ve become the leader in this, but they’re all following me.
“Well, there is a bottle of champagne I’m saving to open at your funeral,” I muse.
“You two are the weirdest,” Lavinia says from the back. “As much as you hate each other, the two of you won’t be able to survive a day without the other.”
I laugh. “If I never see Andrew again, I’ll be the happiest person alive.”
“Not as happy as me,” Drew says.
“He hates me so much he can’t even let me be happy,” I point out.
“With the way you’re breathing, it’s not going to be long before we’re attending your funeral,” Drew says. I’m not sure if it’s concern or amusement I hear in his tone.
He’s not wrong, though. We’ve barely started and I’m already out of breath.
In my defense, I’m not athletic, never have been.
When Lavinia had her practice and games in college, I used to sit in the arena with a book.
When she went to the gym, I walked at a snail’s pace on the treadmill, my nose buried in a book.
It’s one of the main reasons I know nothing about hockey despite being surrounded by hockey players and enthusiasts my whole life. I’ve never watched a sport and thought to myself that I’d like to try it.
I pause to catch my breath because no one told me climbing stairs was going to be this hard. I’m a generally healthy person. I eat well and I go for walks around the neighborhood.
Gripping the railing, I step to the side to let the flow of people pass me by. A bottle of water appears in my vision. I look at the veiny hand holding it, following it up to an equally veiny forearm and biceps which look like they can easily crush watermelons.
“Is it poisoned?” I ask Drew.
“Right now, would you care if it was?” He arches an eyebrow in question.
Damn it, he has me there. I accept the water begrudgingly and take a sip. It’s cold and my parched throat feels instant relief. Lavinia stands beside me, rubbing a hand on my back.
“Okay, it’s not that bad,” I say. “I’m just a little out of shape and I wasn’t planning on hiking.”
“We can go back,” Roman offers.
“Oh, hell no. I didn’t climb this far only to go back,” I say.
“We’ll take it slow,” Lavinia says. “This isn’t a race.”
They’re being so sweet, which is probably why I feel so embarrassed.
I know they don’t care that I’m not up to their levels of athleticism but I still feel inadequate.
Handing the bottle back to Drew, I start climbing again.
Lavinia and Roman lead this time, holding hands as they climb up in sync.
Drew walks behind them, and I take the rear.
At least I won’t feel like I’m holding them up if I fall behind.
I can’t help noticing that Drew is only a few feet in front of me, his pace slower than it should be. He’s walking at my pace, which is odd. When I slow down, he slows down, when I speed up, he speeds up. He always remains ahead of me, but it’s like he’s aware of me the whole time.
I don’t know whether to be happy or worry about him actually going through with pushing me off the trail and claiming it’s an accident. My only relief is, there’s a lot of people around us, so even if Drew has nefarious plans, someone will catch him in the act.
The only thing which makes this climb worth it is the stunning view of the Pacific Ocean.
The sun shines on the water invitingly, the sky and water meeting off in the distance.
Nature once again reminds us that no matter how hard us humans try, there are some things beyond our control, beyond human destruction.
I feel small and insignificant. How can I stand in front of this endless beauty that was here long before I was born and will remain long after I’m gone?
I feel a pinch in my chest, not from breathlessness.
A pinch of loneliness. Because suddenly life looks like a long uphill battle that I might have to make alone.
I’ve always feared loneliness, and right now that loneliness looks closer than ever.
Lavinia will never leave me, but I can’t deny that her having a husband and maybe children in the future will shift her priorities. Where will I go?
I startle when a bottle appears in my vision.
With a sigh, I look up at Drew, who’s standing two steps above me. As if he’s not tall enough at six foot something. I have to tilt my head back all the way to look at him.
“You should really hydrate,” he says. He has this way of speaking to me that’s not quite condescending, but there’s a definite tone.
“Should I be worried how concerned you are about me suddenly?” I ask. “Did you put arsenic in the water?”
I wish he’d take off his sunglasses so I can see his eyes. Eyes add a lot of context to a conversation and I can safely say that my intuition with the eyes has never led me wrong.
“I considered it.” Drew nods, looking out at the water. “If you die, Lavinia will never get over it, and I don’t want to see my sister upset.”
Unfortunately, I’m forced to admit that’s one of the reasons I tolerate being around him. Drew loves his family and will do anything for them. It’s a family trait. The Callahans can’t stop themselves from being the nicest, most helpful and loving people.
“Thank you,” I say, accepting the water bottle. “But I can take care of myself.”
Drew hums. “Is that why you didn’t bring a water bottle on a hike?”
Heat rises to my cheek as I tilt the bottle up to take a sip. It’s not that I didn’t bring one, I just forgot . It’s still sitting on the nightstand of my room back at the resort.
“You don’t have to share your water with me,” I remind him. “You can leave me to die of thirst. I’m sure Lavinia will understand.”
“Don’t tempt me.” Drew takes the water back and without a word, starts climbing again. With a deep breath, I follow him.
“Don’t go too close to the edge,” Drew says, as we finally reach the top.
“I’m not a child.”
It took us longer than expected to get to the top because we had to stop a lot on our way. The view is definitely worth the hike, though. Sun, sky, water, and luscious greenery as far as the eye can see. As my heart rate lowers back to normal, I feel like I can stay here forever.
“This reminds me of the time Gemma took us hiking at Blue Hill Reservation,” Vin says with a laugh.
“Oh my gosh.” I laugh. “She didn’t stop complaining about that for weeks because her new shoes were ruined. I don’t know what she was thinking.”
Thinking about my aunt always brings with it a twinge of pain. There are days like today, when I’m feeling incredibly small in the world, that I wish I could pick up my phone and call her, hear her booming laugh on the other side. Then I remember that I never can.
Lavinia wraps her arm around my shoulder, resting her cheek on my head.
“What was it she said?” Vin muses in thought. “Oh, yes. Hiking for fun is invented by the same people who make their own granola.”
I chuckle lightly, my aunt’s face flashing in front of my eyes. She used to walk around our kitchen with big rollers in her hair and a silk robe with bell sleeves which dragged behind her.
“To be fair, the man who convinced her hiking was fun did make his own granola,” I say.
Lavinia straightens and looks over her shoulder. I follow her gaze to Drew and Roman, standing off to the side, and not saying anything. Maybe it’s me, but if I was related to someone who’s also my teammate, I’d never shut up.
“Drew used to make granola when we were in college, remember?” Vin says.
“Explains why Gemma told me to stay far away from him,” I say dryly.
“Gemma also told you to stay away from people who wear Birkenstocks,” Vin says, laughing.
“She had a lot of rules and she didn’t like looking at people’s toes.”
Remembering her like this is nice. It’s better than remembering her when I’m alone in the apartment. When Lavinia was there, it was easier. Ever since she moved in with Roman, I’ve been sleeping terribly. Sometimes, I get woken up by a noise and I swear it’s Gemma’s bangles jingling.
“Are you okay?” Vin asks. “You’ve been so quiet.”
There’s a scoff behind me and I don’t even have to turn to know it’s Drew. I turn to him with an arched eyebrow. “If you have something to say, do it to my face.”
Since the sun has shifted in the sky, Drew has removed his sunglasses so I can see when his eyes travel over me. Not like he’s appreciating my female form, more like he’s gauging how easily he can take me in a fight.
“I’ve never seen someone so tiny act so big,” he says.
I gasp. If he’d stabbed me—which I don’t think he’s above doing—it would have hurt less. I step closer to him, pointing a finger at his chest.
“I’m perfectly proportionate,” I say through clenched teeth. “Maybe you’d realize that if you weren’t such a giant.”
“I wouldn’t be a giant to you if you weren’t tiny,” he says.
My mouth opens in shock at the sheer audacity of him. “You know what? I don’t have to subject myself to this. I’m choosing to be zen.”
“That’s going to last about five minutes,” Drew responds.
Taking a deep breath, I release it slowly. I do it again. And then once again. I am an icy tundra. No one has ever been as calm as I am in this situation right now.
Lavinia stands off to the side with her arms crossed, a small, gleeful smile on her face. Roman has a fist pressed against his mouth, slightly turned away from us.
Turning to Lavinia, I grab her hand and pull her to the farthest corner, away from Roman and Drew.
“I’m turning over a new leaf,” I tell her. “From now on, no more fighting with Drew.”
Lavinia purses her lips, rocking back on her heels. Her eyes are trained on the ground as she nods. I cross my arms, squinting at her.
“You don’t believe me,” I say.
Lavinia looks up at me, a sheepish smile on her face. “You have to admit you love fighting with Drew.”
I shrug. “From now on, Drew doesn’t exist. If he doesn’t exist, I can’t fight with him. Turning over a new leaf.”
I nod in agreement with myself. This is the way forward. I’m in my early thirties, I can’t spend my life fighting with Drew.
“Why can’t the two of you just get along?” Lavinia asks.
“Because your brother is a giant grump,” I reply.
With a deep exhale, Lavinia pushes back her hair, her face resigned.
I’m sure she wishes two of her favorite people would get along and be friends.
At this point, I’m not even sure who or what is responsible for the rift between us.
All I know is, Drew and I are like a cat and a cucumber. Two things that will never get along.