39. Jules
THIRTY-NINE
JULES
“Drew, I think I found the perfect person for you,” Dr. C says the next night at family dinner.
My fork pauses halfway to my mouth as Lavinia dissolves into a fit of coughing. Roman gently pats her back as I reach for her glass of water and hand it to her. She takes a small sip, trying to get her cough under control.
“Sorry,” she rasps, her face red. “Taco shell got stuck in my throat.”
I’m sure that’s all that led to the coughing fit. I glance at Drew, who rolls his eyes at Lavinia’s antics.
“Thanks, Mom. But I’m not interested,” he says.
Dr. C looks like she was already anticipating this argument, so she pretends like she didn’t hear Drew. “Her name is Alana and she’s a physicist. She’s very smart, I think you’ll like her.”
“You should give her a chance if Dr. C thinks she’s so nice,” I say.
Lavinia clears her throat delicately as Drew glares at me from the corner of his eyes. I can make this go away in a second if I admit that Drew and I are dating. But given how eager the family is for Drew to settle down, they’ll be planning a wedding before I’m even done talking.
“I’m not interested, Mom,” Drew says slowly.
“You can at least meet her,” Mr. C says from the other end of the table.
“She might be the one,” Gran says.
“It might be a good experience,” Grandma Liz adds.
“Love comes in unexpected ways,” Aunt Constance says.
Drew sets down his fork, turning to look at me, Lavinia, and Roman. He raises his eyebrows. “The three of you don’t have anything to add?”
“If you don’t go, you might be missing out on meeting your soulmate,” Roman says, barely holding back his smile. Even I turn to glare at Roman. The rest of the family doesn’t know, but he does. Why is he talking about Drew meeting his soulmate when I’m right here?
Not that I’m his soulmate. Maybe this relationship isn’t going to last long. Maybe Drew and I will be married and look back on this moment fifty years from now and laugh over the fact that his family peer pressured him into dating someone else.
Maybe I should open my mouth and tell them the truth.
“I don’t think we should push Drew on this,” Lavinia says, looking at everyone.
“We’re not pushing. We’re just saying that life is long and it’s easier when you have someone special to spend it with,” Gran says.
“Exactly.” Grandma Liz nods. “What happens when your friends are settled down and moving on?”
Dr. C turns to Drew expectantly. “Alana and you have a lot in common. She’s also a twin and she’s a former athlete.”
“That’s great,” Drew says. “I’m sure Alana is great, but I’m not interested.”
“She sounds perfect, though,” I say. “I agree, you should give her a chance.”
I’m surprised I’m not plastered to the wall with the look he gives me. Drew’s jaw clenches in anger and under the table, his hand lands on my thigh, squeezing once in warning. Alright, so maybe I shouldn’t tease him.
If he went on a date with someone, I’d be waiting at home with a knife and a large plastic bag to dump his body in.
But teasing him is so fun!
“I’m already seeing someone,” Drew announces.
I nearly choke on my breath. What is he doing? It’s like he doesn’t know his family’s insatiable curiosity!
“What a brave woman she must be to put up with you,” I say.
Drew smirks at me. “She’s an absolute beast.”
“Who is it?” Aunt Constance looks back and forth between us, eyes narrowed. “Jules, do you know?”
“He’s never brought her home,” I say. “For all we know, she might not even exist.”
“She’s real,” Drew says. “She’s a little crazy, but she’s real.”
“She’s dating you, she has to be a little crazy,” I quip.
Lavinia leans closer to whisper in my ear. “The two of you are so weird.”
Yeah, I can’t deny that. But being weird works for me and my soft, grumpy hockey player. Roman changes the conversation, asking everyone about their Thanksgiving plans. We’re just coming up to their one year anniversary, as well.
After dinner, everyone gathers in the living room for coffee and dessert.
Drew offers to get the dessert while I clean away the dishes.
He leans against the counter, his eyes on me as I clean up.
I try to ignore him at first, but it’s as hard as ignoring the sun.
Drew’s eyes burn into me, skimming over my body and making me feel like I’m coming out of my skin.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but it’s not working,” I whisper.
I’m very aware of the fact that if I raise my voice, the family might hear us.
“I’m not trying to do anything.” Drew shrugs, his arms crossed.
I turn on the water, washing the glasses.
I feel his eyes on my bare back. Even though we’re in mid-October and the nights are getting cooler, the days are still hot.
We’re stuck with confused weather for the next little while and I’m not ready to let go of summer, for a lot of reasons, so I’m still wearing my summer clothes.
I picked a dress for tonight. It’s got a round neck and low back, and since it’s midi length, it’s good enough for fall. I could have worn a tee inside, but I decided to go without and just grabbed an oversized thick sweater.
Drew steps up beside me, his fingers grazing my bare back and making me shiver. I feel the touch everywhere in my body.
“Drew,” I say, my voice carrying a hint of warning.
His hand drops immediately. I’m grateful and upset at losing his touch. Sometimes I wish he was just a little pushy. I already know that’s never going to happen because one thing Drew Callahan will never do is be pushy with women.
“Do you really think I should go on a date with Alana?” His voice is low. My skin pebbles, spine tingling with his nearness like I’m freaking Spiderman sensing danger. Only there’s no danger here. There’s only the possibility of pleasure.
“If you want to go on a date with her, you should,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. We haven’t had the ‘are we exclusive’ conversation yet, so he’s free to do whatever he wants. I wash the glass a little too hard.
“Because you wouldn’t mind at all,” Drew says.
“Nope.” I’m pouting and grinding my molars so hard, my dentist will probably be able to tell at my next appointment.
“Liar,” Drew whispers, breath fanning across my ear.
“I’m not lying,” I say. “You should do whatever you want.”
“Like go on a date with another woman,” Drew says.
The family laughs in the living room and I’m acutely aware anyone can walk in here at any moment and find us like this. Standing so close there’s no mistaking what’s between us.
“Yup.”
“Then why have you been washing the same glass for the last fifteen minutes?”
I freeze, looking down at the glass in my hands. My cheeks heat slightly and I clear my throat, setting it on the drying mat. “It was really dirty.”
“Was it?”
I hear the humor in his voice and I don’t know why it makes me irrationally angry.
More angry, I guess. I know it’s my decision not to tell the family and Drew agreed with me.
The anger has been bubbling inside me since Dr. C mentioned finding the perfect woman for him and how he has so much in common with her.
What if Alana is the perfect woman for him?
What if the universe has intended for me to be a transition girlfriend?
The woman he’s with before he meets the love of his life?
Doesn’t that happen all the time, especially with women?
We’re with someone for years, through thick and thin, and just as they--men--panic over the single gray hair, they decide to change everything about their life, including their life partner.
I’m not saying Drew will. But who’s to say he won’t?
“Jules?” Drew frowns, grazing my cheek with the back of his fingers.
I turn off the water, not looking at him. I don’t want him to see the vulnerabilities shining in my eyes.
“I need a minute.”
There are stairs in the kitchen leading up to the second floor and I take them up before Drew can stop me. I walk toward Lavinia’s old room, knowing I’ll be safe here. At the last minute, I turn, opening the door next to her room.
Drew’s old room is dark, slivers of moonlight coming in through the barely open blinds. I turn on the lamp at the desk, chasing away the darkness. Where Lavinia’s walls are covered in accolades and team meets, Drew’s are completely bare.
There’s a tack board above the desk, which has a picture of the three of us from some hockey meet their team won.
I’m sure the only reason he didn’t cut me out of it is because I’m standing in the middle, Lavinia and I hugging each other.
Drew looks as grumpy as ever, his arms crossed, mid eye roll.
There’s a sketch of a bird. An old history paper, the A grade circled twice. I finger it, remembering when he got it. I remember the proud and shy smile on his face when our teacher announced there was the only student in class who got this grade.
My eyes shift up and I frown when I see the bundle of papers, my name typed across the front page. I remove the tack, flipping through the pages in disbelief. How does he have this? Why does he have this?
The door opens behind me and I don’t even have to look up to know it’s Drew.
“I thought you’d be in Lavinia’s room,” he whispers. The door closes behind him softly.
“Why do you have this?” I turn, holding the papers up.
He looks at what I’m holding, his face half in shadow. Face remaining expressionless, he blinks once, eyes meeting mine.
“I thought you might want it one day.”
“In ten years you’ve never once brought it up,” I say. “I threw this in the garbage.”
“And I got it out because Professor Rickman was an uptight asshole who thought if you weren’t the next Kafka or Tolstoy, you didn’t have any business writing.
” Sighing, Drew taking one tentative step closer.
“Your work is beautiful, Jules. I know you wrote this short story about Gemma. I promise I haven’t read your pain and vulnerabilities and lied to you all these years.
I didn’t want you to throw it away over a man. ”
I hug the short story to my chest, the one that carries my pain and heartbreak over losing my only true family. I shouldn’t have shown it to my professor and I shouldn’t have fucking taken it to heart when he told me I’ll never amount to much as an author.
Jokes on him because I’ve sold more books than he’s written in his lifetime.
“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather date Alana?” I look up at Drew. “She probably doesn’t have a lifetime of trauma she’s bringing into the relationship.”
Drew takes another step forward, so close now that his chest almost brushes against mine.
“Neither of us knows that for sure,” he says. Tucking a piece of hair behind my ear, he brushes his thumb over my cheek.
“Before you, I’d gotten used to being alone.
There were women who were interested, but I could never bring myself to imagine dating them or letting them touch me.
I felt nothing. Being with you is like shining a light into a room that’s been dark and closed off for a long time.
Life just makes more sense when I’m with you.
There’s a difference between being with someone, and being with someone with whom those tiny little moments that make up life make sense. ”
His eyes meet mine, lips tilting up slightly. “But I can still date Alana, if you want. I know you’re a fan of love triangles.”
I growl a little, fisting my hand into his shirt and pulling him down. “You’re not ready for the person I’ll become if you let another woman touch you.”
Heat flashes in his eyes. “So possessive, Beasty.”
“You have no idea,” I say.
I press my mouth against his in a hard kiss. Alana might be perfect for him, but he’s mine.