Chapter Twelve
Nate
I stare up at the burned remains behind the bright yellow caution tape and take a deep breath.
The Barrett Estate is officially mine, but I’m not out of the woods yet.
There’s still the issue with the insurance, who has to send someone out and investigate again now that I officially own it, and I’m probably going to have to figure out how long it will take to make the place liveable, because I don’t know how much longer I can stand living in Lacey’s guestroom.
Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great roommate.
But every day when I come home, all I can see is that damn streetlight at the edge of the road, and it always makes me think of AJ, who I haven’t seen since he kissed me.
Well, kissed me and got me off, which I was not expecting, but I was not complaining because fuck, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever done, for sure.
I need to stop thinking about him. About what we did.
It’s clear he wants to forget about it, because if he didn’t, he’d say something.
I see him all around town—the store, the park, the damn animal rescue fundraiser.
Hell, just yesterday, I saw him at the fucking gas station filling up his truck, which just reminded me of that night, and how he pressed my body against the side and—
You’re not doing yourself any favors, Nate. Seriously.
I rip down the tape, figuring now’s as good a time to start as any and attempt to start collecting debris. I’m hot as hell by the time I’ve got one section cleared, and I groan. This is going to take forever.
Maybe this is a bad idea. I plop down on the bottom step, letting out a heavy sigh and shake my head.
I should’ve never stayed here. I should have left when I had the chance after the fire. Maybe then…
“Need a hand?” a voice calls, and I look up to see a familiar white pickup in front of my gram’s house. Well, my house, I guess, now. Until I figure out what the fuck I’m doing with it.
AJ’s voice carries across the way, and I debate how to answer him. He hasn’t spoken to me, or looked at me, in two weeks, despite how much I’ve seen him around, so I’m not sure what I should do.
I could easily tell him no, and I’m sure he’d just drive off without a care. Clearly what happened between us didn’t mean shit to him. Not like it does to me. I mean, I know I shouldn’t care, but I do.
Not just because of how amazing it was, but because I can’t stop thinking about the way AJ leaned his head on my shoulder and his strained voice as he called my name.
Like he was scared or something, which I know doesn’t make sense.
He’s a firefighter. What the hell could I do apart from jumping into a burning building, to scare a guy like him? That’s insane.
The truck engine dies as he shuts it off and a moment later he’s out, walking across my lawn, and I realize I’m going to have to say something. Shit.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, as he stops before me. I don’t move from my step, and he doesn’t move from the sidewalk. The space between us isn’t huge, but it feels like it is bigger than the both of us.
“I was… in the neighborhood.” He shrugs, his tone nonchalant.
“Uh huh. Right.”
AJ twirls his keys as he glances over the house, at the small pile of trash I’ve built, which isn’t much in the grand scheme of things. He nods, then turns around, giving me his back, and I silently curse myself for being a dick.
I watch as he gets in his truck and wait for him to leave, telling myself it’s better this way.
But then he starts backing up his damn truck, straight across my lawn, and I panic until he gets a mere few feet away from me, parks it, and turns it off.
When he gets out of the driver’s side, I have to do a double take.
“What are you doing?”
AJ doesn’t answer me. Instead, he heads straight for my trash and tosses it in the bed of his truck.
Then he heads back to the opposite side of the house and starts to lift out a charred piece of furniture which looks like a chair.
He throws it into his truck bed with ease, which is hotter than it should be.
“AJ…” I get up and walk over to him, but he ignores me.
“AJ!” I call out, but once again he doesn’t answer me. Just keeps finding things to pick up—drawing attention to his muscles again—and toss in his trunk.
So I step in front of the truck bed and narrow my gaze as I snap, “Answer me, damnit!”
AJ smirks, raising an eyebrow.
“Do you always tell people to do shit and they listen?” he chides, his tone firm and strangely sarcastic.
I gape as I realize what he’s doing.
“No,” I bite, feeling my cheeks flush. “Do you always trespass on people’s property?”
I cross my arms, my heart starting to race again. I don’t move, and neither does he, and once again I realize how close we are. Close enough I can smell his smokey-cedar scent which smells so fucking good…
“If you want me to leave, tell me to leave,” he says with a shrug.
I scowl as fury fills my blood.
This fucking asshole… I swear.
“That’s what I thought,” he says as he gives me his back and heads to the debris. I follow him without question.
“What the fuck are you doing? I didn’t—”
I nearly run into him as he turns around, which almost makes me fall, but AJ catches me like a hot potato.
“If you want me to leave, tell me to leave, Nate.”
I stare at him in disdain, opening my mouth, but… the words don’t come out.
Why can’t I tell him to go? What the fuck is wrong with me?
“Can I ask you a question, Bright Eyes?” he asks, his voice still cocky and sharp, but I don't hate it. Not one bit.
I cross my arms. “Technically, that is a question.”
AJ smirks, licking his lips, but he doesn’t answer, and I realize he is waiting for me to say yes or no.
“Depends on what you ask,” I bite.
He grins.
“What do you crave more? Someone to take control and tell you what a good boy you are, or…”
My eyes widen, because that’s not what I expected.
He lets out a long breath. Fifteen seconds. Shit.
That’s ominous as hell.
His dark brown eyes hold my gaze like steel.
“Do you want someone to be good for you?”
I blink, unsure of what to say.
I don’t know how to answer him. I open my mouth, but no words come out. I try again, but it’s like there’s a lump in my throat preventing me from speaking.
“You don’t know, do you?” he says carefully, moving around me to grab some more debris.
“What does that have to do with—”
“It’s a simple yes or no answer, Nate.”
“No, it’s not, it’s—”
He throws a beam of wood up into the truck like it’s a feather.
“Why are you here?” I ask, my blood boiling. “Why now, after all this time?”
“Tell me your answer, and I’ll tell you mine,” he says matter-of-factly.
The nerve of this man. Why is he so… so…
I let out a frustrated growl and don’t miss his sexy grin.
“It’s not that simple!”
AJ turns, backing me up against the bed of his truck, and the gasp that leaves my throat sounds fucking desperate, even to me. My body freezes beneath his gaze and I’m acutely aware of every breath, every heartbeat in my chest.
“Of course it is,” he says, his voice low and firm. My cheeks heat, my cock hardens, and I think I feel dizzy. “It’s frustrating, isn’t it?” he says, his gaze darkening. He doesn’t touch me. Doesn’t press me against the truck, though I can’t help but think about how I wish he would.
How I wish he would kiss me again and make me feel like he did the last time I saw him.
Powerful.
“When you don’t get what you want.”
I gape, not at his words, but at his tone. It’s not sweet or soft or even sympathetic. It’s full of authority. And something about that awakens a part of me I’ve only ever felt in his presence.
“Yes,” I growl as I push him. He moves back a couple inches, but doesn’t stumble.
“Does that feel good?” he says, that sharp tone like a knife but also strangely… soothing.
He advances on me like a shark, making me stumble back, and I growl in response.
“Fuck you, AJ.”
He grins as he backs me up against his truck, and I move to push him again, but instead, my hand wraps around his throat and before I can even grasp what is happening, I’m spinning us around and slamming him back against his truck. His gaze holds mine and his lips part as he lets out a low chuckle.
“Make you all hot and bothered?” His voice is some weird mix of tempting, bitter, and sexy as hell. Like he likes this.
Like he wants this.
Like he wants me. Like this.
I don’t know how I feel about that, but my cock doesn’t seem to mind one bit judging by how fucking hard I am all of a sudden.
When did that happen?
“What do you want to do to me, Nate?” He doesn’t move, his body still beneath me. I feel his pulse, racing in his neck against my palm, feel the rise and fall of his chest. My hand on his throat…
It’s a strange sight, but I can’t deny it feels good.
Really, really good.
“Do you want to hurt me?” he asks.
“No.” The word comes easily. I don’t want to hurt him. I just—
“What do you want?” The authority in his voice is still there, but it’s different. It’s not commanding, it’s almost pleading.
“Don’t think,” he orders. “Just say it.”
I growl as I let go of him and move back. His throat is pink from my grip, and I suck in a breath.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
AJ smirks, shaking his head. “You didn’t hurt me.”
I look at his neck, unable to take my eyes off of the pink handprint.
“I know my limits,” he says, that authority coming back as panic sets in.
My breath catches.
What’s happening to me?
He doesn’t move as I take a step back. The world feels like it’s closing in, and I feel like I can’t breathe.
“Do you want me to leave?” he asks carefully.
“No,” I say without question.
“Hmmm,” he hums quietly.
“Are you going to? Leave?” I ask, my voice shaking. I glance at him, fear and panic swelling like a hurricane.
“No,” he says as he takes two steps towards me, and I feel like a bomb waiting to go off.
“May I touch you?” he asks, and I think it’s the softest sound I’ve ever heard.
There’s a sweetness to his voice that I’ve never heard before and mixed with his gravely rasp, it’s strangely comforting. I like it more than I should.
“Yes,” I say without question, without thought.
AJ grabs my wrist gently and pulls me close, wrapping his arms around me and I fall into him without a second thought. I bury my head against his chest and the tears come like rain.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asks, his voice so soothing and warm, I think I could die here, like this.
I shake my head. “No,” I cry. “Please, don’t let go.”
AJ hums again, his hands rubbing soothing lines up and down my back.
“I won’t,” he whispers. “Not until you tell me to, okay?”
When the tears stop, I feel better. Like I can breathe again, and I let out a low sigh of relief.
I break away from him, but keep my hands on his hips. I look up at him, noting the glimmer in his eyes, as if he too was crying. But that’s crazy, right?
“Feel better?” he asks, reaching to wipe my cheeks. It’s so different from the last time he touched me.
It feels almost… intimate.
I nod. “I think so.”
“Good,” he says, pulling back from me.
“What was that?” I ask, blinking.
“What did you—”
“I just gave you what you needed,” he says carefully.
“Why?” I ask as I settle next to him against the truck. AJ lets out a low breath.
“Because I know what it’s like,” he says softly.
“Is that your kink?” I sarcastically drawl. “Violence?”
He chuckles. “Not quite.”
I run a hand over my face. “But that is a kink, isn’t it?”
He laughs. “Yup.”
“Maybe that’s mine,” I gripe.
“Nope,” he says carefully. “It’s not.”
“How do you know?”
He pushes off the truck and heads back for the debris, and doesn’t answer me. But I guess I don’t expect him to.
When the truck is completely full, I nearly gasp at how much we were able to clean up. The yard looks so much better, but there is still a lot to do. It’s going to take a while.
AJ starts the car up.
“Thank you,” I say, softly meeting his gaze. “For... helping me.”
I’m
Not sure if I mean for the fire, or Shadows or cleaning up… or for not freaking about how I freaked out earlier.
I can’t deny whatever happened between us… it’s like a weight has been lifted.
AJ smiles, leaning out the car window.
“Don’t thank me yet,” he says. He licks his lips. “Not until the job’s done.”
Does that mean he's coming back?
The thought makes me nervous and excited all at once, and I bite my lip.
“Right,” I whisper, my heart in my throat.
My phone rings, and I break his gaze, moving to check it. It’s Lacey.
“Better get that,” AJ says.
The words come out of me far too easily.
“Yes, Sir.”
AJ murmurs a sound that goes straight to my dick.
“Good boy,” he says smoothly.
And with that, he leaves me in his dust.