Chapter 6
Chapter Six
VIOLET
C hase seemed not-okay when I got home from my class on Saturday. I saw on him a look that I often resembled myself. He wore a smile on his face, performing a little as he played Monopoly Junior with Bri and Trey. But his eyes told me something was wrong.
It wasn’t the kind of thing I could ask him about in front of the kids. I would wait until they went upstairs. Chase had thought to take them to the movies so they wouldn’t be home when my date arrived. It was thoughtful and it made me think that Chase really was fine with me dating. I couldn’t dwell on why I was disappointed.
“Mommy!” Trey exclaimed the second he noticed me standing in the door. As usual, he ran and launched himself toward me, practically jumping into my arms for a hug. “What did they teach you in class today?”
I started in on a brief overview of lighting design while I issued a hug to Trey, a hair stroke to Bri, and a shoulder squeeze to Chase. They were playing on the living room floor, so I lowered myself to watch them finish the game. Once it was over, I shooed Bri and Trey upstairs to get ready for the movie while I helped Chase clean up the set.
“What time is he picking you up?” Chase casually asked as he put deed cards in color order. I didn’t like that he was still keeping up his fa?ade.
“Hey,” I said gently. “What’s going on with you?”
The troubled sigh he heaved confirmed that something really was wrong. “Am I that easy to read?”
I shrugged. “I wouldn’t quite call you Captain Obvious. Maybe Lieutenant Obvious or Driver Engineer.”
It was a good joke, but he barely smiled.
“Chase, what is it?” Now I was alarmed. “Do you need me to stay home?”
The instantaneous suggestion proved how readily I was willing to give up this date—that I didn’t really wanna go and was maybe looking for an out.
“What? No. I’m sorry. Really, Vi—I’m fine. And the kids will be fine, too. I don’t want you worrying about me. Worry about having a good time on your date.”
He looked miserable as he said it—so miserable I rolled my eyes.
“I won’t have fun on my date if I’m out there worried about you.”
His eyes darted toward the stairs, as if to make certain the kids weren’t coming.
“I got a visit from Forrest. He wants me to come back.”
I trod carefully. “He’s wanted you to come back since the day you left.”
Chase leaned back against the couch. “This time, he’s serious about it. He’s been over twice in the past week. You know how he gets when he really wants something.”
“Yeah, I do know how,” I murmured, even as my heart began to race. Now it was me who was pretending to be okay when I was not. I had already lost my husband to the Green Valley Fire Department. Had been on tenterhooks every time he went out on a big call. I’d lived in a constant state of legitimate anxiety. If Chase went back to the fire service, I’d be right back in that mental space again. I honestly didn’t think I could take it.
“So now you know what’s bugging me,” Chase rejoined. “Which means you can stop worrying about me. Now, go get all gussied up for Rod.”
That last part was delivered with playful sarcasm, but I managed a small smile.
“I never should’ve told you his name.”
From there, Chase stood up and extended his arm downward, lifting me to standing. He was still built like a firefighter was, his muscles rock hard beneath his shirt. He pulled me up like I weighed nothing, then both of us were up. He was tall enough and I was short enough that he towered over me, then fixed me with that soft, green gaze.
“Thanks for caring enough to worry about me.” He gave me a small smile.
“Thanks for telling me what was wrong.” I gave my own small smile and hoped he couldn’t see me blush. He pulled me in for one of his hugs and—I couldn’t help it—I melted in.
Chase’s hugs were epic, born of a time when both of us had been deep within our grief—a time when I would break down from the overwhelm and cry on his shoulder for what felt like hours. In the early days after Todd’s death, there were moments when we had literally clung to each other, offering comfort that was intimate and raw.
We’d moved past a lot of it, but the hugs? They had stuck. They were steady. And warm. And safe. Somewhere along the line, I’d realized Chase was so much more to me than a shoulder to cry on. And that I liked his comfort a little too much.
He kissed the top of my head. I didn’t want to let go, which was a sure sign that I should. When we pulled back, he pinned me with a reassuring look.
“Now go get ready, and don’t worry about me. I promise. I’ll be fine.”
It turned out I was not fine. Thoughts of Chase returning to the fire service had me rattled. So did going out with a man who wasn’t Todd. It was triply unsettling that I couldn’t remember how I was supposed to act on a date. It had been so long since I’d even been on one.
Todd and I hadn’t strictly dated, not in the traditional sense. He used to say he’d fallen in love with me at first sight. It had certainly felt that way. We’d met each other simply—one night out to dinner with mutual friends. After that, he was everywhere.
It didn’t take long for him to decide that I was his, and he was mine, and that the two of us needed to be together. That was how he had been—bold and confident, bossy and charismatic—but so lovable, you couldn’t help but follow his lead.
Not long after we met, he went away to training school. We were long distance for a while. On one of his weekends home, I got pregnant with Bri. From there, it was doctor visits and shopping for a house, and eloping in Las Vegas. It was a few brief months of domestic bliss. Then, Bri came and we really were a family. We were so happy, I never looked back, never regretted it, never thought twice most days. But I hated the days he went on calls.
“Violet.” Rodney smiled brightly when I opened the door. His teeth were so white, they gleamed—a contrast to his weathered, suntanned skin. “You sure do look nice.”
“You, too,” I complimented, though he looked the same as he did every time we’d met. That wasn’t to say he was underdressed for our date, but rather that he overdressed for the kinds of simple tasks he’d been there for when I’d seen him on the farm.
He had on expensive jeans and a crisp, button-down shirt that had its top two buttons undone; his face looked like it was chiseled out of stone; his longish hair was wavy and framed his face like a lion’s mane. As usual, he looked like he’d spent more time on his appearance than I had—not that there was anything wrong with a man who took pride—and he wore a lot of cologne.
“You all ready?” He looked over my shoulder in a way that told me he was curious about my space. He knew that I had kids. I prided myself on the fact that my house didn’t look like a Gymboree. It was old and smallish, so I’d run with shabby chic. The pieces I’d accumulated from garage sales and thrift stores were tastefully assembled—a mishmash of light, weathered wooden furniture and reclaimed chandeliers. I’d made smart choices in my neutral paint colors and had splurged mostly on resilient rugs and seating with upholstery I could clean. It wasn’t my dream house, but it was home and I was proud of what I’d done.
“Let me just grab my purse.” I backtracked a few steps to pluck my bag off of the front table, then joined him on my front stoop. My purse wasn’t large, but it had all my important things. Lip gloss, which I always wore; a Taser my friend Loretta had taught me how to use; and my emergency fifty. It didn’t have much real function in the age of Apple Pay, but my dad had taught me to carry one.
Out on my driveway, I found a huge surprise—huge in the literal sense. The largest Hummer I’d ever seen took up the space of two cars. It was bright yellow and all suped up, with grills and racks and the kinds of lights up top I couldn’t even name. The thing was so large, it looked like it could comfortably seat eight.
Rodney opened the passenger door. Even with the chrome step that dropped down for me to set foot on, getting up into that thing felt like mounting a horse. After shutting me inside, he jogged around and got in. He started the engine, but didn’t move the car. I swung my gaze over to him, to find him staring in the rearview. He couldn’t have been scanning for nonexistent traffic—we were sitting in my driveway. He was looking in the mirror. At himself.
“We going off roading in this thing?” I made my question sound light. This was a lot more car than I usually saw in Green Valley, which was saying something for a place where men compared the size of their trucks.
My voice jarred him out of whatever he was doing and he finally engaged the gear shift. “No, but we’re headed somewhere remote.”
His attention shifting to the road meant that he hadn’t seen my frown. It was a creepy thing to say to a woman on a date. “Not too remote, I hope.”
“I figured we’d head to Sky Lake, do a little fishing. When I can, I like to catch my food. You ever been to the western campground? It’s got a nice place to see the stars and build a fire. What I catch there is some of the best lake trout you’ll ever eat.”
It did sound mildly romantic. Showed that he was down-to-earth. It might even save me from my own self-consciousness. I was dreading what folks would say when they saw me out with another man. Green Valley was a small town. Wondering what to say if I ran into one of Todd’s friends was giving me legitimate anxiety.
“Oh, okay. Fishing sounds nice.” I turned back toward my recently vacated driveway. “But maybe I ought to go back and change my clothes.”
“Don’t worry, darlin’.” He winked a blue eye. “You won’t have to lift a finger.”
Rodney made good on his word. Just over half an hour later, he settled me into a reclining chair on the lake to let me sit back and watch him fish.
He’d built up a fire in the pit behind us and set out a steel campfire grill. He’d brought along a well-stocked cooler—beer for him and hard cider for me. Our backdrop was beautiful—the sunset and the lake. I appreciated the effort and the nature energy, and would have liked the company a whole lot more if Rodney hadn’t spent the whole time talking about himself.
Technically, I had asked him questions in a small talk kind of way. That was what people on first dates did. I just hadn’t expected his answers to be so lengthy. Simple questions, like where he was from and what had gotten him interested in the party rental business yielded answers that were thorough to the extreme.
Rodney didn’t just give the long version of the story—he meandered. By the time the fish was cooked, I was starting to feel like I had in my class that morning—like I was in a lecture and I ought to be taking notes. But there were silver linings to his interest in himself. He was attentive to me, but not too attentive. As in, he didn’t seem too interested in physicality or sex. Not feeling cornered into confronting expectations I wasn’t ready to meet felt like relief.
“How long you been working for Chase?” He finally let me get a word in edgewise after he fixed me a plate.
“A few years now,” I replied. “But I’m in school for interior design; double major in business administration.”
“Impressive.” Rodney’s bright-eyed nod and approving look seemed sincere. “I like a woman with a mind for business. What are you gonna do with your degree?”
I took a deliberate breath, not sure I had ever said this out loud. “I’ve put away some money. I’m hoping to come into a little more. Once I’ve saved up enough, I’m going to buy a building.”
“A building?”
I nodded. “That old horse and tack store downtown? The one that’s been vacant for more than a year? The one that nobody wants because it’s so dilapidated?”
Rodney frowned in thought. “The one on the corner of Valley and Main? On the block behind Eager Beaver’s?”
I nodded. “I can’t afford it yet, but I’ve got my eye on that place. I want to open a studio of my own.”
Rodney gave a low whistle. “Buying a building is no joke. I own a few myself. Do you know Dick?” Rodney was really looking at me now.
“Dick who?”
“Dick Wiener, the commercial real estate agent. He’s your go-to guy for commercial property. If you don’t know him yet, I’ll introduce the two of you.”
From there, Rodney resumed another long stint of talking about himself. To his credit, some of the horn-tooting he did this time was on my behalf. Telling him my plans for my business had yielded a rundown of all the people he knew who might be able to help.
He noticed at least a half hour too late that the night was getting cold. It wasn’t until I asked for a blanket that he suggested we pack up.
“You want to head into town for a nightcap?” he asked once the camp was cleaned up.
“Another time?” I asked sincerely. It was only ten o’clock but I was tired. I was always tired as the mother of young children; but the night air and him droning on hadn’t done the situation any help. I was also fairly certain that two weeks’ worth of emotional buildup had finally come crashing down now that the moment I’d anticipated had finally arrived.
He drove me back to my place in more balanced conversation, a fact that I was thankful for. The porch light was on when we approached the house. The Hummer was loud and I hoped that it wouldn’t wake up my neighbors. But that thought rested in the back of my mind when I remembered what might happen next.
I couldn’t rightly say that I felt much chemistry with Rodney. But I was on a date and the man was about to walk me to my door. I’d had years to think about the moment that was about to happen. I should have been prepared. Should have had a plan to set boundaries. Should have had a frank conversation with myself about what I was ready to do. But I had no idea what I would do if he came in for a kiss.
“I had a real nice time, Violet.” He said it as he helped me dismount from the car—kept hold of my hand as he walked me to the door. It was the first time he’d touched me all night. I was grateful for the fact that he really had been a perfect gentleman. But I couldn’t get a read on how much he liked me. And I couldn’t tell what he might do next.
“I’m headed out of town on Tuesday. A little expedition in the bush. But I’d like to see you again. Maybe the week I come back. Can I give you a call?”
I nodded stiffly. I would have agreed to anything right then. Could he tell that I was trembling or was that something I could only feel on the inside?
“Great.” He stopped walking and peered down at my face. We’d stepped up on to my stoop—it was as far as we could go without walking through my door. He rounded on me and took my other hand.
“Rodney.” I heard the panic in my own voice, but was lost for what to say. He hadn’t actually kissed me yet. Could I proactively say no to something he hadn’t tried?
He took a step closer. That was when I heard a ruckus coming from behind the house. I frowned, stepping back instinctively. If there was a prowler or a rogue animal on my property, I needed to check it out. The closer I listened, the better I was able to identify what I was hearing. The rumbling sound was getting louder, but where was it coming from? I took another step away from Rodney and craned my neck to look past my front hedges. That was when I saw a tall male figure emerge from behind the garage. It wasn’t a prowler. It was Chase.