Chapter 8 April
APRIL
My heart thumps louder every time Grant sets down a dish before me.
We spent an amazing day together. I got to know my silly niece and also the mischievous man who’s her father.
I helped bathe Bailey and put her to bed, and now we’re sitting at the dining table while Grant serves up spaghetti bolognaise.
“You want a glass of wine?”
My mouth goes dry at the thought of wine. But I don’t trust myself to drink. Not yet. It’s too soon.
“I’d prefer soda if you have one?”
He brings me a can of soda and thankfully doesn’t ask any questions about why I don’t drink. My back’s acting up after the walk today, and I rub it absentmindedly.
“What happened to your back?” Grant asks.
I pull my hand away from my lower back.
“It’s an injury that acts up sometimes.”
He sips his beer. “Oh yeah? What happened?”
I’ve been rolling a coil of spaghetti around my fork and I stuff it into my mouth now, giving me time to think while I chew.
I hate talking about the accident. It brings up so many bad memories, not of the actual accident but of what happened after. It’s the exact moment I can pinpoint when my life got turned upside down, and everything spiraled out of control from there.
“I was ice skating.”
Grant raises an eyebrow. “You like to skate?” He seems excited, and I guess living in the mountains means he’s an outdoorsy person.
Like the person I used to be.
“I haven’t skated since the accident.”
He frowns at me. “I’m sorry. There’s awesome skating here in the winter.”
A pang of regret pierces my chest. I used to ice skate and hike and do fun stuff until the darkness took over and changed everything.
“So what happened? It must have been a bad fall.”
I swallow my mouthful. “It was. I was with Karen and some friends. She’d been drinking, which isn’t a great idea when ice skating.
She pulled me out onto the ice and was all wobbly.
There was a frozen island in the middle of the lake, and she had her back to it.
She spun me around too fast and let go. I crashed into the barrier and landed on my back against a tree. ”
“Ouch.” He winces.
“Yeah, it was an unfortunate angle. I had a spinal fracture.”
“You broke your back?” He looks shocked, and I’m used to this reaction.
I couldn’t believe it myself when the doctor told me. The pain made me pass out, and I came to in an ambulance with Karen clasping my hand. Tears were streaming down her face, and she was whispering, “I’m so sorry,” over and over.
“I needed surgery, then a back brace.”
His gaze is pure concern. “I’m so sorry. That must have been painful.”
I swallow another mouthful. If I’d been stronger, if I’d put up with the pain, things might have been different.
“The recovery took a long time. I had chronic pain for months.”
“I’m so sorry.” Grant’s looking at me with pity in his gaze, and I drink it in. This is the good part of my story. The part where I’m the wronged sister garnering all the sympathy.
“I didn’t speak to Karen for months. I blamed her for the accident.”
Which was stupid. If I’d known my days with my sister were numbered, I would have forgiven her sooner. So much wasted time.
I take a gulp of soda, because thinking about all of this really has me wanting something stronger.
Karen had been reckless ever since our parents passed.
I was the sensible one who kept her in check.
I was always telling her to slow down, to drink less, to respect her body more.
I was furious when her antics got me stuck in a hospital bed for nine months.
It was only when she called with the news that she was pregnant that I saw her again. Bailey was born a few months later. But by then, I was the reckless one.
But I’m not ready to tell Grant all of this. He’s been looking at me all day like he wants me, like he’s interested in me, like I’m someone worth spending time with. And it’s been a long time since anyone looked at me like that.
Not to mention the way my body’s responding. Every time he’s near, my knees go weak and my core tightens. He’s awakened something inside me that I thought had died in my accident.
“How about you? How did you end up halfway up a mountain?”
The subject change isn’t lost on Grant. I’ve given him all I can for now. The wounds are still too fresh, and if I keep talking, they might crack open.
Besides, if he knew all of my story, he’d probably chuck me out of his house. And the more time I spend time with Grant, the more I crave him.
It’s not just about Bailey now. I’m developing feelings for this man.
We talk easily for the rest of dinner, and Grant tells me about his life on the mountain but little about the military.
I’m not the only one with demons. Grant skirts around his experiences in the military but talks for hours about his bikes and the MC he’s a part of.
They sound like good guys, and it makes me wistful thinking about the way they treated me last night, like I was part of a family.
I wonder if I’ll ever have that. A family of my own.
“Penny for them?”
I’m snapped back to the present by Grant’s question.
I’m helping him with the washing up, and my hands are in the sink as I stare out the window at the dark forest. Grant’s looking at me curiously with a half-smile. In the dim evening light, the flecks in his hair shine silver and make him look even more handsome than in the daylight.
My body trembles at how close he is.
“Um, I was just thinking about going home.”
His expression darkens, and he drops the dishcloth he’s holding on the counter. “When do you need to be back?”
I lower my eyes. I haven’t told him that I walked out on my job. That I left everything in West Virginia, because if I stayed, I was scared I’d get pulled back to the darkness.
That I didn’t have any other plan than coming here, connecting with my niece, and saving her from the bad man I imagined him to be.
“I’ve got a few more days.” It’s not a complete lie, but it still feels like acid in my throat. He’s looking at me intensely and with such raw emotion that I catch my breath.
“You can stay here.”
For a moment I think he’s asking me to stay permanently, but that would be stupid. I’ve only just met him. He can’t mean that. He must just mean while I’m here.
“Thank you.”
He takes a step closer, and his breath caresses my cheek. I turn my head to him, and our gazes meet. Then his lips are on mine, firm and warm and sending tendrils of white heat through my body.
Our bodies move together, and I pull my hands out of the sink. He takes them in his and puts them around his waist, not caring that I’m dripping water everywhere.
His body pushes into mine until I’m up against the sink, moving my hips against his. The power of him has my core aching and he lifts my hips up, balancing me on the edge of the sink and sending water cascading over the edge.
It splashes on the floor, and that seems to break the spell. Grant steps back, and a look of regret crosses his face.
“I’m sorry.”
Disappointment stabs at my heart. I want him to kiss me again. I want to get lost in his heat and feel the solidness of him against me. I want his realness, the first good and true thing I’ve felt in months.
“Don’t be sorry.”
He takes another step back. “You’re vulnerable, and I’m taking advantage.”
Confusion clouds my brain until I remember our conversation in the woods. He thinks I’ve had mental health problems; he thinks that’s what I’ve been dealing with.
“It’s okay.” I shake my head. “It’s not what you think.”
He runs a hand through his hair.
“You don’t have to tell me, April. But if you’re dealing with depression or something like that, then I won’t take advantage of you.”
Damn him and his honorable intentions. I want him to rip my clothes off. I want to feel something real with him.
But if I want that, then I need to tell him the truth. He deserves that from me.
“Mental health isn’t the reason I couldn’t be Bailey’s guardian.”
His brow furrows. “I thought that’s what you said…”
“Well, it is kind of, I guess. But it’s more complicated than that…”
I run my hands through my hair and blow out a long breath. Now that it’s time to confess, I’m not sure where to begin. He’ll kick me out once he knows, and there’ll be no more seeing Bailey. But I can’t go further with Grant without telling the truth.
With regret I take a deep breath, ready to talk, but he cuts me off.
“You don’t need to tell me, April. Not yet. Whatever it is, it’s clear it’s painful for you to talk about.”
I nod. “It is. But…”
“Na-ah.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to cause you any more pain tonight, April. You can tell me tomorrow.”
Relief floods me. I’ve got a free pass. I’ve got one night before Grant learns the truth, and I don’t intend to waste it.
“Okay.” I take a step closer to him so our bodies brush together, and he groans. “You’re not taking advantage of me, Grant. I want you. I can’t explain it, but I want you.” I say it simply and hope he reads the truth in my eyes.
He smiles. “Let me ease your troubles, April. You’re a woman who needs a release. Let me take away your worries for a night and make you feel good. We can talk tomorrow.”
I should tell him no; I shouldn’t let this go further until we’ve talked. But his words pull at a longing in my soul. All the pent up anxiety from the last few years aches for release.
Now I’m the one taking advantage of him. But the selfish part of me wants to. To have one night to enjoy this man, one night before he finds out the truth.
Then his lips are on mine, and all thoughts flee my mind. There’s nothing but his mouth and his heat and the press of his solid weight against mine.