Chapter 1 #2
Another stab of envy tightens my chest, and I busy myself with passing out drinks instead of stewing in the unwanted emotion.
Two things can be true: I can be happy for them and disappointed for myself.
Charlie’s joy overflows into a satisfied wiggle as she twirls the straw in her latte. The same for Mateo when he sips his coffee.
Up until now, I’ve done what I could to avoid meeting Oliver’s gaze while removing drinks from the tray he holds. “Did you get yourself anything to eat?” he asks.
“I was worried about cross contamination,” I say, taking my chai latte. “It’s okay. I’ll eat later.”
I packed several safe snacks in my hotel room, and though they aren’t the flaky, buttery pastries everyone else is devouring, they get the job done.
Oliver tosses the empty tray into the trash before collecting a small paper bag from the table beside where he and Mateo were seated. Grease fills the air, and he extends it toward me.
“There’s a gluten-free bakery near my flat. I picked this up on my way here.”
The beat beneath my ribcage kicks up as I take his offering and pull apart the opening to find a sausage roll and a lemon poppy seed muffin. My stomach grumbles in response, and Oliver’s deep laugh skitters along my skin.
“Thank you, Oliver.”
He scans me over again—this time the perusal so intimate it drags me back to simpler times.
We can’t go back to the past, even if it’s what I spent a long time wishing for.
“What’s the plan for today?” Mateo asks, ripping apart a cranberry-orange scone and offering a section to his fiancée.
“Thought we could spend it at the best place in London,” Oliver says, lifting the lid off his coffee to release some steam.
“Where’s that?” Charlie asks.
A nerdy grin splits across his face—the same smile he had two Christmases ago when he completed the taxidermy set I bought him.
I’ve witnessed a similar version from Charlie and Mateo when they speak about their research or watch a nature documentary.
It means one thing: My friends are about to nerd out. Maximum level.
“I thought we’d visit the Natural History Museum,” Oliver says.
Charlie squeals. Mateo whoops. Oliver becomes very proud of his suggestion.
And I prepare myself for the never-ending “Did you knows” I am going to be subjected to for the next few hours.
The first “did you know” comes before we make it out of the lobby.
I would say it’s a new record for Charlie.
Oliver holds out a bag for the attendant to check, and Charlie starts our visit off with—to absolutely nobody’s shock—a fact about Charles Darwin. She bounces with excitement, linking arms with me instead of Mateo, who grumbles behind us.
Cinnamon and menthol hit my nostrils, and the scent calms me, reminds me of home.
Even if every other relationship in my life has lit into flames and burned to ashes, I always have Charlie.
I tilt my head to hit her shoulder, and she does the same in response.
In a low whisper, she asks, “Did you know the museum holds specimens that Darwin himself collected while on the HMS Beagle?”
“I did not, Charles. Very cool.”
“And that they have a preserved giant squid named Archie, and he’s nearly nine meters long?”
“I also did not know that.”
“Did you know—”
“Charlie, I love you. But you don’t need to start every fact with ‘did you know,’ because we all know that I am the one person who does not know.”
She grimaces. “Right. Sorry. I’m just excited.”
Oliver and Mateo laugh, and Charlie whips her head over her shoulder. “Stop eavesdropping on us. This is a best-friend moment.”
“Sorry, bruja,” Mateo replies, the sound of a smile lacing the apology.
With a flush to her cheeks, she refocuses on me. “I thought we could ditch them and explore ourselves,” she whispers, “since you’re going back to Rhode Island before us.”
Warmth spreads from the section of my heart where Charlie Bowen resides, and I squeeze her bicep. “Much appreciated, but I think you should spend the time with your fiancé. I promise you’ll have a better time not having to explain things to me.”
I’d rather explore on my own, anyway.
To take off the mask I’ve plastered in place, and to allow myself to sit with the disappointment and envy so I can leave it behind before it consumes me.
“Are you sure?” Her brows crinkle. “I don’t want you to feel left out.”
“I could never,” I tell her, allowing the tiny white lie to roll off my tongue. “Now, go and explore with Mateo.”
It’s not that I don’t want to wander with them, but if I do, Charlie will make today about me. Spending all her time fretting over whether I’m handling myself in Oliver’s presence.
Today is about her and Mateo and celebrating the new beginning of their lives together.
Mr. Eavesdropper wastes no time swooping Charlie up, intertwining their fingers and running off to find the blue-whale skeleton and the marine-invertebrate exhibit.
Oliver remains behind, and the energy between us crackles, much like it did yesterday at the church when Mateo proposed.
The discussion of marriage and weddings and futures reminds me of the dreams I had with Oliver—the ones I’ve tried to leave left behind after he walked away.
I’ve been unsuccessful thus far.
“You can go with them if you’d like to nerd out,” I say when the tension thickens.
“I’d rather not,” he replies, stepping closer as a group of schoolchildren and their teacher move around us. “Unless you’d like to be alone.”
The unspoken question hangs between us.
Do you want me to stay or go?
I wish “stay” wasn’t my silent reply.
“As long as you don’t say ‘did you know’ a million times,” I tease.
“I promise.”
Another inch closer as we walk through the dinosaur and fossil exhibit, our hands brushing by accident, sending a blazing tingle up my arm. I wrap my palm around the strap of my tote bag.
“How have you been?” I ask, pausing in front of a wall of prehistoric fossils to admire the preserved shark teeth. “It’s been a while since you’ve visited Rhode Island.”
Since we last spoke.
It’s what I want to say, but I bite my tongue.
Oliver doesn’t owe me a call or text or visit.
He slides his hands into his pockets. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“There’s no need to apologize,” I reply, too quickly for either of us to believe the lie.
Hollow, sad eyes sit behind the round metal frames of his glasses. “I wish that were true.”
I plaster on a smile, hoping it hides the cracks in my heart that are still trying to heal. “Is this the museum where you and your brother got caught trying to steal a bone?”
A surprised laugh escapes him. “You remember that?”
I remember everything you’ve ever told me.
“How could I forget the first time we ever met?” My smile is genuine now. “It’s not every day you meet a museum thief.”
Oliver grumbles, “I was six and very impressionable.”
And just like that, I’m transported back to the days when life seemed so simple, and I was smitten with an English boy I met in a bar.