Chapter 12
Back in Kole’s office I found him once again hunched over papers. He looked up when I entered, his piercing stare making me shiver. I placed the tray on his desk without a word and settled myself on the couch.
In silence, he ate. I watched his eyes close with the first bite, his shoulders relaxing as he swallowed.
“It’s good?”
“You have no idea. My whole life I’ve been waiting to eat food this good.” He paused. “Thank you for making it.”
“Like I had a choice.”
He stiffened at my words but continued eating.
I found my gaze drifting to him while he ate.
I chewed over Dinah’s words. ‘Compassionate, brave, funny even.’ They weren’t words I’d use to describe the man I’d dealt with so far.
Could the man he’d been before his wolf began driving him mad really be so different?
I decided it didn’t matter. Whatever kind of person he’d been before, it was the man he was now that I needed to worry about.
When he finished his meal, it was my turn. He moved his chair so he could sit in front of me and bit by bit he fed me the remainder of the food.
As much as I hated to admit it, Allie had been right, food from his hand tasted amazing.
The brushes of his fingers on my lips became ever more difficult to ignore and from the rise and fall of his chest, the flare of his nostrils, I knew he was feeling the same.
I pushed the feeling down, reminding myself of what he planned to do to me.
I focused on the image of him holding me down in front of his pack and just like that, any lusty feelings that might have been growing withered and died.
“Did you settle your differences with Lucy and Allie?”
“Yeah, we’re good.” I shrugged and he eyed me, suspicious. “What? I’m not lying. Konnor?” I called out. “Back me up.”
“She’s telling the truth,” Konnor yelled through the office door.
“See?” I arched a brow and he raised his own in amusement.
“Good, I’m glad to hear that you’re coming around.”
I didn’t reply, if I opened my mouth I was bound to get myself into trouble.
“So, my mother tells me that you ran into Philip and Moira Tourke yesterday,” he said, feeding me another morsel of food.
I racked my brain, trying to remember who he was talking about.
The woman outside the clothing store who had looked at me like I was the underside of her shittiest shoe?
Between Kole’s wolf raging out and planning my escape, I’d forgotten about the Tourkes. “I presume you have questions.”
“Not really.”
He raised a questioning brow. “They’re a part of my history.”
“I don’t care about your history, Kole. Or you.”
He settled back in his chair, returning the now empty plate to his desk. “Is that so?”
“It’s absolutely so.”
He nodded slowly, his intense stare never leaving me. “Their daughter and I were together for a while.” A sourness gathered on my tongue, leaving a bitter taste behind. Kole leaned forward, forearms resting on his thighs. “I like that scent on you.”
“What scent?”
“Jealousy.” Before I could protest he dipped his head, inhaling me. “Your skin sings with it,” he whispered, his breath hot on my neck. “Tell me again you don’t care about me.” He pulled back, his eyes dark. I didn’t move.
“I’ll tell you that their daughter can have you back anytime.”
He sat back, the heat leaving his eyes. “She died.”
I kept my face still, not wanting to betray any fear. “Did you kill her?”
“Is that what you think of me?”
“Is that what I think of the man that kidnapped me, starved me and plans to rape me? Yeah, that’s what I think.” Was he really surprised that I had such a low opinion of him?
He gritted his teeth but didn’t argue. “I didn’t kill her but I am responsible for her death.” Silence fell over us as I waited for him to continue. In truth, I really didn’t care about the Tourkes or Kole’s history with them, but something was telling me I needed to know about this.
“We got together because her mate had died before they met and mine was nowhere to be found. It’s very rare, but sometimes, mateless wolves will attempt a union to try to assuage their wolf, give them the partner they need.
Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn’t.
When it does, we call those couples a bonded pair. ”
I stared at him, trying not to let the excitement show on my face. “So you could be with someone else instead of me?”
His brows knitted, displeasure plain on his too-handsome face. “You think I would accept anyone other than you now that I’ve found you? You’re mine, Iona. You need to get used to that.”
Rage coursed through me like lava, but again, I forced it down, allowing it to cool in my stomach. I would save it for when I could put that anger to good use.
“But you tried being with her? Before me?”
“Yes, but Alphas are complicated.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course they are.”
“Watch your attitude, Iona.” His voice was low, the warning clear. “Alphas need to carry on their line and bonded pairs are rarely capable of reproducing, but Mariah wanted to try…” He gritted his teeth, swallowing. “She died carrying that pregnancy and the pup didn’t survive.”
I didn’t respond, unsure what to say. The correct thing would be to offer my condolences, but somehow that didn’t seem appropriate. Showing kindness to this man didn’t feel right.
“So, her parents blame you for her death?”
“It was my fault.”
“It sounds like it was her decision.” I had no interest in defending Kole but it didn’t make sense for him to carry a burden that wasn’t entirely his to bear.
“I should have denied her. I knew the risks.”
“So did she.”
“But I am the Alpha. The buck always stops with me.”
I paused, observing this man I hated so much. Despite everything, I felt a shred of admiration. He could have shirked the responsibility but instead he was shouldering it, taking it as his own. It took courage to do that. Not that it made me despise him any less.
“So, Philip and Moira want you dead now?”
“They want me suffering, which I was up until I found you. Now, I think they just want me to hurt again. I guess you have something in common with them on that score.”
“I don’t want you suffering, Kole. I just want you to let me go.” I hated the pleading tone in my voice but I couldn’t help it. As always, around Kole I felt claustrophobic and desperate to run.
His lip curled and I knew exactly what was coming next.
“That’s never going to happen.” He took my chin in his hand, so I couldn’t look away. “In nine days the bond will be complete and there will be no more distance between us. You need to turn your mind to that fact. In nine days, you won’t even be able to sleep without me.”
Nine days? I thought. I’m not going to be here that long.
We stared each other down, tension building higher, higher…
I wanted to punch the crap out of his perfect face but instead I stayed still.
“I’m trying to come around,” I lied, “but does the ceremony have to be so…public?”
“Yes.”
“Why? I haven’t been here long, but not everyone in your pack seems overly thrilled at the idea.”
“Yet none of them will lift a finger to stop me or even tell me not to do it.” He was right.
Even Kallum, who detested the idea, wasn't going to help me. “Are you embarrassed at the idea of showing your body? Our kind are far less squeamish about that sort of thing than humans. The Alpha and Luna often mate in public in the beginning…hormones get the better of them.” His mouth curved up in a grin as if this was funny. It wasn’t funny.
“But you don’t have to be naked if you don’t want to be and I promise, I’ll make it as quick and painless for you as possible.”
“Is that supposed to be comforting?”
“Iona, has it ever occurred to you that you might enjoy it by then? A lot can happen in nine days.” I could feel his wolf peering out at me. The beast wanted me and that made me very, very nervous.
“You’re insane if you think I would ever enjoy that.” My voice shook and I hated myself for it.
“The bond must be completed. There is no other way. You will bear it and you will not let my pack down. I won’t allow it.”
I stared at the cold villain in front of me, searching for the good man Dinah had described.
“This is wrong, Kole. I won’t ever want you to do that to me. Not nine days from now, not ever.” I cut myself off, my breaths coming harsh and hard. Don’t do it, Iona. Don’t let the bond get to you.
“Iona—”
“No. You’re sick and fucked up. You think I would enjoy you forcing me in front of thousands of people? You kidnapped me, starved me, and now you—” My words cut off in my mouth, freezing there. I felt like I was being suffocated.
Kole rumbled from deep within his chest, his body seeming to grow larger, his eyes turning almost black. I felt a strange sensation wash over me. My skin heated, and immediately I felt the urge to duck my head in submission…the same way Allie and Lucy had when I’d snapped at them in the kitchen.
“Don’t be frightened, I’m just calming you down.
What you’re feeling is my dominance as an Alpha.
” His voice was surprisingly gentle. “I’ve been testing it on you since we met but this is the first time it’s affected you.
” He smiled, satisfied. “Our bond is growing. The effect will grow as our bond does.”
My mind spun. I felt dizzy. I closed my eyes, trying to regain my equilibrium.
“Are you calm?”
No. I was furious. But I nodded my head, almost against my own will. As quickly as it came, the nauseous feeling ebbed away and Kole relaxed, the green returning to his eyes.
“What was that?” I gasped. “Like mind control?”
“Not quite. I can’t make you say or do anything, but I can guide you into submission.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to wrap my head around this. Once more, I felt Kole’s chains tightening around me, suffocating me.
“Like you don’t have enough control over me already,” I spat. “Don’t you ever do that to me again.”
“I can feel your rage,” he said, seeming unaffected by my words. “I know that you hate me but that’s not all you feel.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No. There is peace in submission, Iona. My father had to assert his dominance over me many times as I was growing up. It always made me angry but it always made me feel safe too. I still remember the first time he couldn’t, the day I was stronger.
He was proud…but I haven’t felt safe since.
Your anger isn’t entirely directed at me, but towards yourself too, because you liked it. ”
My fists clenched in my lap. He was wrong. He had to be. I refused to accept it.
“You’re wrong.”
“Am I?” He searched my face and I fought the urge to look away, to keep him from reading me, or worse, influencing me.
“Imagine me taking you, hard in the dirt. No ceremony. No audience. Just your body, under mine…” A shiver ran up my spine, a shiver he didn’t miss.
“There. Your body likes the idea of submitting to me, just not being viewed by others.”
“Then why insist on an audience?”
Kole sat back in his seat, taking a steadying breath that I was coming to learn helped ease his wolf away.
“The pack deserves to celebrate it. They’ve waited so long. Besides, it’s for your safety too. I can’t guarantee that my wolf will behave himself during the ceremony. Your guard will be close by just in case.”
I swallowed, a whole new wave of fear hitting me. Just in case what? “They’ll stop you if you lose control?”
“They’ll stop me from killing you, yes. Not from marking or mating you.”
My mouth went dry. “You said you’d make it as painless as possible.”
“And I will. But my wolf is an animal, half-mad at this point, and will be worse in nine days. I can’t promise what he’ll do.
” He paused, a flash of uncertainty there, so brief I almost missed it before he covered it over with the unyielding wall I was used to.
“I want you to be prepared. It will go easier if you don’t fight when the time comes. ”
Bile rose in my throat. I felt sick. Worse than that, I felt defeated.
“I hate you.”
Silence hung between us, dense with every rotten emotion we held. Kole stared at me. I waited for another lecture, or a punishment, but it didn’t come.
“You won’t always,” he said eventually.
I would. I knew without a doubt I would, but I couldn’t say that out loud. I shouldn’t. But panic was rising with the nausea in my gut and I couldn’t keep it down.
“I will. If you do this, I will. I’ll hate you?—”
“Enough,” he cut me off, his tone stiff.
I could feel it, my emotions spiralling out of control in response to his presence. Rationality told me to shut up but the bond was opening me up and I despised it. “I’ll hate you, Kole Maclay.”
“Stop,” he hissed as if he couldn’t bear to hear me say those words. I watched his cold facade crack slightly.
“You stop. Please, just stop. Stop all of this.” The chains clinked as I moved, the sound agitating my already frayed nerves, reminding me how bound I was.
“Iona…” His tone had a warning edge to it. I stood. I needed to get away from him before I lost it.
“I need to get out of this room.”
“You need to calm down.” He stood too, towering over me. “I know this is overwhelming?—”
I burst into laughter. Overwhelming? That was an understatement.
“This is my promise. If you force me to go through this, I won’t ever look you in the eye as long as I live. I won’t ever speak a word to you, or smile, or kiss you. I’ll spit at your feet every single day, and?—”
Once again, my words fell apart in my mouth as his warm wave settled over me, silencing me. His power suffocated me, only heightening my panic.
“Look at me,” his deep voice rumbled. I did.
I couldn’t help it. “When are you going to learn, mate?” He pressed his palm to my chest, over my racing heart.
Against my will, my breathing slowed, my pulse returning to normal.
When it did, he uttered a satisfied sound but didn’t release his power over me. Power that had me gritting my teeth.
He stepped closer. “I will keep putting you in this state until you learn your place. I understand your anger but I will not tolerate your disrespect.”
I willed myself to move away but my feet wouldn’t listen. It wasn’t his control, it was my body. It wanted to be close. The realisation shocked me to my core and I felt like screaming.
“Let me out, Kole.” My fists clenched so tight I thought my fingers might break.
“Let me in, Iona.” He leaned into me, his body heating mine, swarming my senses until I felt dizzy. “Feel me.”
I did. I had no choice. I felt his dominance deep into my bones. Anchoring me.
But he’d been wrong.
I found no safety there.