Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
K ellen
The visit from Matthias never came, which meant neither of us had a chance to beat the hell out of the one person who’s been on our nerves for far too long. I thought he’d show up that night, but a quick call to Eleanor on the pretense of thanking her for the cookies let me know he left town for a few days.
Then I thought he’d come over when he returned home, but that never happened either. Add him to the list of people not talking to me, which for the past week has included Salem.
Not that I haven’t tried. I’ve attempted to strike up a conversation with her a few times each day since she called me a monster, and every time she’s simply glared at me and then walked away. I tried explaining myself again to make her see I didn’t try to make Ava cry, but Salem only let me get a single sentence out before slamming her office door in my face.
Suffice to say, it’s been a grand week here at my little prison.
Like I do every day, I plant myself out on the chaise lounge on the patio to get some sun, which has become my chief occupation in life. The weather has gotten hot with highs in the nineties for the past few days, so since I have nothing else to do, I’ve taken advantage of the abundant sunshine and I can say my tan looks pretty damn good, if I do say so myself.
I thought about calling Ava and seeing if she’s okay, but I never did. Maybe we just need some time to cool down.
Flipping my sunglasses down onto my face, I lean back and hope the boredom doesn’t finally get to me today. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever spent this much time doing absolutely nothing. It’s not my nature to just sit around and work on my tan, but what else is there to do, especially now that Salem isn’t talking to me and Nathan has rarely spoken to me since he arrived here?
The sound of footsteps on the patio alerts me to a visitor, and I silently pray to God it isn’t Ava again. I consider just lying here with my eyes closed until whoever it is announces themselves, but if it’s Matthias, he’s likely to start beating the hell out of me if I’m not paying attention.
So I turn toward the sound of the footsteps and open my eyes. To say I’m stunned at who I see would be an understatement.
I quickly sit up and say, “Marius, what brings you here? I didn’t expect to see you when I opened my eyes. Why aren’t you on a beach somewhere taking pictures of beautiful women?”
The middle King sits down on the chaise lounge beside me and sighs. That’s not a good sign. Something tells me he isn’t here to say he’s missed me.
“So this is what you’ve been doing when you aren’t completely fucking up with every member of our family?” he asks with nothing short of pure anger in his tone.
“Nice way to say hi. Good to see you too. What do you want, Marius?”
“I want to know why you insist on making Matthias and Ava miserable. Dude, she’s going to have a baby soon, and you’re being a dick to her. What the fuck is wrong with you? Ava has been a friend of our family all our lives. She’s practically like a sister.”
Titling my head right and then left, I crack my neck since I can already feel the tension begin to grow. “I know. It wasn’t as big a deal as you’re all making it. She got upset when I told her how I feel about what happened with her and Theo and Matthias. Am I not allowed to have an opinion now that I’m exiled here?”
My older brother simply stares at me like he doesn’t care what I have to say. I don’t know why he bothered to come here if that’s the case.
“Let me give you some advice, Kellen. Whatever idolizing you’re still doing with Theo, stop it. You’re wrong when it comes to what happened with those three.”
“I don’t think so. I know he loved her. I know he would have given anything to be with her. Those things are indisputable.”
Marius nods, giving me the impression he agrees, but the next words out of his mouth tell me it was a mistake to believe he was on my side. “I think you’re remembering things that didn’t happen. How about thinking back to what actually happened instead of whatever fantasy you’ve created to make Theo perfect? Think about every time you were with Theo and Ava growing up. Let’s just stick with high school, okay? Every time they went to a party or a football or basketball game, what did he do?”
I roll my eyes, already tired of this little game Marius is playing. “I don’t know. Buy her popcorn? What the hell is this all about?”
“Think long and hard about what Theo did all the time when it was the three of you. I know because he used to do the same thing when I’d hang out with them. He left her with whoever was around to go with some girl. How can you not remember how many times you made sure she got home okay because he was gone off with whichever flavor of the week he was hooking up with?”
As much as I hate to admit it, Marius has a point. He’s exaggerating it, but he does have a point.
“That happened sometimes, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact that he loved her. He always did.”
“As a friend, Kellen. As a friend. Just like she loved him.”
I blow the air out of my mouth in frustration because it’s clear he doesn’t get it. “Fine. So he left her a bunch of times to go with other girls. Ava never cared. She was cool with it.”
“Because they were only friends! Jesus, Kellen! How can you not get this?”
Christ, I’m bored with this conversation already. Standing up to leave, I wave my hand trying to get rid of all his nonsense.
“Whatever. None of that matters because when he came back when Dad was dying, he was ready to settle down, and I know he had always told Ava when it came time for him to grow up, she was the one person he wanted in his life.”
Marius screws his face into an expression of pure disgust. “Well, Theo was a dick for doing that, and I don’t understand why you don’t get that. Did he actually expect that Ava would just be waiting around at the carriage house on our family’s estate pining away for him to finally figure out he wanted to settle down? What the fuck kind of bullshit is that?”
I stare down at my brother knowing whatever I say isn’t going to make a difference, but it’s damn time somebody finally said it. “Theo never made a secret of how he felt about her. So it wasn’t fair. So what? She loved him. If she didn’t, why did she hook up with him like they were finally going to be a couple when he came back?”
That stops him from talking finally. Maybe now he’ll see Theo wasn’t the bad guy but the one who was betrayed by both Ava and Matthias.
Marius sighs. “I don’t know why she did that, but that’s her business. Hers and Theo’s. But I can tell you for damn sure she didn’t do anything to hurt him intentionally. Ava couldn’t hurt a fly if she tried. All this time you’ve been blaming her, and that’s not right, Kellen. Ava loved Theo, but ask yourself this. If he truly cared that much about her, why did he leave and never answer her calls or texts? I know for a fact she tried to contact him for weeks after he left. She didn’t just jump from him to Matthias. I was there. I know. The two of them were torn up over what happened, and it took a long time for Matthias to even think about anything romantic with her. I was living at the house then, and I know neither one of them were happy about what happened with Theo. Nobody wanted to hurt him. They just cared about one another. Why is that a problem for you?”
Tired of all of these excuses, I bark, “Because Theo would have never left if Matthias hadn’t thrown it in his face that he slept with the one person Theo always loved! Why can’t any of you see that? He wouldn’t have left, and then he wouldn’t have hit that fucking wall! He would still be here with us if those two didn’t betray him!”
Marius jumps up from the chaise lounge and gets in my face, as angry now as I am. “Nobody fucking betrayed anyone! What makes you think Theo would have stayed here even if he and Ava were happy as clams? You knew Theo. Or at least I think you did, but since you keep clinging to this fantasy that he was going to get a little house and live happily ever after in suburbia, I’m doubting you really knew who our brother truly was.”
I shove him away from me, trying to hold back the rage but not having much success. “You don’t know that! Why wouldn’t he? He would have had the person he always loved by his side, so maybe he would have gotten a place and settled down here.”
“Because that wasn’t who he was! You’ve created this person in your mind who didn’t exist. He never did. Theo didn’t want to settle down. His idea of that was to have Ava follow him around the world while he raced.”
I shake my head, refusing to believe his bullshit. “That’s not how it was. I know. He told me many times he loved her.”
“Yeah, and when the first problem cropped up between them, he bailed and never spoke to her again. He went to his grave without saying another word to her. Does that sound like love to you? It doesn’t to me. Stop thinking Theo was this angel and Ava and Matthias betrayed him. They didn’t. Two people got together one snowy day, and five years later, they realized they had things in common and cared for one another. What Matthias feels for Ava is love. What Theo felt for her was convenience, at best. He treated her like a friend when it was convenient for him to do so because he was off fucking anything that moved. Then when he saw her all grown up, he wanted her to himself, but what right did he have to expect her to never be with anyone while he was sleeping around with whoever he wanted?”
I don’t want to hear any more of this. I know what Theo told me. He loved her. He always did.
“Ava and Matthias don’t deserve to constantly be attacked for falling in love, dude. One day, you’re going to fall for someone, and I hope you don’t expect perfection from her like Theo did from Ava because that’s a sure road to disappointment. People have pasts. That he couldn’t look past her being with Matthias one time tells me all I need to know about what he felt for her. Ava deserves to be happy, not just waiting around for someone to find the time to finally be with her. Matthias gives her that. Why can’t you just be happy for them?”
Tired of listening, I walk away without saying another word. I never thought Ava didn’t deserve to be happy. That she’d pick Matthias over Theo will forever remain a mystery to me, but I never said she shouldn’t be happy.
I pass Salem on my way inside the house and hear her say something to me, but I don’t pay attention and walk up to my room. I don’t know what to think after all that Marius said, and now I feel like I’m betraying Theo by even considering not defending him anymore.
For the rest of the night, I stay in my room, unable to do much more than think about all that Marius said. I never meant to be awful to Ava. Like he said, she is like a sister to me, and that’s even before she and Matthias got together.
Memories flood my mind from all those times Theo, Ava, and I hung out. Summertime parties and swimming all day and into the night. Football games, bonfires, and hayrides in the fall. Building snowmen and having snowball fights, along with ice skating when it was cold outside. The festival in the spring and all of Ronan’s baseball games. We were together, the three of us, for them all.
I smile at all the times we laughed until our sides ached and our cheeks hurt at some stupid joke Theo told. Never a dull moment when he was around.
Then I can’t help but let the memories in of all those times he left her with me. He always made me promise I’d make sure she got home safely. There were always girls to get to know, and why wouldn’t he go with them? It’s not like he and Ava were girlfriend and boyfriend.
I tear up at all this thinking about Theo. I’ve missed him so much since he died nearly a year ago, but I don’t think I actually thought about all the times we spent together until tonight.
Jesus, I’ve been such a horrible friend to Ava. Before she was with Matthias and before all this happened with her and my brothers, she was always just Ava, the girl who lived in the house closest to me. My friend. The girl who was in every class with me in school, who helped me when I didn’t do my homework or when I couldn’t figure out French for the life of me.
The girl I always knew would be in my life forever because one day she’d marry my brother. I just figured it was always going to be Theo and not Matthias.
Full of self-loathing and sick of sitting in the dark in my room chastising myself for every terrible word I’ve said to her and Matthias, I walk downstairs to the kitchen to get something to eat. Salem is sitting at the island with Nathan, and while usually that would make me turn around and head back upstairs, tonight I can’t take being alone with my thoughts any longer.
“Hey, guys. Was there a house meeting I forgot about?” I mumble as I pass them on my way to the refrigerator, my attempt at a joke.
As usual, it lands like a lead balloon. Both Salem and Nathan look at me like they don’t know what to make of me or my lame humor.
“The two of us already ate,” Salem says. “We weren’t sure if you were interested, but we have some leftover Chinese.”
I shake my head as my stomach turns at the thought of Chinese food right now. “No, thanks. I think I’ll just snarf down some of Eleanor’s lasagna that’s still left.”
Behind me, the two of them mumble something before Salem says, “Your favorite cookies are still here. We ate some, but there are still a lot left. Do you want them?”
Grabbing the lasagna, I close the refrigerator door and go in search of a plate. When I find one in the cabinet, I dump out the entire contents of the tray onto it and stick it in the microwave to heat up. I could eat it cold since it’s great at any temperature, but something tells me filling my stomach with cold pasta tonight isn’t my best plan.
“Well, I think I’m going to head to my room. Have a good night, you two,” Nathan announces before walking out, leaving me with Salem.
I suspect she’s probably going to find some excuse to leave too since we haven’t talked for over a week. The word monster coming out of her mouth to describe me still echoes in my head.
Seems I deserved that. Probably deserved a lot more too, if I’m being honest with myself.
She doesn’t say anything as I eat my lasagna and down it with a glass of iced tea. I want to say something to her, but I don’t know where to start.
Thankfully, she finally starts talking, saving me from trying to find something clever to say. I’m all tapped out on that tonight.
“I wanted to tell you before, but you seemed to be focused on something else. I think I had a breakthrough today.”
Finally, a piece of good news in the sea of awful I’ve been trapped in. “Oh, yeah? A breakthrough sounds positive.”
She gives me a big smile and nods. “It is! I’m probably not technically the person who did it, but one of the major media outlets finally ran a story on your situation that wasn’t just a hit job. They actually did some real journalism and found out things about Gina we’ve known for weeks. Then the talking heads discussed the whole situation, and I have to say it wasn’t entirely all bad for you. I think people are starting to tire of the whole story, but even more, I think the public is questioning whether what happened was actually harassment at all.”
I smile, happy to hear some good news today. “Don’t underestimate yourself, Salem. I’m sure all the work you’ve been doing made that happen.”
My compliment comes out sounding flat. I don’t mean it like that. I’m just so damn tired of thinking about everything I’ve done wrong in the past few months.
Hating yourself is fucking exhausting.
She tilts her head and looks at me as I finish my dinner. “Are you okay, Kellen? You don’t sound like yourself.”
“Let’s hope not. The person I’ve been has been a real dick.”
Salem doesn’t say anything, but her gentle smile tells me she knows more than she’s letting on. Of all the people in the world, she definitely understands firsthand what kind of shit I’ve been, and that’s not even including having to deal with me all these weeks here stuck in this house trying to convince the world I’m a good guy while I’ve been doing my best to be the exact opposite to everyone I care about.
“Your brother stopped in to say hi to me when he was here earlier today. He seems like a good guy. He’s very different than you, Ronan, and Matthias. You’re downright gregarious most of the time. Ronan is sweeter, I think, but that might be because I’ve only met him twice. And Matthias is, how does Ava term it?”
I smile at her comment about Ronan being sweet. If she only knew the real version of my younger brother.
“Intense,” I say, finishing her sentence. “Matthias has always been that way. Maybe it’s oldest child syndrome or something like that.”
“Yes, that’s it. Intense. But Marius is almost aloof and stoic. It’s like he’s the polar opposite of you and your other brothers.”
Nodding, I can’t deny the middle King can be distant. Marius has been known to be downright cool, but once you get to know him, you know that’s just how he is until he really gets comfortable with someone.
“That’s only because he isn’t familiar with you. Wait until he gets to know you. Marius can be the raunchiest of us all when he gets going. Give him a few scotches, and that brother will make you blush with what comes out of his mouth.”
For a long moment, Salem doesn’t say anything. When she does, it’s my first sign of hope for us in a terrible week.
“I’d like to get to know him better.”
I study her expression and see she looks hopeful too.
Maybe we aren’t completely out of chances yet.