Chapter 20 Jackson
JACKSON
The slam of a car door jolts me from sleep. I squint, the morning sun filtering brightly through the blinds of my bedroom. It takes a second longer for my brain to wake up. To remember why I’m in my bed and not on the downstairs couch. What day it is, and why I’m not already at work on the ranch.
Because I took the day off.
Because I fell asleep with Rosalie.
A smile teases my lips as I roll over, expecting to find her snoozing next to me. Only she’s not here. I’m alone in this bed.
Alarm claws at my mind as I roll off the bed and yank on a pair of shorts. Another car door shuts; there’s someone outside my house either comin’ or goin’, and either way that can’t be good.
I don’t waste a second racing down the stairs toward the front door. I don’t stop to consider there’s a perfectly rational explanation for the lack of books in my living room or the absence of wine bottles on my counter. At the door, I don’t stop to put on shoes.
At the sight of Rosalie packing her bags into the back of her vehicle, I practically sprint, closing the distance between us.
“Rosalie?”
“Oh, hey.” She barely lifts her gaze at my approach. Her mirrored sunglasses make it impossible for me to get a read on the situation, but there’s something about the way she won’t give me her full attention that has warning bells going off in my head and panic clawing its way up my throat.
“What are you doing?” I cover her hands with mine, halting her movement as she reaches down to lift her ice chest.
She yanks her hands back, almost as if she can’t stand my touch.
“Hey.” I soften my tone, though my gut twists with concern. “Where are you going?”
“I decided to take a drive up to Ember Ridge. Maybe do some shopping. Grab lunch.”
Her words are so nonchalant. No hint of distress or apprehension. I wonder if I’ve completely misjudged the situation.
“Oh.” I’m filled with relief, though it’s temporary. I lift the cooler into her vehicle. “Give me a few minutes to get ready and I’ll join you.”
“No.” Her tone is hard and forceful.
“No?” I frown. “What do you mean, no?”
“Jackson.” Her sigh is filled with annoyance. As if my presence is that of a petulant child. It’s so far from the woman I spent last night with that I find myself looking around for hidden cameras. This has got to be a fucking prank.
“What’s happening here? Please.” I cross my arms and level her with a stare. “Explain it to me like I’m five.”
“We already knew this had an expiration date. We planned for this to end.” She shrugs. “There’s no reason to drag it out or pretend it was more than just sex.”
“Just sex.” She’s got to be fucking kidding.
“Look, it’s okay, Jackson. We both got what we wanted. I was leaving tomorrow anyway. Now, I’m out of your hair a day early. You can go back to your roster and I can go back to my life. We can both pretend this never happened.”
“Pretend this never happened?” I don’t know why I can’t seem to do anything more than parrot her words. My shocked expression reflects back in her damn sunglasses. I’m about ready to rip them off!
“Come on, Jackson.” She shakes her head and expels a tight laugh. “Don’t act surprised. That’s what we agreed to.” She shuts the door to her car and walks around to the driver’s side. Fuck. Is she really leaving? Like a kicked puppy, I follow behind her.
None of this feels genuine. She’s lying. She has to be.
But why?
I’m not letting her end things and drive off. Not like this. My brain races to come up with an excuse to make her stay. When she reaches to open the door, I press a hand to the window frame, blocking her actions.
“I’d like to renegotiate.”
“Jackson. What are you doing?” She takes a few steps back, creating space between us.
“I’m saying I’d like to change the terms of our agreement. I don’t understand why we can’t continue doing what we’re doing.”
Her lips press together and she takes a step back. Her hands go to her hips and her spine straightens.
“Well, for one, I have a full-time job, my son, and an entire life that I put on hold for this week. In my real life I don’t have time for anything else.”
I don’t have time for you.
She doesn’t have to say that last part, but I feel it. Her implication cuts deep and revives an old wound I try to pretend doesn’t exist.
“We could make it work.”
I am willing to have whatever part of Rosalie she’s willing to give.
“Do you want children? A family? A life that includes strict bedtimes and endless responsibilities?”
My mouth parts to answer her question but nothing comes out.
Do I?
No, a family was never part of my plan. But then again, Rosalie wasn’t either, and the idea of her walking out of my life forever makes my chest ache. Can’t that be enough?
“That’s what I thought.” Her shoulders sag, and the defeat in her expression causes a fresh wound of hurt.
“The thing is, this last week was so far from my reality. You don’t know me.
Not the real me. This was a fun reprieve, but I’m the mother of a very special little boy, and he’s my whole world. ”
“I’m good with kids, Rosalie. You’ve seen me with Maeve’s brood.”
“Yeah, but Jackson, it’s an entirely different thing to play with your nieces and nephews for a few hours than it is to date a single mom.
Edward and I are a package deal, and if you’re not one hundred percent invested, I’m not the woman you really want.
I can’t afford to have people come in and out of our lives.
I’ve lived that. I won’t have that for my son. ”
She needs commitment. She needs a guarantee. She wants someone who is all in.
I care about her. Hell, I might even love her.
But am I ready for this? I’m a man of my word, and I refuse to promise if I don’t intend to follow through—which is why I wonder if she’s right.
We don’t know each other, not outside of this week.
I don’t know if we can make things work.
Guilt settles on my chest. I would never hurt her or Edward. At least, not intentionally.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize. We’re both adults here, but I don’t see the point of continuing whatever this is when we don’t want the same things.”
“Okay, and I hear you. But what if we at least try?”
“Because you’re going to change for me?” Her brows lift as she crosses her arms across her chest. If I could see her eyes right now, I’d bet they’d cut right through me.
“Let me guess, you’re going to change your entire life after a few nights with my magical pussy?
Now that you’ve had mine, everyone who came before doesn’t compare? ”
Um, yeah.
“Do you really want me to answer that?”
“Jackson.” The hardness in her demeanor melts a little.
“This isn’t a romance novel. This is real life.
We have very different lives and they aren’t compatible.
That’s okay. I’m extra protective because I’ve let someone steal my peace before and I won’t do it again.
” She steps forward, the sweetness of her perfume invading my space as she presses the barest of kisses on my cheek.
She immediately steps back as if it pains her to be so close. “This was fun, though. Thank you.”
Thank you?
Fun?
That’s all she can say after what we shared?
“At least, stay here tonight.”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t, or won’t?” I challenge.
She lifts her chin defiantly. “My ex is leaving early and I have to go back to my real life.”
“Oh.” My shoulders fall in defeat. This is it, then.
There’s no use in arguing. She’s a good mom, and it’s not her fault that Edward’s father is bailing early.
I only wish we had a little more time together.
After everything we’ve shared, this feels so abrupt.
So unfinished. I don’t know what to say.
She steps around me, opening her door. This time I don’t stop her.
My heart sinks, my entire body frozen in place as as she slips inside her car and starts the engine.
She doesn’t hesitate.
She doesn’t even look back.
Like she doesn’t realize she’s completely shaken my world and left a mark on my heart—branding me so I’ll only ever belong to her.
But she doesn’t know.
At least, she must not. Because if she does and she’s leaving anyway? Fuck. I’m not sure there’s anything more brutal.
Inside, my soul screams to run after her. But my brain stops my feet from moving. She’s done. She’s leaving. Nothing I do or say will change her mind.
I lift my hand in a wave that’s so casual and not at all in line with how I feel.
She doesn’t return it.
I watch her drive away, her taillights disappearing between a wall of trees at the end of my driveway.
She takes a piece of my soul with her. A better man wouldn’t let her go.
A better man would fight to make her stay.
But I’m not a better man, at least not the kind she’s willing to take a chance on.
She set boundaries, and I’d be a dick to not respect them. She doesn’t want more—not with me.
I can’t help but wonder if she believes what everyone else does. That I’m incapable of responsibility. That I’m not someone you start a relationship with, I’m just someone to fuck. Maybe that’s all I’ll ever be, but if that’s true, then why does it feel like my entire world just fell apart?