Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
LAINEY
I love you, Lainey-Rose.
Those words play on repeat in my head, rolling around and around. I don’t know what time Gunnar slips out of bed, but I don’t make a move to let him know that I’m awake. I stay where I am, still, steady, and keep my eyes pinched closed.
He doesn’t just slip out of bed, though. He slips out of my house. I hear his bike start, and then it roars away. And I’m alone. Pushing up to sitting, I lean against the headboard and stare straight ahead into the nothingness of the dark room.
Alone.
I’m alone for the first time in weeks.
I hate it. And not just because I’m alone; I really couldn’t care less about that part. It’s because Gunnar isn’t here. I already miss him. Every single part of him. Bending my knees, I place my feet flat on the bed and wrap my arms around my shins. I’m seriously so screwed up.
I should never have allowed any of this to happen. I genuinely thought I could handle it. That I could have this time with Gunnar and not fall deeper in love with him. I couldn’t handle it, not a single moment of it.
And now here I am, alone, sad, and pathetic. Kind of the way I was before we started our little rendezvous.
I stare at the nothingness until the sun comes up and my room is bathed in the sunlight of a brand-new day. Then I stay until the hours tick by, and when I finally check the time, I notice that it’s ten in the morning. It’s in this exact moment that I know he’s really gone and not coming back.
No way would he have left in the middle of the night and then not come back by this time. He’s really gone. Gone gone. It’s for the best. At least that’s what I tell myself as I throw my legs over the side of the bed and plant my feet flat on the floor before I stand up.
Shuffling toward the kitchen, I ignore the soreness that’s been a staple between my legs. This is probably the last day I’ll ever feel this way and think of Gunnar. My life is going to change completely in just a few short days, and I need to get used to that.
A piece of paper sits in the middle of my small kitchen island, and I freeze at the sight of it, almost as if it’s going to jump up from the counter and bite me. It won’t, and it doesn’t, of course.
Slowly, I walk over to the counter and reach out, placing my hand on the center of the note. I think about crumpling it up before I even read it, but my curiosity gets the best of me. Pulling the note toward me, I pick it up, and that’s when my breath hitches.
Lainey,
I shouldn’t have done what I did the past few weeks.
It wasn’t fair of me. I used you, and for that I’m sorry.
I know you’re going to make Paul happy and will be a wonderful wife to him.
I wish things could be different. But they can’t.
What I did goes against everything I’ve ever believed.
I wasn’t a good Reaper or brother, and I was an even worse friend.
I won’t see you again. But if you ever need me, I’ll always be there for you.
-Gunnar
Instead of crumpling the paper into a ball and throwing it across the room, I fold it neatly into a square and then slip it into the silverware drawer. I have a lot of things to do. Like pack up my whole life to move away.
Although Gunnar is right, I probably don’t need to pack anything. I have a feeling that Paul’s going to dress me up like he did the last time I was with him. He seemed to really like that outfit.
I could see the way his nostrils flared when he watched me walk out wearing it, or maybe he was thinking about the way he made me come. And he did. That should have been enough to keep me from getting with Gunnar.
But it wasn’t. Nothing was.
I fell in love with Gunnar years ago, and for whatever reason, I thought I could handle a few weeks of pleasure with him before my marriage.
I was wrong.
So damn wrong.
I couldn’t handle it, and the way my heart feels right now, the fact that I can feel it crackling inside my chest, is proof that I cannot handle it—not in the slightest. I am sick to my stomach just thinking about it, about how I feel and about my life… my future.
My gaze shifts over to the boxes in the corner, and I narrow my eyes at them. I guess I’d better get my ass to work. They aren’t going to pack themselves, and my life isn’t going to restart all by itself.
I’m also not going to just forget this man, the way he made me feel, or the fact that I’m madly in love with him, if I stand here and dwell like an idiot. Inhaling a deep breath, I hold it in my lungs for a moment, then let it out slowly.
And only when I’ve let it all out do I get to work.
But first, I put on a bra, cutoff shorts, and an oversized T-shirt from the time I went to a Maroon 5 concert in Raleigh. I run my fingers over the front of the shirt; the printing is rough and crackled to the touch because it’s been washed so many times that it’s starting to fall apart.
I love this shirt.
But not because I love Maroon 5 that much, although they have some seriously great bangers. It’s mostly because of the memories this shirt fills me with. Axton took me to the concert when I was sixteen.
It was a gift, my birthday gift. He didn’t want to go. I knew it then just as much as I know it now. But he took me anyway, and he pretended it was the best night of his life, because it was the best night of mine at the time.
Inhaling a shaky breath, I release it slowly and realize, again, just why I’m doing all of this—for him. For my brother, who sucked it up, took his little sister to her first concert, and made it special.
Axton made everything special.
Fighting back the tears, I shake my head as I reach for the bag of tape and markers. I feel a renewed sense of energy, or maybe I’ve just decided to stuff my own shit down, to ignore my personal feelings and move forward the way I should have.
Because that’s what I should have done to begin with.
VIKING
The light shines brightly into my eyes. Throwing my arm over my face, I grunt. I should have closed the blinds last night, but honest to fuck, it was the last thing on my mind when I rolled in at two in the morning.
Fuck.
There is a soft knock on the door, but I can’t make a move to get up, so I only let out a groan. The person on the other side takes that as their invitation to enter. I know who it is before she even speaks.
“I cannot believe you walked away,” Daisy announces.
Keeping my arm in place, I let out a grunt. “I didn’t have a choice. I needed to go before things got worse.”
“You mean before you confessed the love you obviously feel for her?”
I can’t fucking answer that. Because I won’t lie. I’ll tell her the truth, like the fact that I already told Lainey I loved her. And she told me she loved me, too. Goddammit, we’re both stupid as fuck.
“It doesn’t matter, Daisy,” I grind out. “Doesn’t matter at all, no matter what anyone says, because she’s made her promises, and I’m not going to betray my club.”
“You’re an asshole, then, and you don’t deserve her.”
Throwing my arm off my eyes, I sit up and look at her across the room.
She’s standing in my doorway wearing nothing but a pair of thong panties.
No doubt she’s come from someone else’s room, her pussy freshly fucked, her tits fully on display and bare.
Yet she’s got the nerve to tell me I’m fucked up.
“You’re standing in front of me after fucking someone in this club, your body on display and your pussy open for business, and going to criticize me?”
I hate myself the moment the words leave my lips. I shouldn’t take out my own anger and frustration on Daisy. She’s really fucking sweet, always been nice as fuck, and here I am, being an asshole to her.
“I know you’re hurting,” she whispers, but it’s her who’s hurting because I can hear it in her voice, “so I won’t take offense to that, but just know, I know who and what I am, Viking.
But I also know who you are. You can cut your hair.
You can get lost inside your own head. You’re a good brother, a great friend, and a good man.
But you don’t deserve her if you’re not willing to fight for her. ”
She’s right. I don’t fucking deserve Lainey. “Come here, Daisy Duke,” I call out.
Her lips twitch into a smirk as she makes her way toward me. Without a word, she crawls into bed beside me. “I’m not sucking or fucking you this morning,” she murmurs as she wraps her arms around me.
“I’m not licking or fucking you, either. You no doubt still have someone else’s cum inside your snatch anyway.”
She slaps my chest but lets out a laugh that bubbles up from her chest, then I hear her speak. “I probably do.”
“I didn’t mean any of it.”
“I know.”
I fall asleep again. Having Daisy next to me helps, but she’s not Lainey. And as much as I pretend that she could be, both my body and brain know that she’s not. I fucking love that woman, and nobody else will ever compare.
And I can’t have her.