Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Tim
I BARELY REMEMBER falling asleep. Everything after that orgasm is a blur until I fall into perfect, peaceful darkness, my head on Keannen’s chest and his arm around my back. There’s no question this time about why he’s staying, and I’m not surprised when I creak my eyes open and find him sleeping peacefully beside me the next morning.
We must have rolled apart at some point in the night. His arm lies at his side as though it’s around me, and I take the opportunity to snuggle right back in against him. He murmurs, not his usual grumpy grumble, but a warm, pleased noise, and his arm wraps around me again. I nestle against his shoulder as he sighs awake.
“Morning,” he says, voice all rough and sexy from sleep. He kisses the top of my head.
“Morning.”
Morning, a morning where we’re unambiguously, unabashedly together. A morning where we aren’t strangers or exes. A morning that makes the whole world feel like it’s brand new, and renders the future a vast expanse brimming with possibility.
I push myself up onto my elbows so I can gaze down at him. He’s soft and unguarded, yet still undeniably Keannen. Those dark eyes of his pierce through me as keenly as ever, but this time, I get the impression that instead of picking out my flaws, he’s finding strengths I didn’t even know I possessed.
“I love you,” I say yet again, simply because I can.
I dip down to kiss him, and he laughs against my lips. When I push myself up, he brushes his knuckles gently against my cheek.
“Damn sappy virgin,” he says.
“It’s getting increasingly ridiculous for you to call me that.”
“I know, but it’s fun.”
I chuckle. “You’re going to have to come up with some other nicknames if you keep fucking me that good every night.”
“Every night?” He quirks an eyebrow. “You’ll never walk right again if that’s how we do this.”
A pleasant tingle washes through me. My ass is definitely sore this morning after how … vigorous we got last night, but I enjoy the ache. It’s a reminder that that wasn’t a mere fantasy. That was real. He’s real. We’re real as we lie here basking in the afterglow the next morning.
Unfortunately, we can’t stay this way forever. We drag ourselves out of bed and cram into the tiny shower. It’s a ludicrously tight fit. We end up getting water all over the bathroom, but we don’t care since the close quarters allow us to touch each other more. I find myself giggling drunkenly as I run my hands over Keannen’s chest, ostensibly working the soap over his shoulders and down his front.
“You sneak some more whiskey this morning or something?” he says.
“No, sorry. It’s just kind of surreal, don’t you think?”
He goes quiet, and I look up to find him watching me thoughtfully as the water pounds against his back. A crooked, quiet smile tilts his mouth.
“Yeah, ‘surreal’ is the right word,” he says. “I don’t know if this feels more like a dream I can’t believe is real or like we’re seventeen but no one is ripping you out of my car this time around.”
“I guess it’s a bit of both.”
If my mother never found us, would our lives have been like this? Would we have left Baltimore together to escape our families and the restrictions they placed upon us? Would we have dated like normal people in our twenties instead of waiting all this time? We’ll never know for sure, yet this glorious morning holds a sweet, precious hint of what could have been.
“Either way,” I say, “I don’t want to waste another second. We’ve waited long enough.”
Keannen smirks down at me. “So eager. When are you going to have time to be a famous rockstar?”
“When are you?” I counter.
“We’ll see about that one. You’re the one in the big famous band. Baptism Emperor is still living in your shadow.”
I shake my head. “Not after this tour. Everyone saw how amazing you are. This is going to be your shot, I know it.”
Something tense settles between us. We both know that if I’m right (and I’m pretty sure I’m right) Keannen’s life could change quite dramatically quite soon. If both of us have tour schedules and interviews and albums to work on, as well as press on our asses, this fragile new thing between us could face a lot of scrutiny. We haven’t even begun yet and we’re already facing major challenges.
I don’t realize I’ve cast my eyes down until Keannen sets a finger under my chin and tilts my head up.
“We’ll figure it out,” he says. “Whatever comes next, it’ll be fine. Do you really think I’m going to let anything get in my way now that I have you?”
A smile quirks my mouth despite my worries. “No, you definitely won’t. ”
“Exactly. So stop worrying about it. Start worrying about how you’re going to keep it together between here and Seattle.”
I blink. “What?”
“You don’t think I’m not going to text you every filthy thought that crosses my mind in the next two days, do you?”
I can’t stop blinking. I didn’t spare a second for the rest of our journey, but of course he’s going to torment me. We’ll be stuck on separate buses. I’ll have nowhere to hide.
“Oh God, our bandmates have no idea what happened last night,” I say.
He scowls. “I know. We’ll deal with it.”
He kisses me, and we finish up the shower far more soberly than we started it. We were in such a rush last night that we have nothing to wear but the clothes we walked in here wearing. They aren’t exactly the freshest, but in our defense, we’ve spent most of our time in this room naked, so they aren’t as bad as they could be. My actual change of clothes, as well as all of my toiletries, are in the room I was supposed to share with Cameron.
When Keannen and I finally leave our motel room, it comes as no surprise that both of our bands are standing outside waiting for us. They look over, and not a single one of them seems surprised.
Bastards.
“Finally awake?” Erin says.
“Finally awake, or is it more like finally out of bed?” one of Keannen’s bandmates, Jacob, says.
I cringe, suddenly realizing how loud I was last night. Who was in the room next to ours? We were pretty far from my original room, so maybe it was the crew and not the people I have to look in the eye every single day for the rest of the drive home.
“Fuck off,” Keannen says. “You homophobic now or something?”
Jacob rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that’s why we’re annoyed, and not because we’re an hour behind schedule so you two can finally figure your shit out.”
“Hold on, finally?” I say.
Erin’s anger softens. Kelsey won’t meet my eyes. Cameron puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs.
“How long have you all known?” I nearly shout.
Cameron rubs at the back of his neck. Kelsey kicks a pebble across the parking lot.
“It’s not that we knew ,” Erin says. “We just sort of assumed…”
“Oh God,” I groan as heat flushes into my face. I’ve been floundering around for nearly six weeks, and meanwhile my entire band has known since the very beginning, apparently. Were Keannen and I ever a secret, or did they assume we were hooking up from the second we clashed at that first rehearsal?
“If any of you say a single word, I’ll lay you out right here in this stupid parking lot,” Keannen growls .
Jacob cocks his head. “Hey, wait. Speaking of laying out, what the hell happened to your jaw?”
Everyone looks a little more closely, and I try to sink deeper into my shoulders. Thankfully, Keannen comes to the rescue.
“We’re late aren’t we?” he says. “I’ll tell you on the bus. Let’s go already.”
No one argues with that. They’re all eager enough to get home to let us off the hook, but I turn to Keannen before we get on the buses.
“Since everyone knows and all…” I say.
He smirks at me, then leans in for a kiss without me having to ask. I linger against his lips as long as I dare, knowing I won’t get much more of this for the rest of the drive home. A peck here or there, but probably nothing else. Two days has never sounded like such an insurmountable period of time.
“See you in Seattle, Freckles,” he says when we part, and I have never treasured those little spots on my cheeks as much as I do right now.
I get on the bus with my bandmates and brace for the barrage, but they truly are as unsurprised as they seemed outside. They don’t ask questions, not even about the swollen black and blue bruise on Keannen’s jaw. Maybe they’ll ask later. Or maybe I’ll simply tell them. I’ve held back a lot over the years, but if I’ve learned anything these past six weeks, it’s that living in secrecy doesn’t get you the things you want. Holding yourself back from the people you care about, and who actually care about you, doesn’t do anything but put distance between those you should be holding closest.
I’ll tell them. I have two days and a lot of highway to go. I’ll tell them everything. For now, though, I take a seat beside one of the windows and simply watch the world roll by, trying to gather myself before I attempt to explain this whirlwind to the people around me.
Eventually, Cameron sits across from me. He doesn’t talk at first, so I follow my own advice and break the silence.
“Is this why you kept asking if I was okay?”
He has the decency to look a bit bashful. “I wasn’t sure if he was treating you well.”
“He wasn’t, not always, but I think we had to take our own path through this, even if it wasn’t pretty at times.”
Cameron nods. “But you’re okay now?”
My smile rises from the warmth that settled in my chest ever since Keannen and I talked last night. “Yeah, I’m great, actually. I’m sorry it took so long.”
“I’m not the one you need to apologize to.”
“Are you sure? We weren’t exactly not a mess during the tour.”
Cameron waves away the apology. “You were great.”
“Not always.” I had some truly rough nights out there onstage, and the guilt of that hangs over me.
“I don’t think you were as off as you think you were.” Cameron pats my knee as he rises. “You’re too hard on yourself. I hope Keannen’s telling you that as well. And I hope things are good with you guys.”
“They are,” I say, with far more confidence than I thought I could summon for that statement. “Things are really good.”
And they’re only going to get better.