Chapter 38
LUC
After we returned from vacation, we settled into a routine.
The calendar was the only reminder of the ticking time bomb that was spring training.
The only other thing on my radar was the dinner we had planned with Kylie’s family.
Sam and Kelsey’s three-week honeymoon had delayed it until the end of the month.
Kylie had just left for work in the morning when Jack called. He was still in LA, so the fact that he was calling me so early in the morning raised an immediate concern.
“Jack?”
“Did you see?” His tone automatically set me on edge. Jack rarely sounded strained.
“See what?”
“Skylar’s Instagram post.”
“No, but I haven’t checked it in months. Why? What’s wrong?”
“She’s pregnant.”
Stunned, I put the phone on speaker and opened her announcement.
While I had known Sky for more than a decade, she’d never looked more radiant than she did in those photos.
Yes, she likely used a filter and had her makeup done professionally, but there was a lightness in her I swore had dulled in the years we’d been trying to conceive.
I inhaled a long, shaky breath, my emotions everywhere. I didn’t know how I felt about this. Part of me was thrilled that she was getting the family she wanted, but then part of me was angry that it was something I would never have.
She got pregnant. That further confirmed that the problem was me.
I no longer wanted that future with Sky, but I had begun to let myself entertain it with Kylie. But all my hope disappeared as I confirmed it wouldn’t be possible.
“I’ve gotta go.”
I hung up on my brother and dropped onto the couch, unable to process my thoughts or continue trying to verbalize them to him.
I ignored Kylie’s text reminder that we had dinner with her family at 6:00 and crawled back into bed.
Unable to fall back to sleep, I got up and put together a plan.
Hours later, when Kylie got to my door, I opened it, my heart breaking for both of us as I prepared to do the only right thing in this situation.
“Why are you still in sweatpants?” Kylie asked, eyeing the clothes she had left me in this morning.
“I can’t go.”
“Are you feeling okay?” she asked, concern etched across her face.
“I’ll be fine. But Ky,” my voice cracked as I forced myself to say the last words I wanted. “This isn’t working.”
Confused, she stared directly into my eyes.
“What’s not working?”
“Us, Kylie, we’re not working. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Luc—”
She searched my face, attempting to find a different answer from what was coming out of my mouth. Unable to see that, her chest heaved, and her face crumbled. Hell awaited me for hurting her.
“No,” she said with conviction. “This isn’t happening.”
“I’m sorry, baby. It is.”
She shook her head and tried to rush in to touch me. I turned my back on her. I was so close to dropping to my knees and begging for her forgiveness. But as much as I might be hurting her right now, it wouldn’t compare to how much I would hurt her if she had to give up a family to be with me.
Kylie had grown quieter, and I could hear soft whimpers as she cried behind me. Looking over my shoulder, I realized she’d dropped to her knees.
“No, Kylie. It’s not a game. Get up!”
Continuing to shake her head, she sobbed.
“Kylie, this isn’t a game. I won’t change my mind because you’re submitting to me. This isn’t working. It’s over.”
“Red,” she whispered, barely audible.
“God, baby. It doesn’t work that way.”
“Red,” her voice got stronger until she shouted, “I fucking said red.” Her last word came out as a scream.
I picked her up off her knees and held her until she had no choice but to look me in the eye.
“We’re not playing, Kylie. And God, baby. I don’t want to hurt you, but I can’t do this anymore.”
“What did I do?”
“You didn’t do anything. I told you when we met that this wouldn’t be permanent. And I need to end it now; otherwise, it will only hurt more later.”
Then she ran. The door slammed shut behind her, and she was gone.
The silence that remained slammed into me, along with regret and an intense pressure in my chest, as one of the purest people I had ever met walked out of my life.
I hated myself for hurting her. I hated my life for making this the only option.