Chapter 54
LUC
Itucked Kylie in next to me and wrapped her in my arms. The raw pain in her eyes when she saw the toothbrush proved that even though we loved each other, there was still work to do to get back to where we were.
She visibly shuddered when she saw my tattoo, the one I had gotten in the depths of loneliness in my desperation to hold her close to me. When the tattoo artist had scrawled the script on my chest, I had assumed she would never see it.
“If it’s a boy, we should name him Lucky.” Kylie yawned as she spoke, her words coming out as more of a mumble.
“We’re having a girl.”
I don’t know where that conviction originated, but I felt it in my soul.
“Are you just saying that? Don’t all men want boys?”
She turned in my arms and studied me.
“I had given up on having children, which means I feel like this is a gift. Do you think your father is disappointed with all girls?”
She shook her head. “He jokes about it, but he never made us feel like we were not enough.”
“I think what I worry about the most is that while this baby is coming at a time when I am emotionally and financially prepared for it, this isn’t the best timing for you. I feel selfish for being this excited.”
“It wasn’t instant, my acceptance. And the first several weeks were wrapped up in fear.
Kelsey was my rock throughout it. It’s hard to imagine her life before Sam, but she did it alone.
And I’m in a much better financial situation than she was.
Kendra surprised me, too. We’ve come a long way with her; lately, she seems happier than ever. ”
“Jack was pissed the night he consoled you. At me.”
Kylie sighed.
“I thought we were going to talk things out, and until I saw that my code no longer worked, it didn’t seem real.”
“I would have caved, Ky. And you have to believe me, if I thought there was another way, I wouldn’t have done it.”
“I don’t want to rehash this anymore.”
Kylie rolled on her back, and I rested my hand on her abdomen. While she had been frustrated with how her pants wouldn’t zip, her belly was a little more than a bump.
As we lay there, I felt what felt like a small gas bubble against my hand.
“Did you feel that?” she asked.
“Yes. Gas?”
“I don’t think so, Luc.”
“It’s not too soon?”
“Hand me my phone. I need to look it up.”
I passed Kylie her phone, and she texted her mother and Kelsey before jumping on Google.
“What does it say? Is it too early?”
Shit, my eyes were wet thinking that we were together for this first. It was as much of a sign as we could get.
“It’s possible. At sixteen weeks, it feels like…gas.”
She read her text messages. “Kelsey and my mom both said it was the baby!”
I kissed her and pulled her close. Our hands joined on her belly, urging the baby to make itself known again. We fell asleep like that, but neither felt any more movement.
Driving to the ultrasound appointment, I confirmed with her for the hundredth time whether she wanted to know at the appointment or to be surprised later for a gender reveal.
“I want to know. And I don’t want a spectacle for a gender reveal, I would rather it be between the two of us.”
Over the last several days, we had worked to break down some of the walls that Kylie had built. She belonged at my place, and I had been trying to make her understand that it was as much hers as it was mine.
I would be gone on a road trip starting tomorrow, and she still refused to stay at my house alone. I also understood that it wasn’t just about her not wanting to move in, but she didn’t want to be alone here.
We had joked more than once that the baby would need the playroom, and I had a contractor coming to refinish the lower level. I only lived in the city because it was close to the stadium, but if Kylie said the word, I’d move to the suburbs. For many reasons, I hadn’t broached the subject with her.
When we arrived at her doctor’s office, she checked in, and we sat while waiting. She didn’t know this, but I had planned a shopping trip for after the appointment, and then we were meeting her sisters and mother for lunch.
“Kylie?”
A woman called from the doorway, and we stood to follow her. Kylie had worn leggings and rolled them below her belly before climbing onto the examination table.
I checked out the room, and the monitor next to the table was turned toward the tech. She had entered Kylie’s information and pulled up her record.
“Date of birth?”
“9/11/01.”
“Oof. Oh, God. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s not anything I haven’t heard a thousand times.”
“I have here that your last period was around December 15th?”
Kylie nodded. “I’m pretty sure.”
Kylie’s period had always been a little irregular, something that had led her to panic one moment after she’d slept over and bled all over my sheets. She had been mortified, but periods had never been something that bothered me.
The tech turned the screen towards us just before she squeezed some warm gel on Kylie’s abdomen. As she moved the wand, she continued to enter data into the computer and took measurements.
“I have here that you want to know the sex?”
“Yes, please.”
“Ooh, this is a great profile shot.” She froze the screen and took a screenshot. “We will see if the baby cooperates today.”
The sound of the baby’s heartbeat filled the room, and Kylie watched as I wiped away more than a few stray tears.
“I love you.”
She mouthed the words, and I leaned forward to kiss her.
“Do we have any guesses on the sex?”
“He thinks it’s a girl,” Kylie said.
The tech continued moving the wand over the screen and paused it to take a still shot.
“Well, guess what? Dad’s right.”
Kylie’s eyes met mine, swimming with tears, and I pressed my forehead to hers, squeezing my eyes shut.
“What do you think about a girl named Lucky?” Kylie asked the tech.
“I don’t give opinions on names. Last time I did that, the family called the practice and complained that I insulted them.”
“What was the name?”
“Um, they planned to name the baby Lettuce. I guess they were inspired by the shape of her belly and thought about iceberg lettuce.”
“Oh, man. At least we’re not looking to name her after a vegetable.”
The tech wiped the sticky goop off Kylie’s stomach and handed us a stack of ultrasound photos.
“As far as I can tell, September 18th is still your due date. I can’t diagnose, but I didn’t see anything to highlight for the doctor to review.”
We walked out, and Kylie and I made her next appointment. They accommodated my travel schedule, and I wouldn’t need to miss it.
“I have a surprise planned. Are you up for it?”
She looked at me, a flash in her eye.
“No, not that type of surprise.” Kyle had been insatiable, something that hadn’t been an exaggeration. I wasn’t comfortable with bringing her into the playroom, the play scenes pushed my boundaries, and her safety had become a huge concern for me.
“Ok, then what?”
“Baby shopping and then we’re meeting your family for lunch.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “We could look for ideas for the nursery and set up a registry for you.”
Kylie got way too quiet. While I was smart enough to be concerned about her quietness, I knew enough to give her the space to come to terms with her thoughts.
“Okay, Luc.”
“Okay, what?”
“I’ll move in with you.”
“Kylie, are you just doing this because it will be easier on me? Because if you’re not ready, I’ll find an apartment for you and the baby.”
“No. I don’t want that. But sitting there in the office with you, and the other night when we felt her kick, we’re a team.”
“Yeah, Ky. We are.”