Chapter 42
Macey
Wiping yet another tear from my eye, I take the peach pie out of the oven and put it on the cooling rack. I glance over at the buttermilk biscuits I just baked, but I have no appetite. I’ve been unable to bury my grief in food like I’d hoped.
I met Gigi over two hours ago, and I feel just as bad as I did when Ginny and I finally escaped The Cowherd. Worse, really, since Gigi is perfect in every way. She may be spoiled and annoying, but she’s also sweet and cute.
And now, I have to admit that it’s real.
Logan’s engaged.
To some other woman.
I was far too confident in my ability to let him go. I was an idiot, and now I’ve missed my chance to tell him.
Since we were kids, Logan was there for me in every way that I needed him. And he never asked for more than I could give him. Not once. And I don’t know that I’ve properly thanked him for always meeting me where I was at.
So, now I need to do the same for him.
I step out on my back deck and look up at the huge Texas sky. I wonder who’s looking out for me now. Because I know full well that this changes everything. Forever.
I go back inside, throw myself down on the couch, and then pick up the afghan I’ve been knitting all spring.
The red raindrop design in the center is nearly complete.
In fact, it’s so close I could probably finish it right now if I tried.
But I need a different kind of distraction. Human-interaction distraction.
I return to the kitchen, grab my peach pie, cooling rack and all, and walk out the front door.
As soon as I step out of my beat-up SUV and face the one-story ranch house where I grew up, my mind floods with flashbacks.
Daddy storming out the front door, Mama screaming after him, and—depending on the year—Riley or Ben or Free wailing in the background while I attempted to soothe their crying with a pacifier, a bottle, or a hug.
When Free answers my knock, she’s got her long blond hair up in a bun and flour all over her hands.
“Hello, oldest sister and keeper of our dysfunctional family. I have good news for you and bad news for me.” Free wipes her hands on her cute pink apron. “But I think it’s all for the best, really.”
“What’s the news?” I walk inside the foyer.
She leads me into the kitchen, and I stand across from her at the counter.
“I’m moving back home,” she says impatiently. “Weren’t you wondering why I’m here and not at your place?”
“You know, I should have wondered that.” I lay the peach pie on the counter. “But I’ve had kind of a shitty day, and you were supposed to be at class and then dinner with Lana.”
“Oh, don’t worry. My home school class was canceled, and that’s when my epiphany happened. Mama and Daddy are on the verge of something. And while I don’t really want to bear witness to it, somebody has to. And I’m the baby, so it’s my duty still to be the watcher.”
“The watcher?”
“Of their demise. Or their triumphant resuscitation. We’ll see, but either way I’ve moved home.”
“You need to focus on yourself,” I say. “Let me handle our parents. I’ve gotten pretty good at it after a quarter century.”
“But I like helping out. I got nothing better to do.” She gestures to the oven. “Except bake.”
“You’ve got schoolwork. I know you’re tops in your homeschooling class and all, but you don’t want to do anything to mess up your scholarship.”
“I’m not going to mess anything up. I’ll make sure to keep my full ride to the university, so I can move on up to Austin come August. So take that, Audrey Winifred.”
I take a seat at the kitchen table. “Audrey’s still being a little brat?”
“The biggest. She teases me all the time for being…” Free lowers her voice. “Single and…not with a guy yet, if you know what I mean.”
“Oh, whatever.” I give a dismissive wave. “I didn’t lose my virginity till I was seventeen. You’re barely eighteen. It doesn’t matter how old you are; what matters is how you feel when you do it. Don’t ever do something because of peer pressure, Free. Things just don’t work out well that way.”
“But your first time was good?” she asks me curiously. “With Log…”
I cut her off before she can continue. “Yes. And I want yours to be, too.”
“But I thought you said people never usually stay with their firsts,” she presses me. “So why should it matter that much?”
I narrow my eyes at her. “Because it should. Because you deserve that. Even if it ends up as just history, it’s still your history, and you want those memories to be happy ones.”
Loud giggling floats out from my parents’ bedroom.
Free rolls her eyes. “If you’re here to see Mama, she’s pretty much tied up.”
“Jesus.” I tilt my head toward the long hallway. “Did they even stop to have dinner, or did Daddy just chase Mama down to bed?”
“From rehab to reproduction,” Free jokes.
“Just be grateful you weren’t here alone with them like I was.
Riley’s napping; you know she’ll sleep through an earthquake.
Ben’s here now, though. He’s psyched he didn’t have to get up early this morning to help out at Wild Ranch now that Logan’s back and all.
” She pauses. “I’m sorry about the whole Logan is Mr. Darcy thing. What a joke.”
“Yeah. I haven’t quite wrapped my head around it yet.”
“Well, you’re still his wife.” Free looks at my left hand. “Even if you moved the ring. You haven’t signed the papers yet, right?”
Instead of answering her, I gesture to the pie. “That’s for all of y’all. I just baked it.”
As Free returns to stirring the cupcake batter, I glance at the mark above the stove where Mama threw a pot at Daddy’s head and missed after the news of one of his drunken flirtations got back to her.
“Ah, the memories,” I joke.
Free looks at me and then at the mark. “I wasn’t alive for that one.”
“Count yourself lucky, honey,” I say. “Mama dragged me to church with her after. But that happened any day she felt she needed to do penance.”
I jump when I hear Riley in the doorway. “Geez, Riles,” I say. “You’re like a ninja.”
Riley mumbles something incoherent as she takes a seat at the kitchen table. Her straight blond hair still looks perfect even though she just woke up. Her sweatpants and University of Texas t-shirt hug her curves to perfection, and her skin’s as flawless as ever.
I think I was first jealous of Riley when she was a toddler and always seemed able to get Mama to laugh. Life came easily for Riley—from boyfriends to grades to her flawless looks.
I’m nearly twenty-six, and Riley’s twenty but she looks my age, in a sophisticated, only-good sort of a way. She still has the same football-star boyfriend she’s had since high school, and she’ll probably marry him. And he’s perfect.
“Why are you here and not at your own place?” I ask her.
“You know I hate to be alone. I can’t sleep.”
“Wink’s up at the university?” I ask her. “I thought he was coming home this weekend.”
“He had a team thing.”
“In May?”
“He always has a team thing,” Riley pouts. “I never see him anymore. Except in bed when he wants loving.”
“Ah, the sufferings of a star quarterback,” I joke. “He’s going to get drafted as soon as he declares.”
“I know. It’s all he talks about.” Riley looks at me. “You look like hell.”
“Thanks, Riles. You’re so sweet.”
“Can’t believe it about Logan. I don’t know, I thought you two—”
I shoot her a look, and she stops talking and reaches for my hand instead.
“Your nails look like crap. You should come by the salon and let me fix you up.”
“Just because you got a cosmetology degree doesn’t mean you know everything about what looks good.”
“I’m the top make-up artist at the salon,” she argues. “I can do your nails better than they’ve ever been done before.”
“And Mama’s thrilled that her two oldest girls are self-sufficient,” Free says, looking between Riley and me as we barely resist warring with each other.
Free’s finished the batter now, and she pours it carefully into each cup in the baking tin. She opens the oven door just as Ben walks into the kitchen and beckons me outside with him.
I follow him because I can’t wait to get away from Riley, but as soon as he and I get outdoors, I start walking quickly to my car. If I can just get my keys out of my pocket and get to the door—
“I tried to call you.”
I stop moving. “I know. I’ve been busy. I’m sorry.”
“Busy with the news?” he asks me.
“News?” I don’t know why I’m playing dumb. He’s about to say it anyway, and sure enough—
“That Logan’s engaged.”
Ben says the words I detest hearing out loud. At least, not until I’ve adjusted to them myself, which may well be never.
Before I can get away, Ben bends his head and looks at me. “You look pale, Mace.”
I look at my little brother, at his open blue eyes and short dark hair, and I resist the urge to cry on his shoulder. “Yeah, well, I just met his fiancée.”
“I heard she’s blond and model-looking. Alexis was in town earlier—Logan’s brother was talking.”
I set Ben and Alexis up over two years ago now. And they’re not engaged yet.
“She’s a goddess,” I say.
“It sounds like an awfully quick engagement,” he says. “Kind of weird, don’t you think? Are you two even divorced yet?”
“Basically.” I exhale and change the subject.
“So are you happy to be done with your first year of college? You always were a whiz with computer stuff. And Daddy says you’re going to be working at The Cowherd this summer, to learn about running a business.
I’ll be thrilled to have you there. You starting this week? ”
“Macey.” He tries to take my arm.
“I know you feel like your college experience doesn’t count because you’re still living at home. But I can tell you a grade is a grade, and a credit is”—I’m running out of steam and I struggle to get the last words out without choking—“is a credit.”
“You’re not okay.”
“No, I’m not. But I will be. Don’t worry.” I tell him goodbye and jump into my SUV.
I drive down the dark road toward my place, wishing my family visit had given me the distraction I’m craving.
I need to turn my brain off completely.
I’ve only ever found one thing that can do that.
But with the only man I truly want permanently off the market, I need to start getting used to life without him. It’s time I stop holding onto a drunken night in Vegas and move forward.
Before I’ve even arrived home, I pick up my cell phone.
“Hey Jamie,” I say when he answers. “I’m ready to take things to the next level. You want to come over?”