Chapter 109
I tell him to come back up here so I can kiss him, and when he does, I help him roll on a condom. “I want you inside me again. Don’t go easy this time.”
He moves into me with one thrust, and I gasp.
“Like this?”
His name slips out of my mouth in a shrill cry. “Yes. Again.”
He smiles into my eyes as he lets me guide him.
We slow down, and the build-up is intoxicating.
Logan’s heart pounds over mine as he lifts my arms over my head and intertwines our fingers together.
Our movements get faster and choppier, and I close my eyes to savor the feeling of him inside of me.
The closer we get, the harder Logan pulses into me, and when he reaches down and lifts my hips higher, I let out a load moan.
“Right there,” he says. “You love it right there.”
“Yes,” I pant as he hits the spot again and again. “Only you’ve ever touched me there. Nobody else.” Oh, God, I’m going to come. “Just you, baby.”
“Mace, so fucking good,” he sighs as our lovemaking comes to a crescendo.
His words reach my ears, but they sound far away.
When I come down from my high, I lay my head on Logan’s chest, and he strokes my hair.
“You and I are the same,” he says softly. “I never wanted to commit because I never wanted to feel the pain of a terrible break-up. I never wanted to end up like my parents. But since we got married in Vegas, I’ve been wanting to tell you how I felt all summer, Macey.”
“You have?”
“Yes. And when it came out like that at Brick’s, I felt terrible.”
I freeze. “Logan, it’s fine. I understand.”
“Over the years, I’d had dreams of telling you I loved you. But the way it happened wasn’t in any of my dreams.”
I blink. “Wait. You had dreams of telling me that?”
“I’d deny it when I woke up. But my emotions were so strong the first time we had sex when we were seventeen.
I couldn’t shake the intense feelings,” Logan says in a low voice.
“Honestly, I know now that I was in love with you long before then. I just didn’t think I was the kind of guy who could be in a relationship, and that belief clouded everything.
But when I stopped and actually listened to myself—the truth is, I’ve always loved you, Austen Macey Henwood. ”
My response catches in my throat.
Logan cups my jaw and turns my head to face him. “I really hated this summer. Because I realized something—I do want to get married.”
I stare at him. “Logan…”
“But the only person I want to marry is you.”
Oh, my God. Did he just confess…
“I know you won’t say it back,” he murmurs. “I know you don’t love that way, but I don’t care. I love you now, I loved you then, and I always will.”
But I do love that way, I want to tell him. I just did.
Before I can speak, he says, “And I would rather be with you once a year with no commitment than marry some woman—any woman—who’s not you. That I can promise you. I’ll never commit if I can’t commit to you, Macey.”
“Logan.” I put my hand on his cheek.
“So I’m not trying to box you in. You don’t need to change for me to love you. I love you just as you are—my independent, sexy-as-fuck best friend who I want to make love to whenever she’ll have me.”
My eyes fill with tears and some of them spill out onto his bare chest. He reaches out and catches one with his thumb.
“Too much?” he asks me.
I’ve officially lost the power of words. I sit up and raise my hand, asking him to give me a second.
Far longer than a second passes.
“Um…Mace, what’s going on?” Logan finally says as the silence continues.
Tell him, you freaking idiot.
My internal demons are having a moment of war with my heart.
Those demons that have warned me over and over again not to put my heart out there, to never put my heart out there because then it can never be stomped on.
My demons have taught me well, and I’ve consistently listened.
If I keep my heart locked up, it can never be hurt.
But I’m not listening to my demons anymore.
“Are you freaking out?” Logan takes a deep breath. “Because that’s cool. It’s probably crazy fast and…”
He tries to close down his expression, but the pain is all over his face.
I take his hand in mine and look into his eyes. “No, that’s not it at all.” I reach into my purse and retrieve my diary. “I want to read you my Vegas entry.”
Logan’s already shaking his head. “No. Please, Mace. Not that one. I can’t hear it.”
“Why not?”
“Because.” He averts his gaze. “I know how you felt about marrying me and how despicable it was to you. And I don’t want to hear your even more honest feelings on the matter from Drunk Macey.”
I open the diary to the last entry. “You’re gonna want to hear this,” I say firmly.
Logan reaches for the diary to close it, but I lean away from him and turn the diary on its side so I can start reading aloud the brilliant ramblings of Drunk Macey.
I’m Austen Macey Henwood, and I’m very drunk.
Logan snorts with laughter.
I’m in bed with Logan Darcy Wild. My husband.
I sneak a peek at Logan’s face. His eyes are looking down, and his expression is blank. Guarded.
Logan’s my husband. I have a husband. I never wanted a husband. I never wanted marriage. But marrying Logan was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Another peek at Logan. His head jerks up, and we make eye contact. I smile and return to the diary.
Here are the reasons why—
He’s my best friend.
He’s super-hot. And really strong.
When we have sex, it scares me so much because it’s so real. But it’s so good that I always cry when we say good-bye. I don’t want to have to keep saying good-bye.
He gave me three orgasms tonight. I gave him two.
He’s a cowboy. Cowboys are hot. And independent. And they get restless, in a good way. Like me.
He’s been to hell and back with me, and I never once doubted he’d be by my side. He’s the most loyal person I know, and he loves me with everything he has.
We have matching tattoos.
We have the same color eyes.
We bought each other our wedding rings when we were teenagers.
He knows all my dirty secrets, and he loves me anyway. I can always be myself with him.
We protect each other.
I pause and then read the last reason—
I’ve loved him my whole life.
I close the diary.
Logan’s cheeks are wet and pink, and he’s swallowing hard. I put my arms around him and kiss the tears off his face before pulling back to meet his gaze.
“I love you, Logan Wild.” I kiss him again.
“I love you, and I always have. I’m sorry it took me so long to quit fighting myself.
But I’ve never loved anyone else, only you.
The truth is that Vegas wasn’t as much of a mistake as I thought, because you are the only man I would ever break my own no-marriage rule for. ”
He points to my diary. “Why did you turn it sideways to read?”
“Apparently I decided to turn the paper that way when I wrote. Must have been a really good drunk idea. I also wrote so freaking big, no wonder I finished the book.”
“Maybe the book was finished with your decision to open your heart.”
“Maybe it was.” I take his hand in mine.
He squeezes my hand and kisses me lightly on the lips.
“You were right. I’m glad you made me hear your Vegas entry.” He kisses my cheek.
“I tried everything to distract myself this summer.” I shake my head. “I tried to focus on marrying off Ginny and Dave. But I couldn’t marry you off. Not unless it was to me.”
He kisses my neck and then climbs out of the sleeping bag. “Wait there. Be right back.”
I enjoy watching him walk across the grass and over to the truck. I’ll never get tired of looking at a naked Logan and his perfect ass.
He disappears into the passenger side, and I think he opens the dashboard, but I can’t see anything else.
When he returns to the blanket, he kneels down in front of me and takes my left hand in his.
Oh, holy shit.
I’m sure my eyes are as big as Texas, but Logan’s too nervous to tease me. His hands are shaking, and he clears his throat before—
“I know you always swore up and down we could never work and that marriage is something you promised you’d never tie yourself down with, but I’m gonna ask you again—Austen Macey Henwood, will you marry me?”
Logan opens his free hand to reveal the ruby ring that he won for me so long ago—sitting in his palm.
I throw my arms around his neck, and we fall together onto the blanket.
“Yes,” I say as I kiss him over and over. “Let’s get married.”
I touch the ring with my index finger. “Did you keep it in your truck all summer?”
He nods. “I never wanted you to give it back to me. I could hardly stop from telling you what was going on with Gigi and me after you did. But now, it’s yours forever. Just like I am.”
Logan pulls us up into a sitting position so he can slip the ring onto my left ring finger.
“It looks better on you now,” he says. “I know that sounds weird.”
“No, you’re right. We weren’t ready in Vegas. We were meant to get married, but our hearts weren’t ready yet.”
He grins. “Plus, you look really hot wearing just the ring and nothing else.”
I climb onto his lap. “I think it’s the company.”
“So tomorrow’s Independence Day, huh?” he says suddenly as I admire how my ring shimmers in the fading firelight. “How’s your family doing with the whole ghost legend drama?”
I throw up my hands. “You know, that ghost isn’t gonna budge. But it doesn’t mean I can’t.” I look at Logan so I can be sure to see his reaction. “I asked Ben if he wanted to run The Cowherd instead of me. He does. And my daddy gave his blessing. We all signed a new contract yesterday.”
Logan stares at me, trying to make sure I’m serious. When he sees I am, he grins. “So you let it go.”
I nod slowly. “Yeah. I guess I did.”
“I’m happy for you.” He raises his eyebrows impulsively. “Do you want to get married there tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow? Seriously?”
He nods. “No more curses, or jinxes, or haunted cells. Just you and me saying ‘I do.’”
I take his hand. “You and me at The Cowherd Whiskey Chapel on my birthday. Independence Day. Getting married.”
He smiles. “Kind of perfect, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” I say. “I do.”