13. Grayson
THIRTEEN
Grayson
M y chest rises and falls as I breathe noisily through my nose. Anger, annoyance, and something akin to pain rush through me, flowing in my veins and pushing me forward. In all my years, I’ve never had an inclination as strong as I do now to hurt something. Someone .
Fucking Avery Blake and her fucking music .
I crash through the barn door, uncaring when it hits the beam on the other side. When it bounces back into the frame, the building shudders, leaving me alone with the sound of animals moving through hay, the muted music of the band playing one of her songs, and the crowd in the paddock.
Pacing back and forth, I try to calm my anger.
I know it’s irrational. I know that whatever I’m feeling now is just my past hurt coming back to haunt me.
And yet, I hate her a little more for getting on that stage, for singing a song about love and heartbreak, but most of all, I hate how she looked at me, as if I was the cause of it all and not the other way round.
“Grayson.” Her voice is soft and uncertain.
I didn’t realize I’d been in here that long. Long enough for her to finish a second song and no doubt deal with the fanfare. I’m that far under the surface of my frustration.
“Go back to the party, Avery,” I growl, my anger barely contained. I don’t want to take it out on her, but she needs to leave before I say, or worse, do something I know we’ll both regret, like kiss her.
Despite my response, I hear her shut the door and tentatively make her way further into the barn toward me. “I can’t do that, Gray. I’m not going anywhere. We can’t keep going on like this. We should talk rather than run from each other. You clearly have things you need to get off your chest.”
I turn toward her, not bothering to hide my anger. Let her feel it. Let her see how badly she broke me. Avery flinches, stumbling back and resting a palm on her stomach before she rights herself and steps forward.
Prowling toward her, I don’t stop until we’re inches apart. “I said, leave.” I seethe.
A fire sparks in her gaze, and she holds my stare, leaning in a fraction. “And I said, no.”
Time comes to a stop, the sounds around us becoming muted until the only thing I can hear is our breathing.
Her scent, like a field of wildflowers, wraps around me, pulling me into a fog that I don’t know that I want to come out of.
I should step back, say something cruel and cold so she’ll take the hint and leave.
But when I look into her eyes, I don’t see anything but want burning in her gaze, and I’ll be damned if I haven’t tried to forget that fire for years.
I don’t think; I just move. Diving my hand into her hair, I fist the blonde strands and angle Avery’s head. My other hand tosses off my Stetson, and within seconds, our mouths are fused.
All that anger I’ve felt since she showed back up in my life is being channeled into this kiss, and she’s taking it like a condemned man accepting his punishment. I’m taking and tasting everything she has to offer until I’m lost to the sensation of her.
Avery holds onto my shirt, and I bend slightly, repositioning my hands to grip the back of her thighs.
She’s thinner than I remember, and for a second, a twinge of concern twists in my chest before I dismiss it.
Instead, I run my thumbs over her bare skin; it’s just as soft and smooth as I remember.
She wraps her arms tighter around my neck, pulling me closer. Her lips feed from mine, like she’s been starving for this for as long as I have.
“Don’t stop,” she breathes against my mouth. “Whatever this is, I want it. I want you, Gray.”
I nip at her lip, a punishment for the reminder of how she left.
With our mouths still connected, I stand to my full height, forcing her to wrap her legs around me.
With no idea what will happen when we reach it, I head for the empty stall in the far corner.
I know this barn like the back of my hand, so my steps are sure and even, as my mouth remains locked in a battle with hers.
When her back knocks the wall, Avery breaks the kiss. Her chest rises and falls against my own, and with the curtain of her hair around us, I have no choice but to drown in the soft emerald green of her eyes.
She opens her mouth to speak, but I set her down, refusing to listen. Anything she says now will break the spell of whatever is happening.
Easing back, I rest my hands on her hips and turn her away from me. This isn’t about us rekindling; this is giving myself a release after twelve long years of waiting and hoping for her to return to me.
Maybe, after tonight, I can finally move on.
I press my hard body against the back of hers, wrapping my arms around her as I bury my nose in her neck. Avery presses her soft ass into my crotch, forcing a hiss from my lips. My cock aches almost painfully, trapped in the confines of my jeans.
We’re grinding on each other, our bodies speaking of our need for the other.
I barely recognize my own voice when I say, “This is your last chance, Avery. Go back to the party.” I pause, trying to gather my thoughts even as all the blood rushes to my dick.
“Hell, go back to Nashville and forget you and I were ever a thing.”
She doesn’t speak right away, but when she does, the need and heartache in her voice that mirrors my own is unmistakable. “I can’t, Gray.”
Resting my forehead on her shoulder, I growl, “If you don’t, sunshine, I’m gonna fuck you so hard you’ll still feel me inside of you long after I’ve left.”
Avery whimpers, tipping her head back to rest on my shoulder while I look down at her. “I still do.” She hesitates, a blush growing across her chest and cheeks. “Feel you that is.”
My dick throbs at her admission, and I squeeze her against me a little tighter. I need her now, but I know I shouldn’t. We should go our separate ways and pretend this never happened.
“Gray?” Her voice is small and tentative, like she’s afraid I’m going to reject her.
I stare up at the beams above us, praying for the strength to walk away even as my hands roam over her body. In all my years on this planet, I have never claimed to be a strong man. In fact, I’m weak, especially when it comes to the five-foot-something woman in my arms.
“Ave, this is your last chance, because I won’t be able to control myself.
All of this anger I’ve been carrying will come out the second I’m inside you, and I won’t be gentle.
” I move my hand over her stomach and under the hem of her dress.
Her panties are damp, and she moans as I cup her pussy, squeezing it lightly.
My voice rumbles in my chest, foreign to my own ears. “The second my cock is covered in you, I’m going to let go, and there will be no reigning me back in. You have to understand that.”
“Then take it out on me, Gray. I can handle it. I want it. I need it. Please,” she pleads, surety filling her gaze as she looks at me over her shoulder.
I don’t want this to be a mistake, but when Avery presses her body back into mine, like all those years apart never happened, I lose myself to her. Again .
Without a second thought, I twist her hair around one fist, forcing her head to the side as my mouth descends on hers. I use my free hand to undo my buckle and whip my belt through the loops on my jeans before dropping it to the floor.
Avery turns, wrapping her arms around my neck, her urgency matching my own if not a little harder. Releasing her hair, I dive under her dress, gripping one side of her panties and ripping them from her body. She breaks the kiss, the snag of the fabric getting lost in her gasp.
I drive two fingers into her tight channel, my eyes locked on her face, watching the shock that morphs into arousal.
She’s already wet and ready for me. I knew that she would be.
I move inside of her, dusting my thumb over her clit.
Just enough to bring her to the edge, but not enough to push her over it.
“Talk to me,” I demand.
Avery moans, her chest heaving as she struggles to formulate a response. “I-I-It’s so good, Gray. Please don’t stop.”
At her plea, I pull my fingers from her and move back, putting some space between us. Her juices cover my fingers, and I hold them up, fascinated by how they glisten in the sunlight peeking through the cracks of the building.
If this is the only time we have sex again, I want to see if she tastes any different from how I remember. Slowly, I slide both fingers between my lips and lick them clean. I moan, a cocktail of relief and annoyance swirling inside of me. She tastes even better than I remember.
When my fingers are clean and the taste of her lingers on my tongue, I finally allow what little self-control I was holding onto to snap.
I curl my hand around the back of Avery’s neck, tugging her toward me in one swift motion. She lands against my chest with a thud, her hazy, arousal-filled eyes staring up at me.
Without breaking eye contact, I move her until her back presses against the wall behind her. She rests her hands on my hips as her tongue darts out to wet her lips.
I unbutton my jeans and pull my cock free from its confines.
Avery’s eyes drop to where my palm is stroking the hard shaft.
I want to tell her to get on her knees and show me how sorry she is for all the hurt she caused us both.
But instead, I turn her away from me, certain that I’ll fall under her spell and make this into something it isn’t if I look at her while we do this.
As if she knows what I need, she bends at the waist slightly, and I lift the hem of her dress, the globes of her ass cheeks begging for my hands.
I’m powerless to resist .
My hand connects with her fair skin, leaving behind a red mark as she muffles her cries in the crook of her arm.
I’m vaguely aware that we could be disturbed at any minute, and so, without hesitation, I line my cock up with her entrance, before remembering contraception. Blowing out a breath, I shake my head to clear the fog.
How could I be so stupid?
It would be just my luck to get my ex-girlfriend pregnant and for her to up and leave town again. I dig around in my pocket for my wallet, acutely aware of Avery’s gaze on me as I take out a condom, rip open the package, and slide it over my length.
There’s something that looks like hurt shining in her gaze, but I don’t have time to interpret it fully before my mind goes blank as I enter her.
Sliding into her feels like coming home.
For a second, I forget why I was angry. Her breath catches as her body stretches to accommodate me, like it was waiting for this moment.
Like she never left .
And maybe that’s the real problem.
No matter how far away she went, I never let her go.
It’s the cruel reminder of how badly she broke me that has my fingers digging into the flesh of her hips and my hips bucking a little too hard.
I chase the high I know only she can give me. It’s like chasing a ghost; every thrust is a desperate attempt to forget what it meant to lose her.
Avery’s cries of pain and pleasure are muffled but somewhere on my periphery. My movements are uncontrolled and feral as I pound into her. It’s like I can’t quite get enough, but it’s all too much at the same time.
Her walls clamp around me, and I groan, trying to keep the tingling in the base of my spine at bay. I hate how good this feels, like some part of me still belongs to her, even now, like this, in this carnal and raw way.
Avery cries out as she spasms around me, and it’s her moans that pull me back to the surface.
She sounds like the girl I used to know.
The one who promised me forever and made it seem like we would always find our way back to each other.
For a moment, I believe that version of Avery again. And that thought terrifies me.
I clamp one hand around her mouth to keep her quiet and twist her hair around the other, pulling her back until she’s as upright as the position allows her.
Standing on the tips of her toes, Avery presses a hand against the wall as the other holds onto the denim halfway down my thighs.
I bite down on her shoulder as I come, hot liquid shooting into the condom as my balls empty.
My vision blurs at the edges, and my knees tremble slightly, like I might drop to the ground with the force of my orgasm.
It’s only when Avery goes limp in my arms and the muffled sounds of the party beyond the barn come back in full force that I let her go. This was a mistake . I let my body get the better of me, and nothing good ever comes from listening to my dick over my heart.
Lifting Avery from my cock, I remove the condom, throwing it into a nearby trash can, and tuck myself back into my boxer briefs. Zipping up my jeans, I watch, waiting for her to speak as she straightens her dress with shaking hands.
It feels awkwardly quiet now, and I’m acutely aware of the fact that she hasn’t moved and that her back is still to me. I take her silence as regret and pick up my belt, walking away from her and what we just did without a word.
This is for the best .
If I stay, I’ll kiss her like I mean it. And if she walks away again… I won’t survive losing her a second time. I barely survived losing her the first time.