18. Grayson
EIGHTEEN
Grayson
A utumn’s apartment above the coffee shop smells like paint and dust, but it’s coming together.
I got here early, leaving Wyatt in charge of getting things done around the ranch this morning.
I’ve been picking up more of the manual labor, avoiding being cooped up in the office, and he’s been asking for more responsibility.
Although, it doesn’t escape my attention that he’s getting frustrated with my drip-feeding approach.
I swipe the sweat from my brow and reach for the spackle, scooping out a load and smoothing it over the last hole in the drywall.
This place has been left unoccupied for too long, and it’s falling apart.
I’m not sure why Autumn kept it empty for so long; maybe she was waiting for the right person to come along.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, but I ignore it, certain that it’s Tanner Westbrook, my Chief Operations Officer.
He’s been blowing my phone up all morning, no doubt trying to chew my ass out over my lack of time in the office since Avery returned to town.
Doing physical tasks is a good distraction for me, while sitting behind my desk, staring at a screen is definitely not.
Besides, I’ve been getting enough shit from Reed, I don’t need it from Tanner too.
Standing, I brush the dust off my cargo pants before stepping back to admire my work. All that’s needed—once I’ve sanded down the spackle—is a fresh coat of paint, and the place will look more like a home than an abandoned building.
Kade appears on the threshold, his toolbox in one hand and some trash in the other. “Bathroom cabinets fixed.” He drops a hip to lean against the doorjamb. “But the sink’s leaking. I’m gonna have to pop out to the hardware store and get the part to fix it.”
Autumn and Wyatt appear behind Kade, their hands loaded up with coffee and what I hope are pastries.
“I found this one lingering in the parking lot,” Autumn announces, indicating behind her to Wyatt. “How’s it goin’?” she asks, handing out the drinks as she looks around the room.
“Good. Only a few rooms left to paint. If we all pitch in, it should be done by dinner.” I take a sip of my drink, eyeing the bag of pastries Wyatt offers to Kade. I’m starving. Who would have thought that repair work would make me hungrier than ranching, because I sure didn’t.
Autumn rocks back on her heels. “Where do you want me?”
I shake my head, forcing my focus to her. “The front door could use some oil on the hinges, and then the bedroom should be about ready to start painting. Wyatt, you can fit the new kitchen cabinets.”
Autumn steps closer, cupping her takeout cup in both hands and keeping her voice low when she says, “Thank you for doing this, Gray.”
Her words hit me harder than they should, and I look away, unsure of how to hold her gratitude.
“You’re family, Autumn. It’s the least we can do.
” I squeeze the back of my neck, uncertainty leaving me at a loss for the right words.
I can’t tell her that I want to make sure everything’s in perfect working order for Avery, that I’m softening to the idea of her sticking around.
She tilts her head, a knowing look on her face.
“You don’t have to lie to me, Gray. We’ve seen the way you look at her, like you’re trying to get a gauge on whether or not she’s sticking around for good.
Just ask her; it doesn’t have to mean anything other than you trying to understand what she’s doing back here. ”
I sigh heavily, frustrated that she’s calling me out on my bullshit.
“I’ve got too much going on with the ranch, especially with the negotiations coming up for the Evergreen land.
” They don’t need to know what’s happened between me and Avery, especially when it might not go any further than it already has.
“That sounds like a whole bunch of excuses. Take her out for dinner or something, have an adult conversation and clear the air.”
“I need to keep my head in the game, so even if asking her out was something I wanted to do…” I pause, shaking my head when the idea of Avery possibly being pregnant with my child flits through my mind.
We didn’t use a condom, so there’s a chance it could happen, and then what do we do?
Focusing back on the conversation, I continue, “I don’t have the time.
” Even as the words leave my mouth, I know it’s a lie.
I’d make the time for her . And the more I think about it, asking her out sounds like a smart move, especially if we’ve made a baby. I’m just being practical .
Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Wyatt rolling his eyes. I clench my fists at the sight. Rounding on him, I demand, “Out with it.” He holds up his hands in mock innocence. “Whatever it is, just say it.”
He darts a glance at Kade, who shakes his head and widens his eyes. “Fine. You wanna know, I’ll tell you.”
I grind my back molars, preparing for the blow of criticism that is no doubt about to come my way.
“Ever since Dad died, and probably even longer now that I think about it, you’ve been carrying the weight of this family, Gray. We let you because you needed to, but now it’s just holding you back. It’s stopping you from living your life.”
The words hit like a gut punch.
Kade steps forward, resting a hand on Wyatt’s shoulder. “We want to be out working the land with you, Gray. You keep pushing us to chase our dreams, but you’re the one holding the gate closed.”
The urge to argue flares in my chest, mingling with the sting of his words. But what would I say? He’s right. I have been pushing them, but clearly, I haven’t been listening.
“I’m not trying to hold anyone back. I’ve been nothing but encouraging.”
Kade and Wyatt exchange a look, and Autumn comes up behind me, squeezing my arm.
Her voice is soft when she speaks. “Nobody is saying that you’re trying to hold them back.
Kade didn’t use the right words, but what I think they’re trying to say is that they share the same dream as you, so let them help. ”
I stumble back, pacing in the small room and running my fingers through my hair before turning to Wyatt and Kade. “You really feel like this?”
Anguish pulls Kade’s features tight. “Yeah. Working the ranch is all we’ve ever wanted, and you keep carrying the weight of all, but we’re here and ready to pick up the slack.”
Facing Autumn, I study her features and the understanding shining in her eyes. I exhale, long and slow, my chest tightening with the weight of everything I’ve not said. Giving my brothers more responsibility is the easy part, but what comes next with Avery terrifies me.
Still, I find myself asking, “You really think I should ask her out?”
She doesn’t say anything; the corner of her mouth kicking up all the confirmation I need.
I nod, not at her but more to myself. The version of me that’s been buried under duty for too damn long. The one that still wants Avery, aches for her and hopes that one day he’ll get to have her.
Maybe it’s time I finally let him have a say.