Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Faelan
“The prettiest of all flowers, my sweet Faelan.”
“Mum!” I ran across the field to where Eriska stood, her loose dress blowing in the wind. It was a sunny day, rare for Scotland this far into autumn, and my mum’s arms were filled with wildflowers.
She was just as I remembered her, a sunshine smile, friendly eyes, but now with hair going slightly gray rioting around her head.
It was then that I understood I must be dreaming.
My mother never aged in my memories.
Yet when I dreamt of her, I somehow aged her up, as though I still needed to keep the same gap of years between us. It was how I kept her living, I supposed, not just through memories but through what I thought she would look in the now.
But her hug felt real.
And I knew, in the deepest corners of my heart, that her love still was real.
Love never went away.
It just was. Once there, love just existed. The threads of it entwined in the fabric of the universe, contributing to a greater tapestry of all that is and ever was.
“My love. My heart. Faelan of the flowers. What brings you here? Why do you walk so closely to me?” Eriska’s brow creased, and only then did I really take a look around at where we were.
Usually when I dreamt of her it was in the fields by our favorite picnic spot.
But this … this was different. Yes, there were flowers, but we were no longer in the field.
We stood on the edge of the field, and I realized it was on the edge of a cliff that dropped sharply into nothingness.
When I peered over, all I could see was inky night sky, a sea of stars shimmering like sand being tossed in waves, and I gasped.
“Where are we?”
“Oh, my child.” The corner of my mum’s eyes creased in concern. “I think you know.”
I did know. I’d seen it enough times when I was healing a critical patient, hadn’t I?
“It’s the veil, isn’t it? Something’s happened.” I wracked my brain, but for some reason, standing in this in-between space, I couldn’t recall what had led me here. I couldn’t remember much of anything, actually, other than the people I loved and the places I’d been.
“Something has happened.” Eriska tilted her head, her hands squeezing my shoulders, a look of sympathy on her face. “But I’m certain it’s far before your time, my child. I’d read you. This is … unusual.”
“You read me? My death?” My head snapped back as I looked at her in shock.
“Of course. I wanted to know what kind of time you had. I needed to impart as many lessons in you as I could before I left you.”
My mother, despite her flightiness and eternal optimism, had always had a deeply pragmatic streak. Her brow furrowed as she looked me up and down.
“You’re wounded.”
“Everything hurts.” Even now, in this space of in-between, I could feel the pain that wracked my physical body.
“Was it a healing? Did you not divert?” Worry filled her face and her hands tightened on my shoulders.
“I … I,” I tried to remember what had happened. All I knew was it was horrific. Something atrocious had happened. “I don’t know. It was bad.”
“Oh Faelan, my love, you need to go back. It isn’t your time yet.” Eriska nudged me away from the cliff’s edge, turning me back toward the field of flowers. “Come, walk with me for a while.”
If it meant that I could have more time with her, I would. With one glance back at the sea of stars, lapping gently against the base of the cliff, I walked alongside my mother.
“Tell me of this man. You’re in love, I can feel it.”
“Can you?” I angled my head to look at her. I knew, had known, her presence was near, but I hadn’t known how much she could see or feel about my life. Or if I was all just imagining it in my head to bring myself comfort.
“I can. I don’t get to visit as often as I’d like, but I did see him once. He’s a doctor, no?”
“He is. A good one at that.” My stomach twisted, and memories slammed back into me so hard, that I tripped and my mother caught me, righting me. “He’s … Wulver. Oh my God. He’s a Wulver.”
“A … no.” Eriska brought a hand to her mouth in shock. “That’s, well, that’s incredible, isn’t it, honey? I mean, we always thought they were the stuff of legends. But they exist, do they? Fascinating, really.”
“Fascinating?” I hiccupped a sob. “Fascinating is all you can say? What about the fact that the man I love turned into a werewolf before my eyes and didn’t think to bring it up? Like, oh, hey, by the way, I get a little furry around the full moon?”
“I could see where that might be a difficult conversation to have with someone.” My mum kept her arm hooked through mine. “Maybe he just needed time?”
“Well, he ran out of it, didn’t he? A Kelpie attacked. He protected me, in Wulver form. And I didn’t divert.”
“Oh, oh no.” Eriska whirled, her hands to my face. “Darling, we need to fix this.”
“Did you know?” I asked, ignoring her point about fixing this. “About the Order? That I had a connection in Loren Brae?”
“Of course.” Eriska beamed at me. “Why do you think I made sure you saw the advertisement for the practice for sale?”
“That was you?” I thought back to the number of times the ad for the vet practice had crossed my path.
“Aye, it was. Your great, great, grandmother was a healer there. One of the few places we stayed for a long time. I always wanted to get back there, but life led me elsewhere.”
“You didn’t tell me, though. Not much about it. That would have helped.” Frustration twisted low in my gut. All those years of feeling alone …
“Everything comes in its own time, my sweet girl. And now? Now is the time for healing.”
“How? I’m here,” I said, annoyance lacing my voice. I was frustrated. Angry with Luch for hiding from me, and at myself for losing my focus during an intense healing session.
“Well, here is a good place to be.” Eriska smiled at me, her eyes full of love. “I know I was never one for many gifts, as I didn’t have much to give, but let me give you this, my love.”
“What?”
“Come, sit with me, one last time.”
“Last time? Won’t I see you again?” I asked, confused, as I dropped to the ground with her, nestling among the tall wildflowers, their petals fluttering gently around us in the breeze.
“You will, here and there, in your dreams, and I’ll always live in your memory. But like this? This is special. So let me give you a gift.”
“Wait, maybe I don’t want it. Maybe I want to stay here with you.” Tears filled my eyes, and stubbornness took over. Life with my mum had been far from perfect, but at least I’d known I was loved.
“You can’t, my darling child. The only truth in life is that nothing ever stays the same. All we can do is linger in moments, celebrating them for what they are, and learn to move forward with grace.”
“I don’t know what moving forward looks like. Not from here. Not with him.” I gestured to myself, harsh bruises standing out on my arms.
“That’s what makes it even scarier. But just because you can’t see the way doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take the first step. So let’s do it, here and now, together.”
“But what if it’s not the right choice? What if he’s not the right choice?” I scrambled to keep asking her questions, to linger here in this moment with her.
“Do you love him?”
“I do.” The truth of it sat there, hanging in the air between us, and Eriska’s smile widened.
“Then you’ll figure it out. Love always finds a way, Faelan of the flowers. And how exciting! My baby girl has finally found love. With a most unusual and exciting partner. You’ll never have a dull moment, the two of you. I think you need to give this a chance.”
“He hurt me,” I whispered, blinking back tears as the image of my mother began to blur, the dream state I was in starting to slip away.
“And he likely will again. Loving someone doesn’t mean they’ll never hurt you. We’re all human after all.” Eriska laughed and shook her head. “Well, mostly human.”
“I …”
“Wheesht, Faelan, our time fades. Let me help.” Eriska squeezed my hands. “Look at me.”
I did, my love for her on my face, and she smiled. “Repeat after me.”
I nodded.
“What I took, I took in care,
But pain not mine, I cannot bear.
By root and river, flame and mist,
I break the hold of pain’s dark fist.
Through skin and soul, I set it free,
Return it now to earth and sea.
With love I heal, with love I part,
Let light reclaim my weary heart.
As moonlight fades and sunbeams rise,
I call the peace behind all skies.
Sprites of Wind and Mothers of Stone,
Guide this hurt to be dethroned.”
At the final word, the wind picked up, and a tornado of flower petals swirled around me and when I blinked my eyes open, white ceiling tiles greeted me. The steady beep of a heart monitor told me where I was, and I shifted, turning my head to see a woman in a wheelchair by my bed.
“Ah, there she is. Welcome back, Faelan. We haven’t met yet, but I’m Leslie, Luch’s mum.”
“Is he?” I couldn’t bring myself to say the words.
“He’s just fine and chomping at the bit to speak with you. I only sent him away because he hasn’t eaten in a day now.”
“A day?” I croaked. My throat was dry, and I had a powerful thirst.
“You’ve been out for two now, since the accident.” Leslie wheeled forward and picked up a cup with a straw and leaned toward me. Turning my head, I took the straw and sucked, my eyebrows winging up as I realized the concoction was an iced version of my special healing tea.
“Iced tea?”
“Any type of your tea we could get into you, we tried. Luch insisted. He’s quite rabid for you, I’ll admit.” A melancholy smile crossed her face. “And I’m happy for it, even though I know it means he won’t be coming home.”
“He won’t?” I shifted, testing my limbs, surprised to feel the pain had disappeared.
Eriska. She’d done this.
Sending up a silent “thank you” to her, I scooted up the bed so I could sit up and take a proper look at Luch’s mum. She was a tiny thing, but pretty as could be, with kind eyes and a warm smile.