Chapter 4
Victoria
I’m running late on Monday morning. Mondays are my busiest day of the week.
I have classes from ten to two and then go straight to my job at the mall.
I’m an assistant manager at a boutique clothing store, where I’ve worked for three years, so I make more than minimum wage and it allows me to save a little.
Of course, I had to buy my car, and I pay for my own insurance, gas, and even my phone.
My parents essentially let me live in their house and feed me.
They don’t even pay for my college. I was lucky enough to get a scholarship but it’s not a hundred percent so I’ll graduate with some loans but nothing like the loans I know others have had to take.
This is my last semester since I’ve been taking full course loads and going to school through the summer as well, so I can’t wait to graduate and find a well-paying job.
I don’t want to waste money renting an apartment so I’m going to suck it up living with my parents as long as possible because it’ll give me the opportunity to save for a house.
South Florida real estate is daunting so it might take a while, but I don’t care.
I want something of my own, something no one can take from me or hold over my head.
I have an idea what area I want to live in, and it’s expensive, but if I can get a job in my field, I should be able to save a hundred thousand dollars in two or three years. At least, that’s the plan.
I don’t know if my parents are going to start asking for rent.
I never know anything with them. They run hot and cold with both me and my sister, it can be mentally exhausting sometimes.
Part of me feels bad because I know they’re doing what they think is right.
But another part of me is so damn tired of being treated like a second-class citizen.
It’s like I can’t do anything right.
Even when I get straight A’s, they ask why I didn’t take more classes.
When I got promoted to assistant manager, they thought I should be store manager.
My dad thinks it was a waste of money that I bought a new car instead of something used, but the new car came with roadside assistance and an extended warranty, so I don’t have to worry about breaking down or repairs.
It just feels like I’ll never meet their expectations, no matter how hard I try.
“I won’t be home until late,” I call to my mother as I grab my backpack.
“Have a good day,” she calls, not even looking up from the magazine she’s reading.
“Bye!” Charlie waves to me, his mouth full of waffles.
“Bye, sweetie!” I walk outside and get into my car.
It’s nothing fancy, a Toyota Corolla that gets me where I need to go with no issues. My car payment is manageable, insurance is pretty cheap, and it’s good on gas mileage, so I don’t care what my dad thinks. Well, not much anyway.
I pull out of our development and onto the main road. I glance in the rearview mirror and the big black SUV behind me looks vaguely familiar. I frown, staring at the reflection.
That can’t be Jordan.
Can it?
I must be imagining things since I’ve thought about him more than I want to admit the last couple of days.
Seeing him re-opened some wounds I thought were long since healed, but apparently, they’re not.
There are still so many things I want to say to him, questions I want to ask, things I wish we’d been able to talk about.
But he disappeared and left me to deal with the aftermath alone.
My father was a jerk, no doubt about that, but I thought Jordan loved me enough to fight for me.
I was such an idiot then.
And I need to stop thinking about him now.
I get on I-95 and head south toward where I go to school. Traffic isn’t bad this morning and I get to the exit in record time. I’ve just pulled into the parking lot and I see the black SUV again.
What the hell?
My heart rate kicks up a little and I frown. The parking lot is packed since everyone is arriving for their ten o’clock classes, so I’m not particularly scared, but it’s a little weird to think someone followed me.
Unless…
Stop thinking about Jordan, I tell myself firmly.
I pull into the first empty spot and put the car in park. Twisting in my seat, I look in both directions—and then I see him.
Jordan.
Yup, he followed me to school.
I’m annoyed but not afraid.
Obviously, this was done by design and, in true Jordan fashion, he chose a very public place where he knows I would feel more comfortable.
God dammit.
Why does he make it so hard to be mad at him?
That annoys me even more, and I slam my car door as I get out.
“Did you seriously follow me?” I demand as he approaches.
“I did,” he says, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his khaki shorts almost defiantly. “I didn’t want to make a scene at your house or get lawyers involved, so I chose this route. In a public place so you wouldn’t think I was being creepy.”
“Lawyers?” I stare at him in confusion. “Why on earth would you need a lawyer to talk to me?”
“To force you to tell me if that blond little boy at your house the other night is my kid.”
“What?” I stare at him in confusion. “Is this some kind of joke?”
He stares right back, the expression on his face completely serious.
“It’s a simple question, Victoria.”
“You think…” I’m momentarily so flabbergasted I can’t even formulate a sentence.
He thinks Charlie is his? Why would he—of course.
Charlie is very fair, just like both Jordan and me.
Charlie is also tall for his age and looks older than he is.
He could pass for four years old pretty easily, even though he’s only three.
Which is about the age our baby would be if he or she had lived.
“Dammit, Victoria, is he mine or not?” he asks, his voice hard and edgy.
For some reason, tears prick my eyelids.
He really thinks I’m capable of something like this? That I would have kept his kid from him? Even after everything that happened, how could he think that about me? That hurts almost as much as when he broke my heart.
“No,” I whisper, swiping at my eyes angrily. “Jesus, how could you think that?”
His eyes meet mine and we stare at each other wordlessly until a sigh escapes him.
“I’m sorry. But when I saw him…”
“He’s Ivy’s son. He’s three. She got pregnant around the time we…broke up.”
“Your sister Ivy had a baby?” He’s staring at me again. “She was…what? Sixteen?”
I nod. “Had him when she turned seventeen. The dad wanted nothing to do with her. He joined the military and disappeared, we haven’t heard from him since.”
“You didn’t sue for child support?”
I roll my eyes. “You know my dad. He said she’s better off without him in her life so she didn’t want to fight him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Our parents wouldn’t let her have an abortion either…so she had a baby during her senior year of high school and now she works full-time while my mom watches him.”
“I didn’t know what to think,” he says. “When I saw him, and how he ran to you, my mind started racing.”
“We lost our baby,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes again. “You know that.”
“Technically, I never got to be alone with you again. Everything came from your parents or my lawyer. For all I know, you all lied to me.”
I feel a strange combination of frustration and guilt.
That part was my fault.
He wasn’t blameless, but I could have fought harder to talk to him, at least one more time. I should have. The baby I lost was his child too. It was completely unplanned, an accident due to a broken condom, and we were both scared.
My father was furious, though.
And I let him convince me that Jordan was bad news. That he wouldn’t take care of me or our baby. That he’d cheat and lie and dump me. Even though Jordan had never been anything but wonderful.
“I never would have lied about something so important,” I whisper, my voice thick with emotion. “I can’t believe you think that of me.”
He looks away, his jaw tight. “I can’t believe you let your father convince you I wasn’t good enough for you.”
Ouch.
“And I can’t believe you didn’t love me enough to fight for me.”
His eyes snap to mine and he scowls. “Fight for you? Your father was threatening to have me arrested, to destroy me in the court of public opinion, to—”
“He had no leg to stand on legally!” I say in frustration. “We’re less than a year apart in age, and I never accused you of anything so—”
“Yet,” he interrupts. “But you did anything and everything your parents told you to do and I couldn’t stick around, waiting to find out if they could talk you into lying about our sexual relationship.”
“The whole time we were together, you promised you’d be there for me. You promised you loved me. Instead, when shit hit the fan, you left me. Alone, heartbroken, and grieving the baby we lost, in case you forgot!”
“In case I forgot?” His voice rises slightly as his eyes narrow.
“You think I fucking forgot that our baby died? Your father wouldn’t let me near you after the car accident!
Police were involved, lawyers, even my coach had to show up.
It was a fucking nightmare. You do realize I almost lost everything after that, right?
My career, my friends, my reputation—I was this out of control nineteen-year-old pro athlete who needed reining in.
And in the blink of an eye, they banished me to Atlanta.
I lost my girl, my kid, and my future—in one fell swoop. So don’t talk to me about being alone!”
We glare at each other and a twinge of guilt creeps in, this one much stronger than the last.
I couldn’t control the things my father did and threatened to do, but Jordan definitely got the short end of the stick professionally.
“I didn’t realize…” I say after a few minutes. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.” He huffs out a breath. “Do you want to…go get a cup of coffee? I feel like there’s a lot we never got to say. It might be good to have some…closure.”
I have to get to class, have a busy day ahead of me, but he’s right.
It might be good to get everything off my chest. All the things I wished I could have told him four years ago. Maybe this is what I need to finally move on and truly get past the events that nearly destroyed both of us.
“Okay,” I say softly. “I’d like that.”
“I’ll drive. Come on.”
And just like that, I’m back in Jordan’s SUV.