Chapter 9
Jordan
It’s a short road trip, playing Tampa and Carolina, and we win both games.
Now that there’s a plan to see Victoria again, I can focus on hockey. For the most part, anyway. I still think about her a lot more than I probably should, and we text. A lot. We’re both busy, so sometimes there are hours between each text, but other times we sit up talking late into the night.
And somehow, it’s almost like no time has passed.
We could always talk about anything and everything, and that hasn’t changed.
She enjoys hockey so I can tell her about my days, and since she works retail, there are always funny stories about her customers.
Mostly, we’ve kept things light. I’m not sure if it’s because we already talked about most of the heavy stuff or if we just don’t want to get into it again when we’re apart.
Either way, we seem to be easing back into…something.
Friendship. Dating. A relationship.
I honestly don’t know and though neither of us said the words, it’s pretty obvious we don’t want to label it just yet.
Which is fine with me. If my teammates, other than Jude, find out she’s back in my life, I’m going to get a fuck ton of shit from them.
I don’t want to think about how Coach Petrov will react.
If I was smart, I’d walk away.
But I can’t.
At least, not until I figure out if the spark between us is indicative of genuine feelings or just the combination of shared history and physical attraction.
She’s still gorgeous, even more so than before.
If I’m honest, I don’t know how I’m going to keep my hands off of her.
Sex isn’t the end game, not with Victoria, but it’s up there.
It’s been about a month since I’ve gotten laid, which is a long time for me.
“Hey, we’re going to go get some wings and watch some basketball,” Milo says to me as the plane descends on Sunday. “You wanna go?”
“Sorry, I have plans,” I say casually.
He squints slightly. “Who with?”
“What are you, my mother?”
“Why are you being weird?”
“I’m not being weird! I made plans—what’s the big deal?”
“If it’s not a big deal, why won’t you tell me what they are?”
“Because it’s none of your business?”
“So, it’s a girl.”
“A woman, and yes.”
“Why didn’t you just say that?”
I roll my eyes. “I just did!”
“Okay, have fun.” Milo shrugs and goes back to doing something on his phone.
I feel a little bad for giving him shit, but this thing with Victoria is too new—and way too complicated—to tell anyone. Not yet. Jude and Chloe know, of course, but I know they won’t say anything.
Victoria and I are meeting at a restaurant on the water in Deerfield Beach, a little outside the area where most of our friends spend time.
It’s inconvenient that I can’t just pick her up, but for the immediate future, it’s better this way.
Besides, it’s all new. Ish. I mean, we know each other pretty damn intimately.
I know how she likes to be kissed, what it sounds like when she comes, and what it takes to make her laugh.
I have distinct memories of what it feels like to cup her breasts or be buried deep inside her.
And most of all, I know how easy it is for us to just be together.
A walk on the beach or quiet evening at home was always fine with her. She liked going to my games, but it wasn’t mandatory and she never tried to show off that she was dating a player. She’s hard-working and talented, can be studious when she has to be, and we generally like all the same things.
Maybe horror movies and rollercoasters aren’t her thing anymore but my gut tells me the big stuff hasn’t changed.
It’s just a matter of discovering how that works now that we’re truly adults.
With responsibilities and obstacles that didn’t exist before.
Her parents never liked me, but they probably assumed it was a first-love fling that would end once she graduated.
Instead, everything blew up in April, just under four years ago.
I see her waiting outside the moment I pull up and I jump out of my SUV, absently taking the ticket from the valet.
“Hi,” I say, drinking in how pretty she is.
“Hi.” She tilts up her face and I brush my lips across her cheek.
“You look beautiful,” I say.
“Thank you.”
I put my hand at the small of her back as we walk inside and the hostess leads us to a table overlooking the water.
The sun hasn’t quite set yet so it’s the best time of day to be here and for a moment neither of us says anything.
There’s a breeze coming in off the water, and the sound of the waves crashing on the shore is relaxing.
“This is nice,” she says. “I’ve never been here.”
“I love this place. I don’t come often, but it’s a nice treat. Especially for date night.”
Her eyes narrow slightly and I already know what she’s going to ask.
“No,” I say before she can open her mouth. “I don’t bring a lot of women here, but yes, I have once or twice. I haven’t been a monk for four years.”
She dips her head and nods. “I know. Me either. I just…I don’t know. I guess I felt a twinge of jealousy. I have no right to feel that way, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit it.”
The thought of her fucking another guy makes my blood pressure skyrocket, but I probably shouldn’t admit that out loud, so I just nod instead. “Yeah, I get it. I don’t want to think about you with other guys either.” There. A toned-down version of what I’m feeling.
“I think we’re entitled to feel however we feel,” she says after a moment. “It’s part of being human. It’s just a matter of how we handle those feelings.”
“There are a lot of feelings,” I say. “Good and bad.”
“Let’s start with the bad,” she says. “Go ahead. Tell me something bad you feel in relation to us.”
“The idea of you fucking other guys pisses me right off.”
To my surprise, she throws her head back and laughs. “Well, ditto. And I’m sure you’ve slept with a lot more women than I have men.”
I chuckle. “Okay. Fair enough. Your turn.”
“It frustrates me that you’re doing so well without me while I’m just…floundering.”
“How are you floundering?” I ask in confusion. “You’re about to graduate college, something I never did, and you’re working to pay your bills. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“I’m working at the mall, in retail, something completely different than my degree. I still live with my parents. And I’m getting a degree in something I’m good at but not something I love. Meanwhile, you’re living the dream making millions of dollars.”
I hesitate because I don’t want to minimize her feelings.
We’re supposed to be honest here, a way to start with a clean slate.
“Honey, less than one percent of all athletes make it to the level I’m at.
Part of it is skill but there’s also a lot of luck.
And remember, I almost lost everything. I had to work my ass off to get back to Lauderdale.
There were many, many days I thought I’d be in the minors forever. ”
“Yes, but you made it. I don’t have anything like that to aspire to.
Yes, I’ll probably get some corporate accounting job making six figures.
Eventually I’ll get raises, maybe a promotion, but at the end of the day, there’s nothing to aspire to.
Not really. And that’s not your fault, but we’re supposed to be honest about all this stuff. ”
“Only you can control your destiny,” I say lightly. “You can accomplish anything you put your mind to. And maybe after a few years of working in accounting, you’ll figure out what’s next and make that happen.”
She smiles, shaking her head slightly. “You’re still good at talking me off the ledge.”
“Have we moved on to the good stuff?”
“I don’t know. Is there any more bad stuff?”
“I’m not super happy with us having to be sneaking around again. We’re adults. I should be able to have a man-to-man conversation with your dad so we can move past this nonsense.”
“And maybe we’ll get to that point. I think we have to decide what we’re doing and what we want from this relationship before we open that can of worms.”
“Agreed.” I pause. “Anything else?”
“Am I going to be a secret from your friends too? Your teammates?”
I hesitate. “Probably. At least, short-term. I think I mentioned that I live with Jude and Chloe, and we’re close, so they know, but no one else.”
“Do they hate me too?” she asks softly, pretty green eyes filled with uncertainty.
“I don’t think anyone involved hates you,” I respond. “It’s more that they’re worried about me. They know how destroyed I was after the break-up, and then being sent down sucked. I was angry at the world for a long time.”
“At me?”
I don’t want to answer her but I have to. It’s only fair.
“Yeah, I was mad at you for a long time.”
“I was mad at you too.”
“But you’re not anymore.” It’s not really a question.
“No. Not anymore. Mostly, I feel like I found something I lost. Something really important, that I never got over. Now that I found it again, I want to make sure I’m careful not to lose it again.”
Fuck.
That’s almost exactly how I feel.
She just said it more succinctly.
“I have no intention of getting lost—or losing you either.”