Chapter 16
Jordan
It’s not until we’re leaving the theater that I realize I haven’t been to the movies with a woman since we broke up.
I’ve gone with the guys lots of times, but never on a date.
I don’t think it was intentional but there are so many things Victoria and I did together that I never did with anyone else.
So, I mention it to her when we get back to the house after dinner.
“I have,” she admits sheepishly. “But only with one guy. Going to a movie was his idea of date night. That or dinner. We literally never did anything else.”
“He sounds kinda boring,” I quip, trying to keep a weird twinge of jealousy at bay.
“He was. One of many reasons it didn’t last.” Her eyes twinkle, though I’m not sure if she’s amused or somewhat aware of my unfounded jealousy.
Part of me wants to ask if he sucked in bed too but it’s none of my business. She had every right to sleep with whomever she wanted. Even though the thought of it makes me want to kick something.
“Want to go up to my room and watch TV for a while?” I ask, before hurriedly adding, “No pressure, just privacy.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Jordan,” she says softly. “And yes, I’d love to hang out for a while.”
It doesn’t look like Jude or Chloe is home, so we walk upstairs hand-in-hand. I open the door to my room and flip on the light.
“I haven’t done much in here,” I admit. “It’s a place to sleep and shower. I keep the rest of my stuff in the garage.”
She looks around with a smile. “But it’s still you. Big TV over the dresser with the gaming set up beneath it. Guitar in the corner. Not much else. I’m impressed that the bed is made, though.”
“Cleaning service comes twice a week—they were here today. The rest of the time, it’s not made.”
She laughs and sits on the edge of the bed. “It’s okay. When I move out of my house, I’m never making my bed again because my dad used to do inspections. He doesn’t anymore, but I still make it just because I don’t want him to walk by and find something to yell about.”
“Is he still yelling at you like you’re a kid?” I sink down next to her.
“To be fair, it’s not often. I’m not home a lot and if Charlie is in the room, he’s all about his grandson.”
I cock my head slightly. “Is that good?”
“I mean, it’s good that he loves him and spends time with him since his father is a deadbeat. But it’s kind of sad that it took a grandson to make him happy. Like having daughters wasn’t good enough.”
“I’m sorry.” I reach for her hand, and she shrugs.
“You know how it is with my dad. He’s strong and takes care of us, but it comes with a price—discipline and good behavior are the only things rewarded with attention.”
“Not love?”
“I don’t know that he’s capable of that kind of love. He loves us—God forbid anyone tried to physically harm one of us—but he’s not a man to show emotion.”
“I think there are a lot of men like that. Especially their generation. My dad absolutely loves me, and he says it, but he doesn’t often show it.”
She wrinkles her nose. “I don’t want to be with a man who can’t show it. Who won’t be happy if we have only girls. Who doesn’t think women are worthy of anything beyond being homemakers and baby incubators.”
“I don’t think that way,” I say thoughtfully, “but in some ways, anyone who winds up with me will have a tough time having a career.”
“Because of hockey,” she says, nodding. “That’s different. It’s not because you don’t allow it, but a sacrifice made by a woman who loves you so you can play as long as possible making good money that will provide for your family once you retire.”
I love that she gets it. That she gets me. We seem to be on the same page about everything. Granted, we haven’t discussed every single topic, but I can’t think of anything major we would disagree on.
“Would you be down for that?” I ask quietly. “Because there’s no guarantee I’ll spend my career in Florida. I could get traded to Buffalo or Alaska or Nashville next year. Or maybe somewhere in Canada.”
“Is your contract up?”
I shake my head. “Not this year, but next year. And even so, I don’t have a no-trade clause.”
She nods. “Well, obviously, if things work out with us, I’d go wherever you go.”
“What about your family?”
“If we get to the point of marriage and whatever, we have to do what’s right for us, for our little family.”
“I don’t want to go any further with this, what we’re doing, until you’re sure you’re down for the kind of life it’s going to be.
I could get traded a lot. I could stay here my whole career.
And if we have kids, it’ll be you dealing with them and school and everything related to the move every time it happens.
I don’t know exactly how it works because I’ve only ever been with the Knights, but it won’t be easy.
I could get traded on a Tuesday evening and have to report to the new city Wednesday. ”
“I know. That doesn’t scare me.”
“What does?”
“What scares me? Well, pretty much everything else.” She wraps her fingers with mine.
“How your teammates and their wives are going to treat me. How my family is going to treat you. How we’re going to make things work over the next two months with you guys heading into the playoffs and me gearing up for graduation.
There’s a lot that’s scary—but not the possibility of moving.
That’s just life as the wife of a hockey player. ”
“After all we’ve been through…can you picture yourself as my…wife?”
“You’re the only guy I’ve ever been able to picture as my husband—so yeah.”
Fuck.
I dip my head and kiss her, capturing her lips with a possessiveness I haven’t felt in a long time.
I don’t just want her—I need her. I need to touch her, taste her, and feel her warm, wet pussy enveloping me.
It’s been too damn long, and though I can’t say I haven’t had good sex since we’ve been apart, it’s never been the same. Not like it was with her.
I want her so bad it’s killing me.
Our tongues tangle as if she’s just as desperate for me as I am for her. I don’t want to rush, but I can’t seem to hold back either.
“Baby, tell me you’re ready.”
“So ready.” Her eyes are glassy as she blinks up at me. “But I’m not on any birth control.”
“That’s all right. I’ve got condoms.”
“What about Jude and Chloe?”
“What about them?”
“I don’t know. Will it be weird having sex in their house?”
“Well, I mean, they certainly do it. When I moved in we agreed I wouldn’t bring home one-night stands or anything. That’s more of a safety risk than anything else, but otherwise, I contribute to the household, so it’s my home too.”
“Okay.” She says it but there’s something in her eyes giving me pause.
“Talk to me, baby. What’s wrong? If you’re not ready…”
“No, I’m ready. It’s just…”
“What?” I put one hand on the side of her face. “Tell me.”
“Are we…” She bites her lip as if it’s hard to say what’s on her mind.
“Are we what?” I ask softly, suddenly cognizant of what she’s thinking. “Seeing other people?”
“Oh, well, obviously you can still read my mind. Yeah. That.”
“No. I don’t know where this is going but I haven’t been with anyone else since that night at the club, and I’m not planning to sleep around while we’re figuring it out.”
“I don’t have any right to ask for exclusivity at this early date but we’re not like other couples who’ve just started dating.” She meets my gaze worriedly. “Between our history and all the obstacles in front of us, there have to be boundaries. For me, that’s a big one.”
“What about you?” I ask playfully. “You really don’t have any boyfriends in the wings?”
She shakes her head. “No. There have been a few guys over the years but nothing serious. Nothing ever felt right.”
“It’s the same for me. I tried but I just never caught feelings. There were some nice girls too. They just weren’t…you.” I look away because this is a lot of raw emotion.
“I compared everyone to you. It wasn’t intentional but I couldn’t help it. And once I realized there was no comparison, I sort of gave up.”
“It’s almost like we were living parallel lives.”
“But fate brought us together again. And we can’t ignore that.” Her eyes bore into mine as she says, “Take me to bed, Jordan.”