Chapter Seventeen #2
He just couldn’t stop.
“I needed nothing, until I lost her,” she said into the top
of his hair. “And then I saw you, and I got what I needed.”
He made that sound again.
She held his head so tight against her chest, she was
probably giving herself a bruise.
“Everyone loves him so much,” he pushed out. “And I have no
fucking clue who he is.”
“Oh, baby,” she whispered, kissing his hair, rocking his
body, holding on tight. “He’s you.”
That was when it happened, it broke, coming hard and fast
and hot, it poured into her shirt.
At the end of it, they were lying on her couch, Archie
wrapped around him, Jagger with his cheek resting on her chest, his arms curled
around her body, his mind a fog, his body exhausted.
“I shouldn’t have kept away. I shouldn’t have nursed my
fucking pride. I should have come to you sooner,” he muttered to the back of
the couch. “I should have been there to help you deal with Elijah’s bullshit. I
should have been there for you. I should have had you.”
“The trigger,” she whispered.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing, honey. Shh,” she shushed.
“He would have had you. He wouldn’t have waited.”
He was talking about his dad.
Graham Black.
His father wouldn’t have kept his mother hanging.
Jagger didn’t do the same.
He’d failed the woman he loved.
“Jag, honey, it didn’t happen that way. It happened this
way. And for us, this was the way it needed to happen. I’m not angry. I’m not
hurt. I have you now. I’ve got what’s mine. I’m good. So good, baby. So, so
good.”
He took in a deep breath, let it go.
And another.
And then, “All my life, she grieved for him. I had to watch,
loving her and not being able to help her.”
Archie stroked his hair.
“I didn’t get it, until I saw you. And I was scared as fuck
how I felt about you. Because love for me was mixed up in loss. In pain. In
void.”
Arch stayed silent and stroked his hair.
He dropped his head back, and she tucked her chin in her
neck to look down at him.
And he said, “I love him and have no memory of him. I miss
him and I never knew him. He’s everywhere and he’s never been there. All that
shit is whacked. It makes no sense.”
She cradled his cheek in her hand and replied, “It makes
perfect sense to me, because he’s right here and I’m so, so, so glad
he is.”
He’s right here.
Jag pushed up and took her mouth, rolling on top of her.
Archie rounded him with her arms and kissed him back.
He ended it and shoved his face in her neck.
She returned to stroking his hair but added his neck,
shoulders and back.
“I wanna watch that movie with
you,” he said into her skin.
“Right now?”
“No. I don’t know when. But soon. Though, tomorrow during
the day I’m hanging in the shop with you.”
“Okay, we’ll go to your place after we close.”
“No, here. When we watch it, I need to watch it here.” He
lifted his head and looked down at her. “I need to be in your space when I see
it again.”
She nodded, swiping her hands over his forehead, his cheeks,
pushing back his hair, touching him constantly.
“I have to talk to my mom,” he admitted.
“Yeah, you do,” she said gently.
“Will you be there with me?”
“At your side, baby.”
At his side.
He bent and touched his mouth to hers.
He lifted away and told her, “I also need to sit down with
Tack. They were best friends. I need to know my father. I need to feel what he
feels when he says the words. I need to look at his face as he’s saying them.”
She nodded. “You want me there for that too?”
“I don’t know. Can we see?”
“We can do anything, honey.”
We can do anything.
They could.
They were alive.
Breathing.
They had time.
She was right there.
Right there.
And she was his.
“You okay after all that happened tonight?” he asked.
“I am now.”
He felt a rueful grin hit his lips. “Not sure how that can
be, me losing it on you.”
“Because you gave that to me, and it’s precious, I needed it
and you needed to let it go.”
“Well, if you say it like that,” he joked.
Her mouth got soft, letting them have that moment of humor,
before she kept talking.
“There’s also more. Because you asked me if I was okay and I
need that too, Jag. We’ll work this out, with time, getting to know each other
better. And you’ve gotta tell me if I’m wrong, but I
sense you need space to sort your head out. The thing is, I don’t. I need you.
I’ve needed you since that day I first saw you. I need you to ask. I need to
talk things through with you. I need to lay shit on you. And you can’t hold
back, thinking I need space. Thinking I need what you need. I’ve been
shouldering everyone else’s shit for a long time, honey. I don’t want that. I
want someone with me to help me carry the load.”
Shit, he’d fucked up.
“That’s me, Archie. I’m that someone. I hear you and I won’t
hold back again.”
“If you mean with me and the burdens I’m carrying, okay. If
you mean with you, you do what you need to do too. If you need to hold on to
what you’re feeling until you’re ready to give it, you do what you have to do.
Am I making sense?”
He nodded.
Something changed in her face and he braced at the sight of
it.
She didn’t make him wait.
“The thing with your throat…I won’t touch it again.”
He settled some extra weight on her, not much, just
hopefully enough to show her he was relaxing and take her to that place with
him.
“With your mouth, I’m good. Not your hand apparently, okay?”
he shared.
“Okay, boyfriend, but just to say, you put my hand there
when we were talking about tats.”
“I was in control of that, tonight—”
She cut him off, nodding. “Yeah, I get it. And I’ll steer
clear.”
He touched his mouth to hers.
Lifting away, he realized he still felt foggy, tired.
But also relieved.
Jesus, he’d been holding that so deep and so long, he didn’t
even know it was there.
And it was weird, the hold it had on him was so strong, how
dazed and fatigued he felt in letting it go.
Still, if felt fucking great to let it go.
“Now, tell it true, are you hungry?” she pushed.
He looked at her beautiful face, her eyes warm on him, the
relief she also felt openly visible.
And he said, “I could eat my weight in schnitzel and I’m not
even bothering with bowls when we tackle that trifle.”
That was when Archie smiled.
Archie moved on him until Jagger was done watching
her move on him.
Then he curled up just enough to reach out and catch her by
the back of the neck.
He lay back, bringing her down with him, keeping his hand
curved around her neck as he stroked inside her mouth with his tongue, and she
stroked his cock with her cunt.
She got there before him, because that was her way, and
because he was in a constant state of sated considering how much cum she coaxed
out of him by any means necessary.
So when she came, he swallowed her noises. Then she got
focused and gave it to him, and she consumed his groan.
It had been slow.
It had been lazy.
And as usual, it had been awesome.
After, he curled his arms around her and she tucked her face
under his jaw, in his neck, but she did not lose his cock.
It was the morning after their big night.
She needed to get ready to go to the store.
He needed to run home to grab some stuff since he was
staying the weekend at her place.
He also needed to check on Mal.
Neither of them moved.
Eventually, biology took over, and they lost their
connection.
They still didn’t move.
But Jagger ended the silence.
“I think I’m going to Tack first. Outside of drawing Ma out,
getting her to talk about him more, which she’s been doing lately anyway, I
don’t know if I want her to know where my head’s been at. I don’t want her to
think she should have hidden her pain, which would have hidden how much she
loved him, and that was important for me and Dutch to know. I don’t want her to
regret anything.”
“I think that’s a good decision, honey,” she murmured.
“I’ll call him today.”
“Okay.”
“Gonna pack a bag, stay here with you for a while. Groovy?”
“One hundred percent.”
Good.
He needed her space, her smell, her shit around him.
They’d move in together at his place, eventually, mostly
because it was bigger.
When marriage and kids came, they’d find their own place.
But now, this was all her and he wanted nothing but that.
“I’ll text Mal, see if he wants a visit,” Jag carried on.
“But be back to take you out to lunch. You pick. Though I might have him, if he
wants to get away. If I do, it’s his pick.”
She snuggled closer and said, “Sounds like a plan.”
They both fell silent.
Archie’s phone ringing ended it.
She shifted, turned her head, reached out and nabbed her
phone, all without really moving, and definitely not losing any contact with
Jag.
“It’s Elijah,” she announced.
“You ready for that?” he asked.
She lifted her head and looked down at him. “Maybe the time
is nigh.”
Her phone stopped ringing.
“Do you agree?” she queried.
She needed Jagger to help her work through things.
And he was there to do that with her.
“I do,” he said. “It goes without saying, I’m about you. But
he was not down with losing contact with you. He didn’t go about it right, but
he was pretty messed up you weren’t available to him. And I don’t think that’s
about him needing you to deal with his shit however that comes. I think he
loves his sister. He might not show it, but he probably loves your dad. That
scene with that phone call at your dad’s house was serious, and he was on the
outside of that. His doing. But being shut out after he hurt you that bad
clearly ate at him.”
“Yeah, it clearly did that,” she agreed.
“I hate that it’s your job, but outside is where he put
himself, with you, your dad, Haley and the girls, and he needs someone to show
him the way in.”
“Yeah,” she muttered.
“But if you decide to do that, you should do it only when
you’re ready,” he added.
“Mm,” she hummed, looked to her phone, hit some buttons, and
when he heard it ringing, she put her finger to her lips.
He grinned at her.
Apparently, she was ready.
“Thanks for returning my call,” was her brother’s greeting.
“Please don’t make me regret it,” Archie replied.
A beat then, “What I did last night was messed up. It was
completely out of line.”
Even through the phone, it sounded like that was painful for
him to say.
Which gave Jag more insight into Elijah because the pride
was definitely strong with this one.
“It was,” Archie agreed.
“I’m sorry about that,” Elijah said tightly.
“Apology accepted.”
“I think…I need…to take some time…to take stock,” Elijah
admitted like he was being tortured for those words.
“Mm-hmm,” was all Archie gave him.
Elijah came to his end.
“Jesus, I just miss her, Arch,” he spat.
“I do too, Eli,” she said gently. “So does Dad. You can’t
think just because he has Haley that he doesn’t. He loved Mom. He’s just not
one of those guys who can be alone. He likes company. He likes taking care of
people. He’s loving and social. He’d be miserable if he spent his life all by
himself, honoring their marriage when half of that marriage is no longer of
this world.”
Elijah was quiet.
Archie kept going.
“You’ve hurt Haley. Also Hellen and Liane.”
“I—”
“You can’t deny it and you can’t excuse it. I’ve seen it,”
she cut in quickly. “She’s great. Those girls are great. We can never have Mom
back, but they aren’t chump change, Eli.”
“Like I said, I need to take stock,” Elijah reiterated.
“Right,” Archie said.
“And I can’t lose you while I’m doing it.”
There it was.
Archie locked eyes with him.
“Right,” she repeated, but this time it was softer.
“I don’t…all I can say is I’ll be working on it. All of it.
Just…give me some patience,” Elijah not-quite asked.
“I’m going to point out you’ve already had a lot of that,
Eli, but I’ll give you more because I love you, because you’re family and
because that’s what Mom would want me to do.”
Utter quiet from Elijah after that.
Archie moved on.
“I’m not managing this building without your help, Eli. So
you either pay me to manage it or you help.”
“You were right about all of that. I was just being a dick.
No clue why.”
Jagger had a clue.
Like Mal, or anyone who felt lost to their pain, Elijah
needed to be seen.
The thing was, in Elijah’s case, he’d been seen so much,
Archie, and probably Andy too, had put up with his shit so long, he was
addicted to it and he didn’t know how to operate any other way.
“Deduct what you need to deduct for me to pay you back and
for you to do what you have to do to keep things good,” Elijah went on. “I
can’t help right now, with school and work, I can’t add on. We’re preparing a
brief at work and I’m working eighty-hour weeks and still have to hit class and
study. I’m barely sleeping, and shit is intense.”
“You could have told me that, Eli.”
He sounded impatient when he replied, “I guess I’m not a
great communicator, Archie.”
“Trust me, take stock on that too, brother,” she advised.
“Not just for me, Dad, our family, but anyone in your life. You acting like an
asshole to get your way is going to get old real fast with people who are not
bound to you. You with me?”
“I’ll take stock.”
That sounded like it was gritted through his teeth.
Archie grinned at Jag.
And that was a little sister who liked to make her big
brother squirm.
Jag smiled back.
“Though, your big takeaway from this is that I love you,”
she said. “I’m done putting up with your shit, but I’ll never be done loving
you. You dig?”
“Dig?”
“You hardly need me to define that slang, bro.”
“You’re such a hippie,” Elijah muttered.
“I’m not a hippie. I’m not anything. Why do people need to
label? It’s gross.”
“Okay, I have thirty minutes to write a five-thousand-word
paper before I have to haul my ass back into the office, so I don’t have time
for this. Your takeaway is, I love you too. And you’ve been heard. It’s time I
try to be the son my mother raised.”
“Your father too,” Arch pushed.
It took a second before he said, “My father too.”
“All right, go get at that paper. Love you, bro.”
“Love you too, you goof.”
Hearing that, Jag let out a breath.
Archie also relaxed on top of him.
“Later,” she said into the phone.
“’Bye, Arch.”
They disconnected, she tossed her phone to the floor at the
side of the bed and smiled huge at him.
He gave her a squeeze. “Happy?”
“So happy, I’m give-my-guy-a-blowjob happy.”
For fuck’s sake.
“Baby, I just came not twenty minutes ago.”
“Bet I can make you come again.”
He wouldn’t take that bet because he’d bet she was right.
He also was never gonna stand in the way of a blowjob.
Twenty minutes later, she proved they were both right.