Chapter Nine – Caden #2
She must have taken that as a challenge, because she sucked harder and moved faster.
“Lilibeth! I’m gonna come!”
Not stopping her pace, she moaned—and I lost it. I came so fucking hard, I swore I saw stars. My legs shook, and I cried out in pleasure as I dug my hands into her hair.
When I finally got my senses back, I looked down to see Lilibeth resting on her heels, a smile on her face.
“I did it right, I take it?”
I grabbed her arms and pulled her off the floor. “You did it oh so fucking right.”
Her smile grew into a cocky grin, and my chest ached for something that I couldn’t allow myself to have.
“Can I just say, I almost gagged, but I pushed through, even though my eyes were watering.”
My head fell back as I laughed loudly. Leave it to Lilibeth to say something like that. When I focused back on her, she was making a face as she ran her tongue over her teeth.
“There’s a spare toothbrush in my bathroom, second drawer on the left. You go brush, I’ll finish up breakfast.”
I watched as she bounced out of the room before turning my attention back to the food.
And to my wayward thoughts about what this all meant.
I opened the back door and stomped the snow off my boots. The storm hadn’t let up at all during the day or night.
After our morning festivities in the kitchen, I forced myself not to touch Lilibeth again. I figured she was sore, and I didn’t want her to think all I wanted to do was pass the day away by fucking.
Instead, we’d watched movies all day, and I was thankful we hadn’t lost power.
We made tacos for dinner, working together this time, then found ourselves on the sofa again, watching another movie.
We both fell asleep in the living room, and I realized that I wouldn’t have changed a thing about the last twenty-four hours as I drifted off.
I woke up at four in the morning, made love to her on the sofa because I literally couldn’t stop myself, then carried her to my bed, where she quickly fell asleep again.
A couple hours later, I’d crept out of bed so I wouldn’t wake her up. I needed to get out and check on things; see if the ranch hands had gotten out on the plows. So there was no sense in not letting her get more rest.
Returning several hours later, I took off my coat, scarf, and gloves and headed into the kitchen. “Lilibeth?”
“In here!” she called from the living room.
I headed to the living room—and came to an abrupt halt. I ignored the way my heart felt like it tripped over itself at the sight before me. Lilibeth looked up from a book she was reading and smiled.
“I didn’t know you had a cat. The poor thing was at your back door, meowing to get in.”
What was it about her lounging on my sofa, a blanket over her lap, a book in her hand, and a gray and white cat lying on her legs that seemed so…perfect?
I grinned. “I don’t have a cat.”
Her eyes went wide. “This isn’t your cat?”
Laughing, I walked over and scratched the cat on the head. He…or she…was clearly friendly and didn’t look very old at all. Maybe just two months. “Never saw this cat before in my life.”
Lilibeth looked down at the animal, then back up to me. “Oh my gosh! The cat distribution system brought you a cat, Caden!”
“You mean it brought you a cat, Lilibeth?”
She smiled. “She’s at your house.”
I laughed again. “But she came while I was gone, therefore, she belongs to you. Finders keepers and all.”
“She was at your back door; the distribution system brought her to you.”
With a frown, I held up my hands. “Oh no. I don’t have time for a cat.”
“Caden, cats pretty much take care of themselves. All you have to do is feed her. You could even get her one of those timed feeders. The poor thing. She’s so young, and she was out in the storm.
” Now she held up the white-and-gray cat.
“Look at this face! You can’t put her back out in the cold, and this is clearly her home, so I can’t take her away from the ranch.
She has mice and birds and other creatures here to hunt. ”
“I’ve heard this crazy rumor that there are mice in the city,” I stated, sitting down on the sofa. The kitten immediately made her way to me.
“This is the only place she’s ever known. She can’t be very old—and look at that! She loves you already.”
I rolled my eyes, but picked her up and held her in front of me. She was cute, I couldn’t deny that. “She has a sweet face.” When Lilibeth didn’t say anything, I looked over at her. “What?”
A soft smile appeared. “You surprise me, that’s all.”
“Because I like cats?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “Because there’s this other side to you that I would’ve never guessed was there.”
I sighed. “I wasn’t always like this.”
“You mean you haven’t always been a grumpy-bug?”
I chuckled. “No, I haven’t.”
“I don’t want to push or anything, but do you want to talk about it?”
For a moment, I thought about fleeing. Saying something that would piss Lilibeth off so I could get away from the memories and the way she made me want to tell her everything.
But no. I wasn’t going to run. If this thing with Lilibeth was temporary, she at least deserved to know why.
And it honestly felt right to share with her.
“How much has my sister told you about Rachel?”
“Your ex? Not much. I don’t think she thought it was her story to tell.”
The cat made a few rounds in my lap, then settled in for a nap. Looked like she was ready for a story, too.
I sighed, dreading what I was about to say, but knowing I needed to say it.
“Rachel and I had been dating since high school before things ended a few years ago. I thought she was going to be the woman I married and had kids with. We dated for sixteen years; anytime I mentioned marriage, she’d put me off.
Say she wasn’t ready, we weren’t prepared for that step.
We were too young, or certain things had to happen before she could marry. ”
“Things? What kind of things?”
I let out a humorless laugh. “Apparently, anytime I ever spoke about the ranch, it went in one ear and out the other with Rachel. She thought the ranch brought in millions, and that once my grandfather…well, once he died, it would pass to me. But my two uncles are still very much a part of running the ranch. Something she should have known after so many years together.”
Lilibeth frowned. “She thought you’d come into a lot of money, then? But…it’s a working ranch with a ton of overhead. Why would she think that? How would you get this money?”
“By selling.”
Her eyes went wide. “She wanted you to sell the ranch?”
I exhaled. “Yes, and move out of River Falls, and live this whole glamorous life she’d dreamed up in her head.
I was her escape out of this town, and when she realized my plans weren’t the same as hers, and that I wouldn’t just inherit the whole place outright once Grandpa passed, she broke things off with me and left. ”
“Did you not share your plans with her?”
A bitter laugh slipped free. “All the fucking time. This ranch has been my life for as long as I can remember, ever since my grandfather first put me on his horse and rode me around with him. It’s in my blood. It’s the only thing I know to do, and it makes me happy.”
“And Rachel wanted you to give all of that up?”
I nodded. “For years, I gave her my whole heart. I waited until I thought we were ready. Hell, I had this very house built for us. When she took no interest in planning anything, I should have seen that as a warning sign. Looking back, I realize I always made excuses for her, that much I can see now.”
Looking over at Lilibeth, I was struck by how beautiful she was, and I wanted to stop talking about Rachel. Somehow, talking about her with this woman tainted the little time we had together. “I guess I use anger as a tool to keep people away.”
Her brows lifted. “It would work, if you didn’t let little glimpses of the real you slip free now and then.”
“I do that, huh?”
Lilibeth nodded as she whispered, “You do.”
Looking back at the cat, I said, “The first year after she left, I was just plain pissed off. I’d wasted so many years on a person who’d promised me forever, only to rip that future out from under me.
Once the anger faded, the pain came. Then the anger was back for letting her make me feel so damn sad.
I guess I just got used to being angry. I told myself I’d never allow anyone to ever have that kind of power over me again. ”
When I glanced at her again, I expected her to tell me that not all love is a power struggle, but she didn’t say a word.
“The last few years, I haven’t exactly been a saint. I’ve slept with women trying to push Rachel out of my head and heart. They all meant nothing, and truth be told, I always feel worse afterward. But I need you to know that with you, it’s been…different.”
A soft smile played across her face. “You don’t have to lie to me simply because you took my virginity, Caden.”
“I’m not lying. Like I told you last night, you, Lilibeth, scare the absolute shit out of me.”
Her brows shot up. “Me? Why?”
Licking my lips, I looked at the cat on my lap and lightly stroked her fur. “You make something in me feel alive again, and that scares me, because I’m not sure I’m brave enough to ever give anyone my heart again.”
She took my hand in hers. “I’m not asking for anything, Caden. The last couple of days have been amazing, and I knew before anything ever happened that you couldn’t give me your heart. You told me so yourself.”
I slowly shook my head. “I’ve never met anyone like you before, Lili. You make me want to give more, but I just don’t know how to love and trust again.”
With a soft squeeze, she leaned closer to me. “I’m sorry she broke your heart, Caden Wilde.”
“You’re not going to tell me that not all women are like Rachel, and I’m stupid for walling up my heart forever?”
“No,” she softly, said with a shake of her head. “The only thing I’ll ever tell you is that I’m so glad you were my first.”
A powerful feeling swept through me, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was.
Pride? No…it wasn’t that. Anger at the very idea of someone else touching Lilibeth?
Yeah, that was definitely part of it, but I couldn’t decipher what else I was feeling.
And it wasn’t fair to her that I wanted to keep her all to myself when I wasn’t able to give her all of me.
Leaning closer, I brushed my lips over hers. When I drew back, I searched her face as I said, “I wish I had met you first, Lili.”