Chapter Fourteen – Lilibeth
Lilibeth
After texting my parents and Caden to let them know I was home safely, I put some wood in the fireplace and got a roaring fire going. Stepping back to admire my handiwork, I placed my hands on my hips and nodded.
“That fire deserves a good book to help me get Caden Wilde off my mind.”
Today had been exhausting in both a good and a bad way.
I’d had so much fun spending Christmas with the Wildes, but trying not to look at Caden every other second was difficult.
Why did I have to feel the way I felt? It would make it so much easier for me if he was still an asshole.
And that smile. I closed my eyes and sighed.
“That smile.”
With a quick shake of my head, I walked away from the fire and toward the bathroom.
“It was a one-time thing, Lilibeth. You knew that, so now you have to let it go and move on. You got what you wanted.”
Staring at myself in the mirror, I let out a humorless laugh.
“Who are you kidding? You are so head over heels for that man. You have to snap out of it, girl! He doesn’t want a relationship.”
I pushed all thoughts of Caden out of my head as I washed my face and took my hair out of the ponytail.
I gathered it up and piled it on top of my head in a loose bun, then changed into my favorite Christmas pajamas.
An impulse buy, because I adored Moose. They were flannel, with little moose all over them, saying “Merry Moosemas.”
Maneuvering around my boxes, I walked over to the small stack of books I hadn’t packed yet and randomly picked two. The first was Lacey Black’s A Simple Request. The second was Make the Play by Kaylee Ryan.
Placing them both on the coffee table, I moved my finger back and forth. “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe…”
I picked up Make the Play and smiled. “You’re the lucky winner. We get to spend Christmas night together.”
Settling on the sofa, I covered up with a blanket, took a sip of my hot tea, and opened the book. Snuggling down into the cushion, I got ready to lose myself in a fictional world for a bit—but a sudden knock on my door had me pausing before I could begin.
“Who could that be?”
I reached for my phone and pulled up my doorbell camera app. My eyes went wide with surprise.
“What in the world is he doing here?”
I quickly pushed the blanket off me, set my book down, and went to answer the door. Once it was open, I tried to ignore the way my heart fluttered in my chest at the sight of him standing there.
“Caden. Is everything okay?”
He took one step, cupped my face in his hands, and moved us back into the house, kicking the door shut behind him. It didn’t take me long to completely melt against him as I got lost in a kiss that almost felt frantic, on both sides.
Drawing his head back, he looked into my eyes. “I had the fight of my fucking life to keep my hands off of you today.”
Smiling, I lifted my own hands and pushed his jacket off his shoulders, then onto the floor when he dropped his arms. “I felt the same.”
His hand returned to the side of my face, his thumb brushing softly over my lips. “I know I said just those two days were it…but I can’t stop thinking about you. Dreaming about you. I need you, Lili.”
My heart felt as if it did a quadruple spin in my chest at his words. I wasn’t going to think too long and hard about what they meant, though.
“My bedroom’s just down the hall, first door on the right.”
Before I had a chance to say anything else, Caden swept me off my feet and headed toward my room. Once inside, he gently put me down on the bed. He stood up, tossed his cowboy hat onto the chair in one corner, then pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor.
My eyes moved down his chiseled chest and stomach as heat bloomed in my body. I licked my lips, almost moaning when he unbuttoned his jeans and slowly pushed them down.
Once he was completely naked, he reached his hand out for mine. He drew me up, and ever so slowly began undressing me.
“I love these pajamas.” He grinned.
I felt my cheeks heat. “They’re my favorite reading pajamas in the winter because they’re so soft.”
He leaned down and kissed along my jawline, causing my entire body to shiver. “They are soft…but not as soft as your skin.”
My head dropped back as he moved his mouth down and captured a nipple, and sucked.
“Oh God,” I moaned, while a zap of pleasure shot from my nipple to between my legs. “Caden.” My hands pushed into his hair, drawing him even closer to me.
He soon had me completely undressed and on the bed, covering my body with his. I spread my legs and willed him to enter me. I could feel him at my entrance, teasing.
“Please don’t tease me.”
He leaned over the side of the bed and produced a condom. I watched as he rolled it down his impressive length, then settled between my legs once more. He moved his hand between my legs and pushed his fingers inside of me, moaning as he pumped a few times.
“You’re so wet already, Lili.”
“I want you, Caden. Now.”
That was all he seemed to need.
The moment he pushed inside of me, I felt the buildup. His lovemaking before had been slow and passionate; this time, it was filled with lust and need.
He buried his face in my neck and moaned my name as he moved inside me at a pace that was going to result in a release for both of us much sooner than I wanted.
“Lili… God, Lili, you’re so perfect. Baby, I’m not going to last long. Come for me.”
He slid his hands under my ass, lifting me at an angle that completely undid me. The orgasm swept over my body like an ocean swell. We cried out as we came together. When Caden slowed, he rested his forehead against mine while we caught our breath.
When Caden rolled off me and onto his back, I felt myself smile. “That was a nice Christmas surprise.”
He laughed and reached for my hand, lacing our fingers together. The act felt so intimate, even after we’d just had sex. Caden Wilde never ceased to surprise me, and for a brief moment, I let my heart soar with the possibility of—
I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed all of those thoughts away. I wasn’t going to read into anything. Caden had been feeling the same desire as me all day. We both wanted each other, and that didn’t change anything else.
Did it?
I turned my head to look at him. He was staring up at the ceiling, his chest moving a bit slower, but breaths still heavy.
“Caden.”
He met my gaze.
“This thing between us…I have to be honest with you…it’s confusing.”
He exhaled, letting out a long breath, before he looked back up at the ceiling. “I was being selfish tonight. I’m sorry.”
I squeezed his hand in mine. “You don’t have to say you’re sorry.
I wanted you as much as you wanted me. But I promised myself that I’d always be honest with you.
” Sitting up, I pulled the sheet around me and turned to face him.
“I’m guessing you want a friends-with-benefits thing…
and I don’t think I can do that.” I swallowed and slowly shook my head as I added, “No. I know I can’t do that. I’m so sorry.”
He reached for my hand once again. “I’m an asshole. I know.”
Smiling, I placed my free hand over his.
“You’re not. I could have easily said no, but like I said, I wanted you too.
And this thing between us is clearly passionate.
You’ll always have a special place in my heart because you…
you were my first. As cliché as that sounds.
But I don’t want my heart to get broken, and I know it will.
Because I’m going to want more, Caden, and you’ve been very honest and upfront that more is not something you can give. ”
Caden closed his eyes. “I want to, Lili. I’m just…”
His words faded away, and I could see the conflict on his face.
“I don’t want to lose this friendship we’ve found.”
He smiled that lazy, sexy smile of his. “I don’t want to lose it either, Lilibeth.”
“So…friends only?” I asked, ignoring the way my stomach pitched and rolled with the idea of never having Caden’s hands on me again.
He winked and smiled again, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
I knew what I was doing…and I knew this meant he’d keep meeting up with Millie, and maybe even others. The thought of that made me feel even more sick to my stomach.
Finally, he answered, “Friends only.”
Pushing the covers off himself, he swung his legs over the side of the bed. He sat for a few moments, then stood and began gathering his clothes. My eyes soaked in every bit of him so I could commit it to memory. I’d had him just a few short times, and I’d cherish every single moment.
I slid off the bed and grabbed my pajamas.
Neither of us said a word as we finished dressing and headed back to the living room.
Caden picked up his coat and walked to the door.
I followed him, and with each step, I had to remind myself this was the right thing to do, not only for my heart, but for both of ours.
Turning, he reached up and pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear.
My entire body ached as I silently wished he would tell me that I was what he wanted. That I was the woman he wanted, and not just in his bed.
Instead, he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. Not the lips…the cheek.
I was getting what I’d asked for.
Friendship.
“Merry Christmas, Lilibeth.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I forced a smile. “Merry Christmas, Caden.”
He opened the door and quickly slipped out, shutting it quietly behind him. The soft click sounded like a gunshot.
My hand shot up to my mouth to hold back the sob that threatened to come out. Turning, I leaned against the door and slowly sank to the floor. Then I buried my face in my hands and cried.
I knew I’d done the right thing. I was already losing my heart to Caden Wilde, and if I didn’t put a stop to it now, it would be shattered with disappointment.