Chapter Four – Ensley
Ensley
My heart was beating so loudly, I was positive Doug could hear it. He’d placed his hand on my lower back and guided me over to his truck. When he opened the passenger door, I practically threw myself into the cab.
Once Doug was in the truck with me, he started it, then glanced over. “Are you okay?”
I turned and looked at him. He had concern written all over his face.
Why, oh why, can’t I be in love with him? Why?
If I opened my mouth to speak, I was positive I would start crying, so I simply nodded.
“I know a place we can go. It’s low-key, but they have the best pizza and local beer.”
“Yes, beer. That sounds good.”
We drove to a little dive pizza place on the other side of town from the hotel. Neither of us spoke on the way there, which I was glad about. I needed a few minutes to gather my wits. First from seeing Colt—again—and then after the damn elevator stopping like that. I was legit about to freak out.
Once we got inside Lou’s Pizza, I was pleasantly surprised by how nice it was.
“I’ve never been here before.”
Doug chuckled. “Probably because it looks like a hole in the wall. This place is Granby’s best-kept secret. The tourists haven’t even stumbled on it, and the locals keep it pretty close to their chests.”
We slid into a booth, and a waitress was right there with two menus.
“What can I get you to drink?” she asked with a bright, friendly smile.
“Do you have whiskey?” I asked.
She laughed—then quickly said, “Oh, you’re serious.”
I nodded.
“Um, no, we just have beer.”
“I’ll take whatever’s your most popular craft beer.”
Doug smiled at the waitress. “I’ll have the same.”
“Sure thing. I’ll let you look at the menu while I go get these.”
Once she walked off, I sat back in the booth. The tightness in my chest had been present ever since I’d turned to see Colt in Jacob’s hospital room, and it hadn’t eased up at all.
“I have to ask again. Are you okay, Ensley?”
I could feel the damn tears pricking the back of my eyes. I swore I would never cry for Colt Owens again, but here I was, on the verge of doing just that.
Clearing my throat, I whispered, “Not really.”
“I take it you had no idea he’d be here.”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure why I thought he wouldn’t. It’s his father. I still wasn’t prepared to see him, though.” Glancing at the menu, I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out before asking, “So, what’s good here?”
“If you’re in the mood for pizza, the spelunker is my favorite. Their fettuccine alfredo is my favorite dish overall, though.”
My stomach was too upset for something heavy, even if the alfredo sounded amazing.
“As good as fettuccine sounds, I think my stomach needs something lighter.”
Doug went back to looking at the menu.
Our waitress returned with the beer and two waters.
“Are we ready to order?”
Doug looked at me, and I nodded. “I’m ready.”
“I’ll have the spelunker, small.”
“No changes?”
He flashed her a dazzling smile. “Nope, just as it comes.”
She winked at him, then looked at me. “What can I get you?”
“I’ll just have a house salad with the house dressing.”
“That’s all you want?” she asked.
Handing her the menu, I replied, “Yes, please. I’m not that hungry.”
Once she was gone, Doug reached across the table and took my hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Want to talk about it?”
I dropped my gaze to our hands. Why didn’t I feel anything? A spark. A tingling feeling. My stomach swooning at his touch?
There was nothing.
When I looked back up and our gazes met, I saw it in his eyes. The moment he realized I wasn’t over Colt.
A soft smile appeared on his handsome face. “I always knew you were still in love with him, Ensley. That he was the reason we broke up.”
I frowned.
“No, you never said that…but I knew. I remember how the two of you were together, and how you would look at one another. The crazy thing is, he still looks at you like that.”
I let out a bark of laughter. “I don’t think so.”
He let go of my hand and leaned back. “I think so. You didn’t see the daggers he was shooting at me when he realized I was there for you.”
When I didn’t say anything, he went on.
“Is he back for good?”
Shrugging, I replied, “I’m not sure. I haven’t spoken to him about anything.”
“Let me ask you something, Ensley.”
I held my breath as I tried to brace myself for whatever he was about to ask me.
“If Colt stays in River Falls, do you still want to go out with me?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
But even I could hear it in my voice. The answer was no.
Damn, you, Colt! Damn. You.
He raised his brows. “Because I saw the way you looked at him, too, sweetheart. You’re just as much in love with Colt Owens now as you were ten years ago.”
“Don’t be silly.”
“Am I? Being silly? Or am I just stating the obvious? You couldn’t commit to us before because of Colt—and don’t say he wasn’t the reason, because you’d be lying to yourself and to me.”
I closed my eyes and dropped my head back against the booth seat. “Fuck,” I whispered. “Why can’t I move on with my life? I’ve tried so hard to forget that asshole.”
Doug chuckled. “The heart wants what the heart wants.”
Lifting my head, I met his gaze. “I’m so sorry, Doug. I didn’t mean to lead you on again, and I really thought I was ready to move forward. I want to move forward. I want kids and a family.”
His eyes went wide. “Kids?”
I tilted my head. “You don’t want kids?”
“God, no!”
The weight pressing down on my chest lifted slightly. “Oh my gosh, you just made this so much easier for me.” I laughed slightly. “Thank you.”
He looked confused. “I did?”
“I want kids. Desperately. I was even thinking about IVF. So if you don’t want kids, then we clearly weren’t meant to be.”
It was his turn to laugh. “So now you can say we didn’t work because you want kids and I don’t. Nothing to do with Colt Owens.”
When he winked, I smiled. “That’s exactly right!”
“So, back to this IVF. Are you being serious? You’d want to have a baby without a father?”
A sudden wave of sadness washed over me, despite my immediate reply. “I am being serious. Are you saying I shouldn’t do it unless there’s a man in the picture?”
He rolled his eyes. “You know I’m not saying that, Ensley. If anyone can do it, it would be you. You’re the strongest, most intelligent woman I know.”
Again, why no feelings for this man?
“But you have to explain this to me. Why the rush?”
“The rush?” I replied. “I’m thirty years old, Doug.
My clock is slowly ticking away, and a family is something I’ve always longed for.
My sister is married and has kids. Now Caden.
At the rate I’m going, Gatlin will be married and having a kid before me.
It’s not fair, and I’ve wasted so much time on… ”
“Colt?”
I sighed. “Yes. If I’m honest. It’s pretty damn clear that I can’t move past him, which really pisses me off.” I shrugged a shoulder. “If I can’t have the marriage, I’ll have the kids.”
“And you think that will fill the void in your heart?”
My eyes widened. “Holy shit, Doug. Way to hit the bullseye.”
He held up his hands and shook his head. “I’m not trying to hurt you. I care about you. I want to see you happy, and if having a child will do it, I’ll support you—as a friend—one-hundred percent.”
A warmth spread through my chest, and I reached out and took his hand. “I really, really wish things had worked out between us. I care about you, too, Doug. If it’s worth anything, you were the only man whom I truly thought could get me over Colt.”
He smiled. “Life has a funny way of working out the way it should. Maybe things didn’t work out between us because fate knew Colt would be coming back to River Falls.”
I shook my head. “No matter how much I still love him, I don’t think I can forgive him for what he did to me.”
“Never say never, Ensley.”
I sighed. “Let’s change the subject, please. Tell me what’s going on in your life.”
We talked easily over dinner, and Doug even had me forgetting about Colt for a short time. I’d forgotten how easy it was to talk to Doug. He was going to make some lucky woman very happy one day.
“How about we head to a bar and get you that whiskey?”
“That sounds amazing.”
Doug brought me to a new bar in Granby called The County Line. It was a country western bar, and at night, they had a live band. Even on the weekdays.
We found a small table tucked into a back corner. I’d already had two shots and was working on my second beer. I could feel the buzz coming on.
“Ensley, I have a crazy idea.”
I smiled. “Those are my favorite kinds of ideas.”
He chuckled. “I was thinking about how Colt looked at me when I showed up at the hotel. Do you wanna make him think we’re a couple?”
My brows drew down. “Why would we do that?”
Doug shrugged. “Maybe make him a bit jealous.”
I laughed. “Please. I highly doubt he’d even be fazed.
Thank you for offering, but I don’t like to play games like that.
I’ll be fine. Everything will be fine. Besides, I’m sure he’s only here for his dad, and once Jacob’s out of the hospital and back home, he’ll slink off to whatever rock he crawled out from under. ”
Nodding, he said, “Okay, but if you ever change your mind, I’m your guy.”
I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Doug. What you can do for me tonight is make sure I get back to my hotel safely, because I really want to just drown my sorrows in booze.”
He winked. “Like I said, I’m your guy.”
My head hitting something hard made me cry out in pain.
“Shit! Sorry, Ensley,” Doug said, as he attempted to get me into my hotel room.
“S’okay. Can’t feel a thing!”
“That’s not what your piercing scream just indicated.”
I giggled. “I’m drunk.”
Doug carried me over to the bed and set me down.
“You sure are. I have a feeling it’s not going to make you feel better, though, and come tomorrow morning, you’re gonna be cursing me for letting you have all those shots.”
I waved him off as I struggled to get under the covers. “I won’t blame yous, I promises.”
He shook his head. “You sound like a five-year-old.”
Once I was finally under the blankets, I patted the bed. “Wanna lie down?”
Doug took a step back. “No, I think it’s probably best if I head on out. I’ve still got to drive back to River Falls.”
I was fighting to keep my eyes open. “Are you okay? Yous can sweeps here if it’s too late.”
“Sweeps?”
“Sleeeeep!” I said, trying to pop the p but failing.
“As much as that sounds like fun, I’m going to pass.” He bent down and kissed me on the forehead. “Get some sleep. Do you need the trashcan by the bed?”
My eyes popped open. “S’cuse me? Do you think I can’t handle my alcohols?”
His mouth twitched. “Of course not, I know you can. I was just being cautious, that’s all.”
I attempted to wave off his concern, but really just flailed my arm in the air, almost smacking Doug. “Nah. I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll plug your phone in and put it next to you on the nightstand, okay?”
I mumbled something that I thought sounded like “okay.” I could feel myself drifting off to sleep.
“I’ll call you tomorrow.”
I heard the sound of the hotel door opening, and I yelled out, “Just stay the night, Doug!”
Then I heard…voices. Was that another guy talking? Who was Doug talking to? I tried to lift my head to see, but I was so tired. And when I tried to open my eyes, the room spun. It was easier to keep them shut.
I tried to focus on what was being said, but the voices sounded so distant…
Giving up the battle, I let sleep take over. I’d ask Doug tomorrow who he was talking to. For now, all I wanted to do was drift off into nothing but darkness.
My body had always had an internal clock. It woke up every single morning at six on the dot, no matter what day it was.
Or how hungover I was.
When I opened my eyes, I moaned. The headache was instant. I reached for the side table to find my phone. Turning my head, I looked at the screen.
“Even hungover, you never fail me,” I whispered, as I saw it was exactly six in the morning.
I dropped the phone back to the table, groaned at the noise it made, and rolled over onto my back. My mouth felt like it had cotton stuffed into every inch, and my stomach instantly protested when I slowly sat up.
“Oh, God,” I whispered, placing a hand over my mouth. I was about to be sick.
Jumping up, I ran into the bathroom and made it just in time.
I dropped to my knees and threw up. By the time I was done, I was spent.
Curling up into a ball, I pressed my cheek against the cold floor.
Then I remembered I was at a hotel, and that was totally gross, so I slowly pushed myself up.
I’d just have to believe that they had mopped and disinfected the floor right before I came.
Yes, that’s what they did, I mentally told myself over and over.
After hauling myself up, I turned on the shower and stripped out of my clothes before stepping in. I let the hot water run over my body until I started to feel a little more alive.
“I’m never drinking again,” I whispered to the water. “Never. Again.”
An hour later, I nearly felt like myself. I stood in front of the mirror and gave myself a pep talk. I was relieved to see that at least I didn’t look like I had a hangover. The hot water had done wonders, as did the black coffee I’d made from the little coffee machine in the room.
“It doesn’t matter if Colt is at the hospital today. You will go and visit Jacob and be there for him and Lynn. You’ll just ignore Colt.” I smiled. “Yes, that’s what you’ll do. You’ll ignore him. That’s something you’re good at.”
Turning away from my image in the mirror, I grabbed my Kindle and laptop and threw them into my purse. One deep breath for good measure before I headed out to the elevator.
Hitting the down button, I whispered, “You’ve got this, Ensley.”
When the door opened, and I saw Colt standing in the elevator, I nearly turned and walked away. Instead, I lifted my chin and stepped in. Turning, I hit the lobby button even though it was already lit, then prayed for the fastest elevator ride of my life.
Instead, a screeching sound filled the elevator—and once again it came to an abrupt halt.
I squeezed my eyes shut and wondered what in the hell I had ever done to deserve this punishment.
When I opened my eyes, I felt it coming on. It started with the heavy weight on my chest, then the struggle to breathe.
“Oh no,” I whispered, as my chest tightened more and more. Then the feeling of air being ripped from my lungs had me gasping.