Chapter Six – Ensley #2
When he looked back at me, I tried like hell to ignore the way my heartbeat sped up. Or how my body reacted to that stupid smile still. It used to melt me on the spot, and if I wasn’t careful, it would again.
Quickly pulling my gaze away from Colt, I stood. “I guess we should get back to the hospital.”
“Pip, can you wait just one second?”
I slowly sat back down. Colt’s eyes turned darker as he met my gaze. “I need you to know something.”
Drawing in a deep breath, I held it. I had no idea what he was about to tell me…but something told me I didn’t want to know.
“I meant what I said earlier. I never stopped loving you, Ensley. Every time I tried to move on with someone, all I could see when I looked at them was you.”
I wasn’t about to admit to him I felt the same way.
I lifted my chin. “Is that supposed to make me feel good? To know that you…what? Just closed your eyes while you fucked them and pretended it was me?”
Colt glanced around to see if anyone was listening, then looked back at me. “Really, Ensley?”
Leaning forward, I lowered my voice. “Really, Colt. You say you still love me, but I call bullshit, because I’ve seen what real love is—with my parents, with yours, with my siblings and their partners…
hell, with all my old friends, who’ve all pretty much gotten married and had kids.
And here I am, still single because I gave my heart to a bastard who left me heartbroken.
So you’ll have to forgive me when I insist you couldn’t have loved me, Colt.
You couldn’t have, because a person who loves someone doesn’t leave them alone and hurting.
Confused and wondering for years what the hell they did to push you away. ”
“You didn’t do anything, Pip.”
“Stop!” I cried out, then quickly squeezed my eyes shut and lowered my voice again. “Stop calling me that.”
When I opened my eyes, Colt had tears in his—and it felt like I’d just run into a brick wall.
I shook my head and stood. “I can’t do this.”
I could hear Colt rushing to get everything, and I pushed the door open and drew in a deep breath of fresh air.
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Turning to look at him, I asked, “What did you think would happen, Colt? You’ve been gone for ten years, and you suddenly show back up and I’m supposed to just welcome you with open arms?”
“Of course, I don’t think that. But I’d hoped that you would at least talk to me. Let me try to explain why I left.”
“You couldn’t do that ten years ago? Or anytime in between? Just call me and say, I don’t know…like maybe, ‘Hey, Ensley, I’m having a really hard time here, and I think I need some time away.’”
“No! Because you needed me, and my parents needed me, and it was my fault Grady killed himself. I wasn’t thinking clearly, Ensley!”
I took a step back. I’d never heard Colt raise his voice. Ever. “What do you mean, it was your fault? It wasn’t anyone’s fault, Colt.”
He closed his eyes and let out a long breath.
When he opened them again, he glanced around.
“This isn’t the place for this conversation.
Once my father is settled back at home, I would really like a chance to sit and talk to you, but…
if I had stayed, I wouldn’t have been able to deal with the guilt.
Knowing I was the reason he…” Colt closed his eyes again.
Every part of me wanted to tell him no. That the time for talking was long gone. But the sadness in his eyes when he opened them again caused me to nod and whisper, “Okay.”
A look of relief washed over his face. “Thank you.” He sighed and held up the bag in his hand. “I should get this food to my folks.”
I nodded once again and turned to start walking back to the hospital. Neither one of us said a word; we simply walked side by side until we reached Jacob’s room. Once inside, Lynn started to bombard us with questions.
“How was lunch?”
“It was good,” Colt said, as he handed the food to his mother and father.
“Did you get to talk?” she asked with a smile.
Colt and I exchanged a quick look, neither of us answering, before I turned and walked over to the love seat to sit down.
“Do you know when exactly you’ll be cut free, Dad?” Colt asked, pulling a chair closer to the side of the bed. I felt bad that we’d both ignored Lynn, but she really needed to just let this go.
“Some time tomorrow. Probably more like early afternoon.”
“Is there anything you need to have at the house before you get home?” I asked.
Lynn smiled at me. “That’s so sweet of you, Ensley. I was going to have Colt stop at the store on the way home, but if you don’t mind, sweetheart, I’ll give you the list.”
“I don’t mind at all. I was going to head back to River Falls this evening, so I can swing by the store and get everything. Do you need any laundry or anything done while I’m there?”
Lynn looked at Colt, then back to me. “If you wouldn’t mind putting fresh sheets on Colt’s bed, that would be amazing.”
The last thing I wanted to do was set one foot into his bedroom. The memories would assault me within seconds. I forced a smile. “I don’t mind at all.”
The next thing I knew, Lynn was making a list—on paper, because she refused to do anything like that on her phone.
“You know where all the sheets are. I have them all marked in the little cases you bought for me that one Christmas. The ones for Colt’s bedroom have his name on them.”
I snuck a quick look over at Colt. He looked down at the floor, and I knew he was feeling guilty for not visiting his family for ten years. Good. He should feel guilty.
“Jacob, is there anything you need me to do?”
He shook his head. “Ryan has been taking care of the horses for us, so he should have all of that taken care of. I let him know I’d be coming home tomorrow. If you wouldn’t mind running by his place, though, if you don’t see him at the barn? Just to make sure he doesn’t need anything.”
Wearing a confused expression, Colt asked, “Ryan?”
“Ryan Muster. We hired him a few months back to help your father around the ranch. He’s really good with horses and has been a huge help.”
Lynn flinched after speaking. Her words were a direct hit at Colt, even though we all knew she hadn’t meant them that way. He raised his hand and rubbed the back of his neck.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t mean it like that.”
Colt smiled at his mother. “You’re fine, Mom. You’re only speaking the truth.”
Ryan Muster was a twenty-two-year-old from Boise, Idaho, who was more of a flirt than my brother Gatlin, and that was saying something. He was handsome as all get out, and he knew it. I’d lost track of how many times he’d asked me out.
Clearing my throat, I said, “I think I’ll go ahead and head back to River Falls.”
Lynn approached me and wrapped me up in her arms. “Thank you so much for everything, Ensley. I couldn’t have done this without you.”
I squeezed her back. “You know you’re both like my second parents,” I said, as I drew back and smiled at her. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you and Jacob.”
She grinned and nodded her head. “I know.”
Stepping back, I walked to the other side of the bed, opposite Colt. Leaning down, I kissed Jacob on the cheek. “I’m so glad you’re feeling better and going home tomorrow.”
He gently patted my hand. “So am I. Thank you so much for being here, Ensley.”
Tears pricked the back of my eyes as I thought about how this could have been a totally different outcome. Thank God it wasn’t.
“Love you, and rest up. Don’t worry about home. Everything will get taken care of now that Colt is home.”
I could feel Colt’s intense stare but refused to look at him.
When I stepped back, I cleared my throat. “Okay, I’ll see you in River Falls.”
Colt stood. “I’ll walk you out.”
“You don’t have to do that. Stay here with your parents. I know how to get to the elevator.”
He frowned slightly, but sat down.
I quickly turned and headed out of the room. My heart thundered in my chest, and I felt like another freaking panic attack was about to come on. I decided at the last minute to turn left, pushed the door open to the stairs, and rushed down them as fast as I could.
I needed to get back to River Falls right now.
And away from Colt.
Actually, what I needed was my mother.