Chapter Eight – Ensley #3
I laughed. “Yes. You.”
“No. I’ve never met anyone I thought I might want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m not sure I’ll ever get married.”
Surprised, I asked, “Why not?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, I’m not against getting married, but there isn’t a single person in River Falls whom I could see myself with.” He looked at me. “I always imagined when I met the right person, I’d be able to feel it.”
I smiled. “You will.”
“What’s it like to fall in love?”
I blew out a breath. “Oh, man. I’ve only done it once, obviously. I don’t think I really fell in love with Colt until maybe a year into dating. I loved him, I think, but I didn’t really understand what love was at first, since I was pretty young. It’s both thrilling and a bit scary.”
“Scary. Why?”
A soft laughed slipped free. “Well…you probably remember how I fell apart after Colt left.”
“I do. You spent days in Mom and Dad’s bedroom. I can remember hearing you cry. Then that shit happened with Caden and Rachel and that was traumatic. Maybe deep down, I’m just afraid to fall in love and get hurt after all that.”
I nodded. “I think that’s fair.”
“Has he told you why he left?”
We stopped walking. “He wants to, but I haven’t given him the chance.”
“Why not?”
Shrugging, I said, “Maybe I’m afraid he had a legitimate reason. And that I won’t hate him for leaving me anymore.”
“Do you want to hate him?”
My eyes lifted to meet my brother’s. “I don’t know.
Seeing him has brought back all these memories and feelings I’ve worked so hard to bury for the last ten years.
Being near him makes my body feel so alive, though.
” I smiled and kicked at a rock. “I guess that’s love.
It’s an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs.
You wouldn’t know it by looking at our parents, but I can remember a time or two when I heard them fighting. ”
“Not often, but I remember, too. They always made up fast…and I overheard that a time or two, as well.”
He shuddered, and I laughed. “I’m glad my room wasn’t above theirs.”
“As you should be.”
I reached for his hand. “Don’t be afraid to fall in love, Gatlin. For all the heartache Colt put me through, the two years we were together were the happiest of my life. I felt…whole when I was with him. When he left, he took a piece of my heart with him.”
“I think he left a piece of himself here with you, Ensley. You don’t see the way he looks at you, but I did that day in his father’s office. He’s still in love with you.”
I blinked back tears. “I think that’s the hardest part of falling in love. You give your heart and soul to someone in hopes that they’ll take care of them and not hurt you. But, sometimes they do…and you have to decide whether or not you want to risk letting them do it again.”
He squeezed my hand. “But love can also heal a broken heart. Maybe even by the same person who broke it.”
Pressing my lips together tightly, I nodded. “I guess so.”
Gatlin looked out over the pasture. “I like my life, I really do. I have no stress or worries. I like being single and not tied down to one person, but I can admit there are times when I want more. It’s hard not to when you look at our parents, as well as Caden and Emeline.”
“I was thinking of IVF.”
I wasn’t sure why I blurted it out, but there it was.
“A baby on your own?”
“You don’t think I should?”
He laughed. “Oh hell, if anyone would make a great single mom, it would be you, Ensley. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, and I’m not saying that just because you’re my sister.
You’ve never been afraid to try anything.
You’ve never let people put you in a box.
Maybe that’s why I can’t find anyone to love…
because I compare every woman to the four most important ones in my life. ”
“Four?” I asked.
“Grams, Mom, you, and Emeline.”
I stretched up and kissed him on the cheek. “Gatlin Wilde, someday you are going to make one woman a very lucky lady. You make everyone think you’re this crazy guy without a care in the world, but today, you’ve shown me a side that I’ve never seen before.”
He winked. “A good side?”
“A very good side.”
“Well…we’ve established I’m not an expert when it comes to love or relationships, but I really think you should let Colt tell you why he left. Maybe it’s the closure you need, or the balm to heal your broken heart. I don’t think you can move on until you do, Ensley.”
The same advice I got from Mom and Dad. I felt a tear slip free, and my baby brother reached up and wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.
“I love you, Gatlin.”
He drew me in and hugged me. “Not as much as I love you, even though you left me up here to die when we were kids.”
We both laughed as we held on to each other. I wasn’t sure how long we stood there, but by the time we climbed onto our horses and headed back down the trail, I’d made a decision. I would reach out to Colt…and let him explain why he left.
Now to just ignore the dread I felt in my chest at finally getting the answers I’d longed for.