Chapter Ten – Ensley
Ensley
My head was spinning as I watched Colt walk away from us. Whirling on my sister, I demanded, “Why didn’t you tell me it was Colt who’d bought all those saddles?”
“He asked me not to tell anyone. Probably because he didn’t want what just happened to happen.”
I folded my arms across my chest. “What just happened?”
“You accused him of being here to win favors with our family.”
I huffed.
“Listen, I get why you feel the way you do, Ensley, but have you spoken to him about why he left in the first place?”
Even though I’d already decided to talk to Colt, I still said, “It’s not going to change anything.”
My younger sister sighed. “Then maybe it’s time to let it go, if you’re not willing to let him explain.”
“Why are you taking his side?”
Emeline closed her eyes for a moment before looking at me. “I’m not taking anyone’s side. But this isn’t healthy for you, Ensley. Didn’t you say the exact same thing to Caden? If you don’t want Colt in your life, then you need to just move on. I mean, it’s clear you no longer like the guy.”
I swallowed hard. “That’s not true.”
Her brows shot up. “Really? Cause from where I’m standing, you sure act like you hate his guts. The way you just spoke to him was utterly rude. I just don’t understand. If you don’t want him, let him go. Then maybe you can both move on.”
I stood there staring at my sister, my mouth hanging open. I knew she was right, but when had my baby sister become so…blunt?
No, she was simply being truthful.
“I can’t.”
A confused expression crossed her face. “You can’t what?”
My mouth quivered. “Let him go. I still love him.”
Emeline glanced around, then took my hand and guided us out of the room and into a small office right outside the main room in the event center.
Once the door was shut, she turned to me. “Talk to me, Ensley.”
I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I can’t talk to him, because even though I thought I wanted to know why he left, I’m terrified to actually hear his reasons.”
She frowned. “That makes no sense at all.”
Tossing my hands up in the air, I said, “I know! Trust me, I know. Nothing in my life has made sense, Emeline. I’ve felt so lost for so long, I’m not even sure I know how to…”
Taking my hand in hers, she asked, “Know how to what?”
I shrugged. “Find myself again? I thought my life would be so different from what it is. All I wanted was to get married and have kids, and oh my God, I sound like a broken record. I keep telling people this, but I’m standing in my own way. Believe me, I realize that.”
“You can still marry and have kids, Ensley You’re only thirty!”
Shaking my head, I whispered, “It’s hard when I’m still in love with Colt. I’m terrified of what he’s going to say. What if I’m the reason they both…”
“Oh, honey.” My younger sister wrapped me in her arms and held me while I let the floodgates open.
When I finally managed to get myself under control, I stepped back. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. This isn’t like me! I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I’m a self-pitying asshole.”
Emeline let out a soft laugh. “You are not. I’m sure having Colt come back home has brought up a plethora of emotions. He hurt you, Ensley, and you’re allowed to be upset about it, but you have to talk to him to move on. That’s more than clear.”
I drew in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Thank you for letting me get that out. Seeing him tonight, looking so damn hot in that tux, and then hearing what he did for the summer camps, and everything he’s done to help his mother and father…why does he have to be so nice?”
“Well, he did skip town, leaving nothing but a stupid note, totally breaking your heart and keeping you from moving on for ten years. Don’t forget that part.”
Tilting my head slowly, I replied, “Thank you for that lovely reminder, sis.”
She shrugged. “Just speaking the truth.”
I rolled my eyes. “I need a mirror to fix myself before I go back out there. The last thing I want to do is let him know I’ve been crying over him.”
“You will talk to him, though?”
Blowing out a breath, I nodded. “I’d already decided to talk to him after getting the same lecture from Mom, Dad, and Gatlin. I need to learn to rein in the anger first. I wish I just hated him. I mean, I do hate him, but I don’t hate him. If that makes sense.”
She smiled softly. “It makes sense. Are you okay to go back out or should I make an excuse?”
I chewed on my lower lip for a few moments before I asked, “Do I look like I’ve been crying?”
Emeline screwed up her face. “Yeah, you do. Your eyes are bloodshot, and you know how the tip of your nose always gets red when you’re upset? Well, you look like Rudolph.”
My hand instantly went to my nose.
“Let me tell everyone you got a headache.”
I quickly reached for her hand. “Then it will seem like I left because of Colt.” I shook my head. “No, I’ll be okay. I just need a few minutes and a bathroom to look at myself, and I’ll be fine.”
Less than a minute later, I was dropped off at the bathroom while Emeline returned to the charity dinner. I wouldn’t be missed, but she would. After all, this dinner was to benefit the summer camp she ran for underprivileged kids and, of course, the orphanage’s Christmas event in town.
Leaning in, I stared at myself. “Get your shit together, Ensley Wilde. You are not going to cry over Colt Owens again. Never. Again. You’re stronger than this.”
My finger went to my nose, which was a bit red. “Damn it,” I whispered, as I used my hands to fan myself and willed the color to go away. When I finally felt like I was back in control, I stood up tall, squared my shoulders, and gave my reflection a nod.
Turning on my heel, I walked to the bathroom door, yanked it open, and stepped into the hall—only to walk straight into what felt like a brick wall.
“Whoa, are you okay?”
My entire body tingled as two strong hands took hold of my arms.
I slowly lifted my gaze…and met Colt’s.
“I’m fine. Sorry about that.” I tried to move around him, but he held me in place.
“You’ve been crying.”
Letting out a gruff laugh, I stepped back. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
His eyes searched my face. “Your nose is red.”
My eyes closed, and I cursed under my breath. When I opened them again, I struggled to take a breath. Colt was looking at me with such tenderness and love.
Damn him!
Before I could say anything, he asked, “Do you want me to leave?”
Confused, I slowly shook my head. “What?”
“If my being here is making you upset, Pi— Ensley, I can leave.”
I felt something warm fill my chest. “No, I don’t want you to leave. You have just as much of a right to be here as I do. I just…it’s been an emotional time.”
He nodded. “Are you free for lunch tomorrow?”
This is it. This is the chance to find out why he left.
I felt myself chewing on my lower lip and quickly stopped. When words failed me, the only thing I could do was nod my head.
“I can swing by the ranch and pick you up, or we could meet somewhere. Maybe Granby, so people don’t start talking here in River Falls. I’m guessing the Daily Dirt is still a thing.”
A small laugh slipped free. “Yeah, it’s a thing still. I’ve been able to largely avoid it, so Granby might be the best option.”
Colt rolled his eyes but smiled, as well. “So, do you want me to pick you up or meet somewhere?”
“I’ll meet you at Bonnie’s Bake House.”
A wide grin appeared on his face. “That place is still open?”
I smiled. “It is.”
“Want to say around noon?”
I looked into his eyes…and realized that if I stared for too long, I could easily get lost. “Noon sounds good.”
We stood there for a few moments, neither of us saying a word, before Colt asked, “You’re sure you’re okay?”
Smiling, I replied, “I’m fine.”
He cleared his throat. “They’re about to serve dinner, so…”
“Right. Yes. I’ll let you go so you can use the restroom, or do whatever it was you were going to do in the bathroom. I mean, I know what you’re going to do, but you might need more time to do…um…whatever it is you’re gonna do.”
Another smile grew across that handsome face.
Oh. My. God. What is wrong with me?
I waited for the floor to open up and swallow me.
Taking a step to the side, I pointed in the direction I needed to go. “I’m just going to go now.”
Colt nodded. “I’m just gonna go pee.”
A nervous bubble of laughter slipped free, and before I could do or say anything else, I fled as fast as I possibly could in my high heels.
By the time I made it back to our family’s table, I was out of breath from walking so fast. I slipped into my seat and reached for my napkin, placing it across my lap before grabbing my water and nearly downing the whole thing.
Gatlin leaned in and whispered, “Are you okay?”
“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” I asked with a forced smile, as the waitress set down our salads.
“Your nose is red and your hands are shaking.”
I whipped my head up to look at my brother. “My nose is not red and my hands…” I held them up to get a look. “Are, in fact, shaking.”
Dropping them back to my lap, I drew in a deep breath.
“Do you want me to go kick his ass? I think he’s in the bathroom. No one will hear his screams. Especially if I flush a lot.”
It took everything I had not to start laughing. Instead, I said, “No, but keep the offer open for future need.”
He winked. “Will do.”
Smiling, I bumped him with my arm. “I love you.”
“Not nearly as much as I love you, sis. But honestly, are you okay?”
“Yes,” I said, as I took his hand in mine and gave it a light squeeze. “At least, I will be. I’m meeting Colt for lunch tomorrow to talk.”
“Want me to come with you?”
I chuckled. “I think I’ll be all right.”
When I looked across the large round table, I caught Emeline’s gaze. I smiled, and she returned the gesture.
“Aunt Ensley?” Katie said, tapping my arm.
“Yes, sweet girl?”
“Can you teach me about horses?”
A feeling I’d never experienced before hit me right in the middle of my chest. “Me? You don’t want Emeline to do that?”