Chapter 14
Asher
Morning light bled through the curtains covering the window across the room from me, casting weak, pale rays along the living room floor.
They weren’t the warm, golden glow I was used to seeing down in Texas while walking Pelly out of her stall in the morning. These were dull, barely cutting through the heavy quiet that had settled over the house.
Ironically, mimicking my mood.
My back ached. A sharp, insistent stiffness that spread between my shoulder blades from where I’d ended up slumping over the couch waiting for Grey to drag his sorry ass back from the bar.
Somehow, I’d managed to twist myself into a position even worse than the last time we’d been forced to share a bed, when I’d woken up half tucked into the mattress with my spine bent at an angle that defied human anatomy.
I sat up slowly, wincing as my body gave a protesting twinge, and reached around blindly for my phone. My fingers brushed against fabric and cushions until I finally found it wedged between two of them and held it up to check the time.
8:34 a.m.
I exhaled sharply, unlocking the screen, hoping—stupidly—to see a message saying my brother was on his way back, and another text confirming he’d made it home and hadn’t had the heart to wake me after seeing me sleeping on the couch so peacefully.
What I found instead was a different message entirely.
Met someone. Heading over to their place for the night. See you tomorrow.
The frustration I’d tried to sleep off came roaring back hot and instant, burning through my already-thin patience.
This was supposed to be a vacation, a chance to see each other and spend time as a family for once after an entire year of being states away.
Wasn’t that worth something to him?
Didn’t he miss me at all?
Even a little bit?
I was his twin for god’s sake. We’d come into this world together and had been attached at the hip for our first eighteen years of life. We were inseparable in ways that made most people roll their eyes at us while joking about how we shared one singular brain cell.
Our lives had gone in different directions by the time we both became legal, sure, but that wasn’t supposed to mean anything. It wasn’t supposed to be a goddamn omen for what our futures held.
I clenched my jaw, fingers tightening around my phone as I shoved myself off the couch.
Fine.
Whatever.
If he wanted to waste his time chasing strangers in order to get some ass instead of spending it with his family for the rest of the few days we were still in the same state, then I wasn’t going to sit around waiting for him like some idiot.
I needed to keep my hands busy. Put my energy somewhere else that wasn’t me sitting on this damn couch while stewing in my own frustration.
Cleaning.
Cleaning would help.
That was what I did on the ranch when I got pissed off. A rare occurrence, but when it did happen, I’d found a way to channel it into something productive that gave me control over the one thing that wouldn’t let me down.
So, I stalked into the kitchen with a mission.
Because if I couldn’t fix whatever the hell was going on with Grey and I, at least I could make the countertops sparkle.
Gage would be happy to come home to a spotless house after having to deal with the stress of Xavier’s injuries, and compared to mucking stalls, this was easy work. Scrubbing countertops, wiping down surfaces, vacuuming—none of it required much thought, and that was exactly what I needed right now.
I had no idea how much time passed in between getting through the kitchen and dining room, but by the time I reached the living room, I was fully in the groove.
My body moved on autopilot, my hands busy while my focus narrowed in on the repetitive motions.
There was something about the monotony that helped me ease from anger to an emotion a little less volatile. The simple act of putting things in order, clearing away the mess, freshening up the place, made me feel better about slowly releasing the tension coiled tight in my chest.
This wasn’t a perfect solution by any means, or some magical fix that made everything better. It sure as hell didn’t erase the sting of being ditched by my brother, especially without what seemed like any thought behind his actions.
But it did clear my head.
Enough to make space for another thought entirely: maybe... this was how things were going to be from now on.
Maybe I needed to suck it up and accept that.
We were adults now, both with lives that stretched far beyond the small, insular world we’d grown up in. States away and with jobs that demanded most of our time we usually devoted to each other. It was only fair to assume our priorities would shift, pulling us into different directions entirely.
Gone were the days of wanting to spend all day together. Now, we were going to be lucky if we saw each other once or twice a year, and even when we did, it wasn’t like we would spend every second of it attached at the hip like usual.
The realization settled deep in my chest. A strange and hollow ache forming alongside it.
It made me kind of sad, honestly. Reality was such a bittersweet pill to swallow.
Gage would probably tell me this was the nature of getting older—how it was perfectly normal for relationships to change, shift and evolve, no matter how much we wanted to hold onto them. Preserve them in their past state, immortalize the times that held the dearest memories.
People drifted. They moved on, found new priorities, carved out spaces that didn’t always have room for the people who once fit perfectly in them. It wasn’t about love, and maybe it wasn’t even about Grey at all—or Gage for that matter.
It was just... life.
And now it was up to me to figure out how I wanted to go about navigating this new stage, how I wanted to exist in a world where my twin wasn’t always by my side. Where the closeness we had once shared wasn’t always a guarantee anymore.
Maybe it was childish to want to hold on to what Grey and I had in the past. Hell, maybe it was childish to feel that way about Gage, too. They were both my brothers; two people I’d always thought would be constants in my life.
Now for the first time, I had to face the fact that nothing, not even us, was immune to eventuality.
Then again, I supposed things couldn’t stay the same forever as much as I wanted them to. We’d all been apart for a year already. Perhaps, I was simply late to the ball game on the dynamic between us all rearranging.
I sighed.
“You sound like someone just died.” The unexpected voice cut through the quiet of the living room, making me damn near jump out of my skin.
“Jesus!” I whirled around so fast I nearly lost my balance, a hand flying to my chest as my pulse kicked up. “What the hell, Greyson?”
He had the audacity to snort, a tired smirk pulling at his lips like he hadn’t just scared the shit out of me. “What? You didn’t hear me come in?”
I glared at him, scanning him while taking in the evidence of his night out.
His slightly rumpled clothes, the distinct smell of cheap beer and even cheaper cologne clinging to him like a second skin, announcing exactly where he’d been and what he’d been doing all night while I sat here hoping he’d come walking through the door any minute.
That sudden surge of anger from before tickled at the base of my neck.
Damn, I was doing so well, too.
“You didn’t come home last night,” I said.
“Yeah. I did text you. Did you not check your phone?”
“I did.” I paused, then said, “How’d you get served if you’re not twenty-one?”
He shrugged. “Fake ID.”
I rolled my eyes, bending down to scoop up the hose to the vacuum again. “Fucking typical.”
Confusion flickered across his features. “Ash—”
I cut him off before he could finish. “Do you realize how shitty that is? This is supposed to be a family holiday. Since Gage is gone, you’re the only person I’ve got here. I thought we’d at least spend the rest of Christmas together. But no, you were too busy going out and getting laid.”
Greyson’s lips parted, his expression shifting from confusion to something else: guilt.
“Did you even miss me?” I asked.
His throat bobbed. “Of course I did. What kind of question is that?”
I hated the way my own tightened. “It’s been a whole year, Grey. A whole damn year since we’ve all been together. And instead of, I don’t know, actually wanting to be here, you’d rather go drink with some guys you barely even know.”
“Ash, it’s not like that.”
“Then what is it?” I shot back. “Because from where I’m standing, it sure as hell feels like you don’t give a damn. This was your idea to come back for the holidays. The second Gage had to go, you ditched.”
The room hung heavy with silence, my words ringing louder than I intended. Since there was no buffer between us now, it was only us standing in the thick of it. No one to tell us when to quit, when to take a step back and walk away before we said something we couldn’t take back.
That had always been Gage’s job.
He was the one who kept us from digging in too deep, the one who knew exactly when to crack a joke or throw out some sage wisdom to make us roll our eyes and back off before things got ugly.
Without him here, Greyson and I were left to navigate this all on our own. The longer the silence stretched, the heavier it felt. Like neither of us knew where to go from here, waiting for the other to make the first move.
Greyson exhaled sharply, running a hand down his face. He hesitated for a beat, then let out another breath, this one slower, more measured.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I... Since coming back here, I’ve been struggling.”
I blinked, my irritation momentarily shifting to confusion.
That was not what I expected him to say. “With what?”
Greyson dropped his gaze, refusing to meet my eyes. “Everything. I— the military kind of flipped me upside down. Don’t get me wrong, I love it but... I feel like a stranger in this house now.”
My eyes grew wide.
I hadn’t considered maybe I wasn’t the only one struggling on this trip.
Stepping over the vacuum still sprawled across the floor, I closed the distance between us, moving slowly, deliberately, on the off chance he needed to back away and take a second to breathe.
I lifted my arms slightly as I reached him, folding him into a tight embrace when he didn’t pull back. I smoothed my hand over the back of his blunt hair, much in the same way I used to do when we were kids, when one of us had a nightmare and the world around us felt too damn big.
He let out a shaky, uneven breath.
“Want to talk about it?” I murmured.
He made a soft noise in his throat, a barely there sound. “Not yet. I will. Just...”
I didn’t make him finish, just squeezed him a little tighter. “I get it.”
Out of anyone, I probably understood that the most. Some things took time. Complicated conversations weren’t meant to be unpacked in the span of a few back-and-forths. Maybe Grey wasn’t sure how to put any of it into words yet, either.
I wasn’t about to force him to talk before he was ready, that wasn’t what he or I needed.
But I needed something other than whatever the hell this was.
I hated being kept in the dark, feeling like there was some giant wall between us when there never used to be. We’d spent our whole lives knowing everything about each other, never needing to guess what the other was thinking or feeling.
Up until we both decided we weren’t interested in continuing school and wanted to head out into the real world instead, we’d been on the same wavelength.
He sighed, his breath tickling my ear. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to ditch you yesterday. You seemed like you were in a funk so I wanted to leave you alone.”
I nearly rolled my eyes. “You asshole. That’s when you’re supposed to be up in my business.”
Honestly, he was so lucky I was the older twin, because what the fuck was that logic?
He thought the best thing to do when I was upset was to leave me alone?
The military was not only making him a meathead, it was turning him stupid, too.
“You can’t possibly tell me you would’ve wanted to go out with me last night.”
I shoved him back. Not hard enough to hurt, but enough to let him know he was being a dumbass. “I might have if you asked!”
“You barely said two words to me all day.’
“Oh, sue me for being sad we couldn’t all be home for Christmas for the first time since we were literally born.”
A smile tugged at his lips.
He reached over to ruffle my hair, dragging his fingers through it and getting them tangled in the thick, wavy strands.
“You’re such a sap. Let me guess: you would’ve wanted us to wallow together while watching those Christmas movies that have all the warm and fuzzy holiday crap, right? Torturing ourselves even more.”
I slapped his hand away, running a few quick passes through it to push it out of my eyes. “Is that so much to ask for?’
“I’d rather get laid.”
I lifted my foot, aiming straight for his, but the bastard dodged out of the way just in time.
Damn military training.
“You’re a horn dog,” I grumbled.
Greyson’s smirk deepened, looking far too smug for my liking. “Just admit you didn’t want to go out because you didn’t want anyone hitting on you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Why the hell would I care about that?”
“Because of your big, fat crush on your boss.”
The second the words left his mouth, heat flared across my face, coming on so fast I could feel the color creeping up my neck. “Shut up.”
He laughed. “I know I’m right because you look like you’ve got a sunburn. Please tell me you’ve made some progress and aren’t still hopelessly pining from afar.”
What did ‘progress’ even look like in a situation like that?
Was it not avoiding eye contact every time I accidentally met Wilder’s gaze and let mine linger a second too long?
Was it not feeling like my stomach flipped inside out whenever he said my name in that sexy, southern drawl?
Was it not getting absolutely wrecked over the accidental brushes of physical contact we had while working side-by-side?
Because none of that was actually happening.
Or maybe it was finally admitting to myself that this wasn’t just some stupid, passing thing that would go away if I ignored it long enough.
Maybe the ‘progress’ my brother was talking about was getting so hung up on him that I physically felt an ache to go back to the ranch that reminded me too much of how deeply I missed Baton Rouge.
Greyson smirked. “See? You can’t even answer me. That’s a bad sign.”
I groaned, rubbing a hand down my face. “Can we not do this right now?”
“Fine, fine,” he said, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “But just so we’re clear, I’m bringing this up again later.”
I rolled my eyes. Of course he was.
I expected nothing less from the brother whose life goal was to torture me as much as humanly possible.
I shoulder checked him on the way to the kitchen, suddenly starving. “I can’t wait until you like someone so I can give you a taste of your own medicine.”
His warm laugh followed me. “Yeah, don’t hold your breath.”