Chapter 11
Natasha
Penny and Aspen had occupied most of my time, which made it seem like I wasn't here with Ford. But he'd been weird all night.
He'd finally disappeared into the kitchen to clean up.
Earlier in the week, I'd thrown out that offer to see the view from my balcony, and he hadn't responded.
Maybe I'd stepped over a line. I could see how it could be perceived as flirtatious, especially since I was in the hot tub.
But we were old friends at the very least. I hoped he could still hang out without making it awkward, but I guess I was wrong.
When the dishes were done, everyone congregated in the living room; a football game playing in the background. This felt more like family time, so I stood and said I was going to head out.
"Ford, why don't you walk her out?" Maria asked.
I reached for my jacket that I'd left on a hook by the door, but Ford got to it first, holding it up for me. I shrugged it on and turned to face him. "You don't have to walk me out."
He tipped his head toward the living room where we could hear one of his brothers telling a boisterous story from when they were kids. "Mom insisted."
I shook my head and sighed. "Let's go then."
He opened the door, and I preceded him through the walkway. Snow was falling. I hadn't had a chance to check the forecast, so I wasn't sure if it was a storm or just a clipper coming through.
Ford shoved his hands in his pockets when we reached the door of my SUV, the one I'd bought after the inheritance. "You'd better go before the roads get bad."
"Thanks for inviting me."
"It was my mom." But he couldn't quite meet my eyes.
"Are you uncomfortable around me?"
His face tightened. "Why would you say that?"
"You seemed weird when we were seated next to each other, and you never responded to my text.”
He winced as if the idea were painful. "Of course not."
My shoulders lowered. "I was hoping that we could be friends, especially since we work together."
He nodded and let out a breath. "We can be friends."
I clicked the lock on my door, and he opened it. "It's amazing to enjoy the hot tub with the snow falling around you. But bring your suit if you come."
Now his expression was relaxed. "Yeah, okay."
I grinned as he closed the door, and I backed out. He stood there, waiting for me to leave. I waved before I continued on my way. I was glad that I'd talked to him about the awkwardness I sensed.
Friends hung out in hot tubs on balconies while the snow fell. Especially friends who'd been lovers when they were younger. We were more mature now.
I was confident I could handle being around my ex. But then I remembered how I'd reacted to seeing him in his work clothes for the first time, lifting that vanity. If he wore a swimsuit, it wouldn't cover much. I'd be able to see those impressive forearms, his chest, and abs.
I bit my lip against the picture that popped into my head. I was in so much trouble. I told myself that after spending the evening in Ford's childhood home, I was feeling nostalgic for him, his friendship, and the easy way we had around each other.
We enjoyed spending time together when we were teens. It was sweet. Now my thoughts about him were anything but sweet.
There was still a chance he'd change his mind. Inside, I hurried to tidy my apartment, then put on a bikini, debating between red or black. Both were sexy. But it was a Christmas inn, so I went with the red.
Tonight would be the ultimate test. If I stayed on my side of the hot tub, I'd know I could resist Ford.
I threw on a cover-up to answer the door when the bell rang.
There was a voice in my head telling me that I was crazy, and I was twisting things in my head, but I pushed it down. I didn't want to listen to reason tonight. I was following my instincts.
I open the door, feeling the breeze as the door swung wide. My cover-up fluttered around my legs, and Ford's eyes widened.
"Are you ready to go in the hot tub?"
He lifted his hand, where he was gripping trunks.
I smiled and stepped back. "You can use the powder room to get changed. I'll get it ready."
I grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses in case he wanted to unwind. I set everything on an end table so I could use both hands to remove the cover from the hot tub. It was heavy, but I could usually slide it off to the side with enough effort.
I lifted it, struggling to push it off. His arms came around me, and I was pressed against his body as he used his strength to remove the cover. My skin flushed hot, and desire licked through my body.
He moved to steady me with a hand on one hip. I couldn't draw in a deep breath as I turned to face him.
"Thanks for the assist."
One side of his mouth quirked into a smile. "It looked like you were struggling."
I rolled my eyes, turning away from him to switch on the jets. I played with the lights until they were blue. "I always get it. Eventually."
He moved to get in, settling on the far side of the tub, watching me with an expectantly raised brow.
I lifted the cover-up over my head, letting it drift to the floor before climbing into the water.
I sat on the bench adjacent to him so that I could enjoy the view and wasn't forced to look at him.
I should have invited him to sit next to me so that he could enjoy the same one, but I didn't think that was a good idea.
"You look like a naughty elf in that red bikini," he said, his voice low and gruff.
I gave him a look. "You know elves that wear bikinis?"
His eyes gleamed with mischief. "Just the naughty kind."
I shook my head. "I was trying to be festive."
"I appreciate the effort."
I glanced over at him again, everything inside me heating up. "Are you flirting with me?"
A smile played on his lips. "I'm just relaxing. Isn't that what you wanted to do?"
"Yes, actually." We had been somewhat stiff around each other.
As if we didn't know how to interact anymore.
It had been years since we dated, so there was some awkwardness there.
But now, he was letting down his guard. Maybe this was his way of giving in to a friendship between us.
We could talk and hang out, but nothing would come from it.
He felt safe to be himself around me. I should have felt relieved; instead, I was disappointed.
"The snow is coming down, and we have a view of the mountains."
"It's not the best night to see stars with the storm clouds over us," I murmured, wondering why I'd told him snow was the best view.
"I love a clear night." I lean back and allow myself to be overwhelmed by the sheer number of stars in the sky, feeling small and insignificant.
It helps remind me that my problems aren't too big to handle. "
I felt Ford's gaze on the side of my face. "You've had quite a year with your parents' death, moving home, and running the inn."
"It's been a lot."
"When I left the military, I wanted to reconnect with my family. As much as I liked being part of something much bigger than me, I wanted to be grounded in what mattered. I put country and my mission before everything, and that was fine for a time, but I wanted something more."
I felt a tingle run down my spine because he was opening up to me. He was doing the one thing I couldn't seem to get him to do when we were dating. He was telling me how he felt. "Are you happy that you made that decision?"
"I was gone a long time. I have a lot of relationships to heal. But I'm confident that I can."
Was he talking about his family or me? He couldn't possibly be insinuating that he'd come back to fix things with me. Surely, he'd dated plenty of women over the years and had more mature relationships than we had. "It's impressive that you want to try."
"My mom understood why I needed to enlist. I wanted to be a man, learn skills, and be part of something that was meaningful. But I think she's afraid that I'm going to leave again. She's happy I'm home but cautious that it might not last."
"I can understand that." Even though my parents died, and it wasn't their choice, I still felt like they'd abandoned us.
No one stuck around. I wasn't even positive that Eve would want to be the mayor of Christmas Town forever.
Surely, she had other ambitions, to be an event coordinator of a real town, one that won awards for her efforts, like "Best Small Town in America. "
We couldn't even compete in something like that since we were more of a hobby town, not a real one with an elected mayor.
"Who knew the hot tub and this view could make me tell you all my personal thoughts?" Ford mused.
"I'll have to remember that for the future.
" There was something about sitting outside like this, the warm water relaxing my muscles.
And the truth was that I'd never gotten over Ford.
He'd hovered in the periphery, a reminder of what I'd lost, what I hadn't been able to hold onto, and that feeling that I never got what I wanted never went away.
I could lose the inn and the town if I wasn't careful. It was a huge undertaking, and I'd never run a business before, much less a town with shop and restaurant owners.
"We're going to get through this and come out better on the other side."
I sighed. "I hope you're right. I have a lot of doubts, mainly when I'm alone on this balcony. The world seems vast, and my problems small, but they're still real. There are a lot of people depending on me to get this right."
He reached through the water, his hand snagging my elbow, before it drifted down my arm to my hand which he squeezed. "And you will."
"You'll figure things out with your family and the business too. It's going to work out because it has to."
He chuckled at that. "There is no plan B or fallback mission. This is it for us."
"Go big or fall apart," I murmured, echoing something that Eve said to me when we'd taken the plunge and decided to buy this place.
We fell silent for a few minutes, listening to the gurgle of the jets and watching the snowflakes fall. It was cold, but in the water, I was overheated. My skin was flush, and every nerve ending was on high alert.
I was in the hot tub with my ex, the man I shouldn't be having naughty thoughts about. But I couldn't help it. Spending time with him and his family tonight brought back so many memories, hopes, and dreams.
I licked my lip and looked over at him.
"What are you thinking?"
I laughed, feeling a little off-kilter. "That this is crazy."
"Which part? Buying a town or being alone with your ex in a hot tub?"
"The second part," I said quietly, my heart thumping wildly in my chest. We were alone, and there was no one here to judge.
Was I brave enough to go for what I wanted?
What I'd always wanted? Ford was here with me now, and he'd only offered friendship.
I shouldn't do anything to upset that delicate balance.
But tonight, it felt like we were in our own world.
A reality that didn't exist anywhere else.
Could we pretend that nothing else mattered except the two of us in this hot tub?
"This wasn't a good idea." His voice was gruff, his muscles tight as if he was restraining himself from closing the distance between us.
I nodded. "It was reckless."
"We can't be friends."
My breath caught in my throat, because he'd said what I'd been thinking from the beginning. This was an untenable situation. We were a ticking time bomb destined to go off at any second, and I was powerless to stop it.