Epilogue
Natasha
I'd been reeling ever since Ford hadn't shown up to the parade, The phone call and texts explaining what happened didn't make me feel better. I was relieved he wasn't hurt or sick and that his friend was going to be okay, but I didn't like that he left without telling me.
It brought back all kinds of bad feelings and anxieties. I understood what he was doing was important, but he should have talked to me.
The whole situation reminded me of when he enlisted.
We hadn’t discussed what would happen, and I made assumptions about how our relationship would be.
Then he went off to basic, distancing himself.
He didn't have time to talk or connect. He was busy doing important things, and I didn’t rank on that list.
When I had to break up with him the first time, I had been devastated. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was clearly what he needed. Was the situation repeating? Was I destined never to have a long-term relationship with Ford?
He forced his way into my life again, making me fall for him all over again, before slowly distancing himself again. It was a pattern with him.
Eve and I were in my office, planning the holiday events for the season. Eve typed our notes for the tree-lighting ceremony on her tablet.
"Have you talked to Ford?" I asked.
She looked up at me, her expression guilty. "He asked to meet for coffee."
My heart skipped a beat. Why did he want to talk to Eve but not me?
She waved a hand like it wasn't a big deal. "He wanted to apologize for not showing up for the parade. He explained what happened.”
"You forgave him." My heart rate was slowing as everything came into focus.
She shrugged. "Things happen. Texts don’t send. He was trying to help a friend. But he could have called or come to see you in person before he left."
"He told you that?" Why hadn’t he asked to talk to me yet?
Eve's face was pensive. "He seemed genuine. And I felt badly for his friend. It sounds like he's having a rough time."
"I don't understand. Why hasn’t he talked to me?" Then I had this panicked feeling that he was letting me down easy. He went off on a trip, and when he was back, I'd get the message that we were over. He wouldn't call or text; he'd just disappear. Pain shot through my chest.
Eve let out a breath. "For what it's worth, I think he's planning to."
I sighed. "I don't think I can wait much longer."
Eve put her phone on the desk. "Have some faith that everything will work out. You could go see him too."
"Not happening." I was the one who reached out when we were dating last time. It was his turn.
My phone buzzed.
Ford: Can I take you to the holiday light trail this Saturday?
I turned his request over in my mind. “He wants me to go on the holiday light trail with him."
A smile played on Eve's lips. "Go. Get your closure."
I didn't like the idea of it being closure. That sounded like we were over. But it was best to have a discussion about it, clear the air, like we did when we started working together. "This is something I have to do.”
Natasha: Okay.
Ford: I'm sorry for everything.
I showed Eve the screen. "What does this mean? Is he going to let me down easy? Break up with me at a holiday light trail?” I didn’t understand what was going on. “He's going to ruin Christmas for me, and I live in Christmas Town."
"Don't be so dramatic. He's not going to ruin Christmas for you.” Eve gave me a look. “Maybe he wants to make things up to you. Did you ever think it could be something positive?"
My lips twisted. "I'm wired to assume the worst."
Eve sighed. "I suppose you are. You haven't had the best track record. Your high-school sweetheart moved on without you.”
I winced. "Ouch."
Eve sat up straight, focusing on me. "You’ve kept yourself closed off from all possibilities, and then our parents died. You gave up your career and came home. You’ve learned that nothing's permanent, and no one ever stays."
"Except you. You stay,” I said softly, almost afraid to acknowledge the reality, because maybe I was wrong. Managing a tourist destination wasn’t the same as being the event coordinator in a real town.
"I’m the evidence that not everyone leaves. That’s not your story.”
I frowned. "It feels like it is.”
"I'm an example of someone who hasn’t abandoned you or broken your trust."
"I guess.”
"Your reasoning is flawed. Just because Ford couldn’t handle a relationship when you two were eighteen, doesn’t mean he can’t navigate one now. Give him a chance. I think you’ll be surprised.”
I sighed. “I hope I’m not being naive.”
A smile spread over her face. "You’re irresistible, inherently lovable, and Ford couldn't possibly walk away from you again."
I snorted because that sounded nice.
Eve sobered. "What if Ford's in love with you?”
My forehead creased. "Did he tell you that?”
She frowned. "Of course not.”
"Then how do you know for sure that everything’s going to be okay?”
Eve shook her head. "You're so focused on the negative; you haven't considered the other possibilities. What if he's in love with you, and he's going to tell you on the holiday light trail? That maybe he thought seeing you in person wasn't enough, and that he had to show you how he felt."
Eve trailed off, and my mind was racing with the possibility that she could be right. "I suppose it’s possible.”
“You’re both adults. You can talk about things and make a plan to do better in the future. This doesn’t have to be the end.”
I wanted so badly to believe that Eve was right, but it was hard to let go of the past.
What was that saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
I stayed busy with holiday event planning.
We'd hired a front-counter person for the busy season, and it freed up my time to work on other projects in town.
I was in my office well before Ford started work for the day and long after he was gone.
I refused to go upstairs until his truck left the parking lot.
The video feed of the parking lot and entranceways aided my avoidance.
The fact was that I was scared to see him. To find out that my worst fears were true. I could acknowledge that Eve could be right. But it seemed too farfetched. Things never worked out for me.
I’d gotten the inn I wanted, but it came with the town. I wasn’t even close to making it a success.
But tonight was the night Ford and I were supposed to meet at the holiday light trail. He hadn’t offered to pick me up, and I preferred to have my own car in case his plan was to break up with me.
I dressed warmly and headed to the light trail, telling myself I’d take notes on the set up so we could implement something similar here. But my heart was racing and my palms sweaty.
I wasn’t ready for this conversation. I wasn’t sure I ever would be.
I parked and checked my messages, following Ford’s request that I meet him at the entrance.
There was a ticket window and a hot chocolate booth. I got in line for a cocoa, looking around for Ford.
What if he didn’t come? What if he decided that he didn’t want me after all? What if he’d already made his decision, and he just needed to tell me.
My mind was reeling and my stomach churning. I turned toward the parking lot, wondering if I should just go home.
Ford appeared in front of me, holding two to-go cups. “I got you hot chocolate.”
I took one. “Thanks.”
“And tickets for the trail. Are you ready to go for a walk?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
It was cold tonight with a stiff wind that threatened to break through the barrier of my jacket. We showed our tickets to the teenager at the gate and walked through.
I sipped the warm liquid, hoping it would keep me warm no matter what happened.
We walked slowly, letting the kids run around us, their shouts of excitement fading into the background.
The trail was lined with characters from favorite holiday movies and classics like Santa and his reindeer.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you what was happening. When River asked me to help a friend, I was focused on getting to him as fast as I could.”
There was nothing inherently wrong with what he did. “Given our history, I wish you’d tried harder to communicate that to me.”
He looked at me earnestly, as if willing me to forgive him. “I texted you, but that wasn’t enough. Even if it had gone through, I should have talked to you over the phone or even in person. You deserved to know what was going on.”
“If we’re going to be in a relationship, we should talk about these things. We shouldn’t assume that the other person is on board.” If he’d talked to me, I would have told him to go. It was the way he cut me out that brought back bad memories and fears I wanted to let go of.
“Are you saying we’re in a relationship?”
I shook my head. “We didn’t talk about that—”
He stopped walking, moving slightly off the trail. “But it sure feels like we were in a relationship.”
I sighed. “Yeah, it did.”
He took my elbow and guided me down a second path, one that wasn’t part of the public trail.
“Are we allowed to be here?” I asked him as he led me down the dark path.
“I talked to the owners.”
He was quiet for a few seconds until we reached a trail lined with lights on the dirt.
“What is this?”
“It’s something I made for you to show you how I feel.”
“And how is that?”
There were more lights ahead, but he paused me with a hand on my elbow. “I should have talked to you a while ago, but I was waiting until after the parade.”
I let out a shaky breath and looked away from him. This was where he was going to let me down easy.
“I concocted the plan to go on holidates because I wanted to spend more time with you. I wanted to get to know the woman you are now. But I wasn’t sure you’d let me in unless I had a reason to be close to you.”
My eyes widened. Had he been interested in me all along?