Chapter 9
Elyna
Having Luc back home was a breath of fresh air.
It was good to see my kid brother thriving.
His university team just won the NCAA championship in hockey, he seemed content, happy, and he kept offering to babysit Braden.
I’d only ever left Braden out of necessity, but Luc kept insisting I could use a break, and he wasn’t wrong.
My life basically revolved around Braden since he was born seven months ago, and I would have it no other way.
But it would be nice to head out with friends and do something age appropriate.
I just didn’t know if I should tell Luc that Papa was becoming more unhinged as the years went by.
My brother always had this romantic version of Papa.
That he was just a weak soul, who couldn’t control his temptation for alcohol, but was an okay human being.
His view couldn’t be more skewed but after he became motherless at age ten, I wasn’t going to be the one who burst his bubble.
I let him think Papa was responsible, that he bought the groceries and not me.
That he cooked Luc dinner, even though it was me.
I don’t know why I did that, other than it seemed like the logical thing to do at the time.
I wasn’t eighteen yet when Mom was killed.
I feared Child Services taking Luc away if they learned how irresponsible Papa was, so I made him look responsible, even if he did spend most of his days at the bar and not home.
Only things were different now. Papa was different.
He was meaner or maybe angrier than he had been in the past, but maybe I needed to play the same game and not alert my brother.
I knew Luc would protect Braden and watch him like a hawk.
I spent the entire day getting those two acquainted and Braden was smitten with Luc.
I gave the boys some time to get used to each other and got ready for a night out.
It had been a hot minute since I’d been out and my clothes didn’t exactly fit the way they used to.
Kristie did say that we were going to a bar in the next town over, which I knew was pretty laid-back, so I figured a pair of jeans and a nicer shirt would do the trick.
I slipped on my dark jeans since they had a nice stretch to them and I could use the generous give.
I paired it with a black blouse I had that was short-sleeved and dipped a bit in the front.
It was cropped but on the loser side, which was nice because my breasts had grown larger since having Braden.
I fixed my hair into soft curls and gave it a good shake before applying a light lip gloss and brushing some mascara on my lashes.
When I stared in the mirror, I saw a woman who had been through a heck of a lot staring back at me.
Life had been tough but I refused to give up.
I knew I needed to keep my head held high and stay strong for my boy.
He deserved a strong mom. Not a woman who would fall apart.
My own mother came to mind. She was a beautiful woman, inside and out.
I don’t know what she saw in Papa, but marrying him was one big mistake.
She didn’t know how to leave. Maybe he threatened to hurt her if she did leave.
Who knows. What I did know was that she worked a lot and cared for Luc and me.
She had the responsibility of raising us and caring for this house.
Papa was no help at all. She was a strong woman, and I wanted to be strong like her.
I blew out a breath and slipped on a pair of cowboy boots I got, just before Riley informed me I had to leave Montreal with Braden. Had I known my life would be crashing down on me, I probably wouldn’t have spent the money. Still, it was a good purchase. The boots looked hot with the jeans.
I took one last glance in the mirror and headed down to Luc and Braden.
I went over a few to-do list things with my brother, reminding him how to heat the bottle, change Braden’s diaper before bed, and the most important was not to leave him alone if Papa was home.
That last requirement bought me a weird look from my brother, but I just shrugged and kissed his cheek while thanking him.
Then I headed out the door into the night where Kristie was waiting on our driveway, her car filled with my old friends. She leaned over from the driver’s seat as I climbed into her car. “Girl, you look hot. Those boots are giving me life.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “They’re just boots, Kristie.”
“Not when you wear them. You’re making me regret my flats.” She pulled out of the driveway as the other girls squealed in the back, already buzzed with the anticipation of cheap drinks and dancing.
Amélie, who was crammed into the middle seat, leaned forward between us. “Elyna, I swear, if you don’t dance tonight, I’m dragging you out there myself.”
“You’ve been warned,” added Chantal from the other side, already fishing lip gloss out of her purse. “She’ll do it too. Last time she had us forming a conga line with complete strangers.”
I smiled, shaking my head as I buckled in. “Noted. I’ll keep my Sprite ready for courage.”
By the time we reached Le Rustique in the next town, the neon sign glowing against the dark, I’d forced myself into the headspace of just one night. One night to just be a woman, not just someone’s mom, not just someone’s sister.
Inside, the bar was dim but alive with laughter, the clink of glasses, music playing from a local band. We grabbed a high table near the dance floor. The girls ordered pitchers of beer and fruity cocktails while I slid my glass back to the waitress with a smile.
“Sprite for me,” I told her.
Kristie raised an eyebrow. “Sprite? Babe, come on.”
“Someone has to make sure you maniacs get home,” I teased.
It earned me a chorus of groans and boos from the table, Amélie dramatically clutching her heart. “Fine, but you’re still dancing.”
The band switched from a slow acoustic set to a faster beat, and soon enough Kristie was tugging me toward the dance floor. Amélie and Chantal trailed behind, drinks sloshing as they lifted their glasses in mock toasts.
I moved my body and it felt so freeing. Kristie swung me around by the wrist, her curls bouncing.
She was gorgeous, bold and exactly the kind of woman who thrived in this scene.
She kept drawing the attention of men at the bar, winking at them, making exaggerated faces to me when one got particularly bold.
Amélie pressed close and shouted over the music, “I missed this! You’re not allowed to disappear on us again for years.”
I laughed, breathless, but didn’t answer. The truth was, I felt out of place and rooted at the same time. The air smelled of beer and perfume, and for a few minutes I let myself just exist here.
Back at the table, Kristie downed another cocktail too quickly. Her laughter grew louder, her cheeks flushed. Chantal ordered another round without hesitation, and Amélie egged her on. I stuck with my Sprite, my fingers tracing the condensation on the glass.
When Kristie slumped against the table with a grin and slurred words, I knew what was coming.
“Guess who’s driving?” I said lightly, jingling her car keys when she dropped them into my palm.
“Boo,” Amélie teased, clinking her glass against mine.
I smiled, but the minutes ticked by too slow.
The girls dragged me back to the dance floor again and again, their laughter blending with the music.
I played along, moving when they pulled me, but the truth was, I wanted to be home where I could watch Braden sleep, his tiny fists curled by his cheeks.
I wanted to stop pretending this is who I was because, on many levels, I wasn’t this girl anymore.
I didn’t want to pretend. I didn’t want to party.
I wanted to be home in the quiet enjoying my son.
By the time the night stretched toward last call, Kristie was draped over a guy she met near the bar, Amélie was dancing barefoot, and Chantal was trying to convince everyone to stay just a little longer.
I didn’t complain or pout or make a scene. I just sat at the edge of the booth, quiet, sipping what must’ve been my fourth Sprite, and waited until they’d laughed enough, until they’d danced themselves out, until they were ready to stumble toward the door.
We finally left the bar, and I drove all the ladies home. I was bone-tired, all I wanted was to kiss Braden’s cheek, crawl into bed, and breathe. Instead, as soon as I stepped through the front door, I found Luc storming toward me, his expression sharp.
“Why didn’t you tell me Papa lost his mind?” he demanded. His voice was low but fierce, and the words made my stomach sink.
My heart lurched. “What are you talking about? Is Braden okay?” I blurted, already starting for the stairs.
“He’s perfect. Fast asleep,” Luc said quickly, but his eyes pinned me in place.
I froze, halfway to the steps, and turned back toward him. “Then what happened?”
“He came home drunk off his ass,” Luc said, fury bleeding through every word.
“Some black car dropped him off. Izzy was here helping me, and he went off on her about how she looks exactly like Helen. Then he went off on Braden, called him the spawn of Satan. Scared the shit out of Izzy. She thought he might hurt him.”
The room tilted. My throat closed as tears stung my eyes. “I had nowhere else to go, Luc,” I whispered, the confession ripped its way out of me. “Don’t look at me like that, like you’re judging me. You don’t know what I’ve been through.”
He shook his head, his jaw tight. “I’m not judging.
I’m trying to understand why you’d stay in this house with him like that.
If you were in trouble, you should’ve told me.
I can maybe get a loan, enough to cover a rental.
But staying here with Braden isn’t an option.
Papa needs to be admitted somewhere. I’ve never seen him like this before. ”
“I don’t know what happened,” I choked out, the words tumbling as tears finally broke free.
“Ever since I came home, he drinks more. I thought Braden would soften him, maybe make him stop, but the opposite happened. I don’t let Braden out of my sight, not for a second.
I sleep with a baseball bat in my bed, Luc.
I had a plan.” My chest heaved, shame and exhaustion colliding as I broke down into ugly tears.
Luc’s face softened as he stepped closer, pulling me into his arms. “Shit, Elyna. You need to be honest with me.”
I buried my face in his shoulder. “I want you focused on school and hockey. We both need you in the NHL. All three of us do now.”
“I’m focused,” he murmured, holding me tighter. “I work hard on the team. I’m doing the best I can.”
“I know,” I whined through my tears. “I know.”
He leaned back, searching my face. “We’ll figure it out, but we can’t stay here with Braden. Izzy’s scared, and honestly? So am I.”
My whole body ached with the truth I’d been carrying. “I’ve been worried sick too,” I admitted, voice raw. “It’s eating me alive.”
Luc brushed his thumb across my cheek, wiping away tears. “You need to promise me you’ll never keep secrets again. You and Braden are the only family I have left.”
I nodded, my throat feeling like I had a noose around it.
“Say it, Elyna,” he pressed gently. “Say you promise.”
“I promise,” I whispered. I swiped at my eyes and forced a shaky laugh. “Sorry it ended up being such a late night. Kristie drove. Everyone drank including Kristie, so I had to drive them all home. Tomorrow I’ll figure out a way to get her car back to her.”
“It’s fine. We had good bonding time,” Luc said with a grin. “He’s a handsome little guy. We’ve got a lot in common.”
A laugh escaped me. “You’re such a man child.”
He smirked. “Get some rest. I’ll take the couch and keep an eye on things. But come morning, we need to find a way out of this house.”
I touched his shoulder, gratitude burning in my chest. “I know. Thanks, Luc.” With heavy steps, I climbed the stairs, the weight of everything pressing down harder than ever.
From the hallway, I heard him settle onto the couch with a blanket. For the first time in weeks, I let myself believe I wasn’t completely alone.