47. Chapter Forty Two #3
Then I lift my head, and everything sharpens back into focus. I catch Mom still watching me with that same satisfied look.
There’s a part of me that wants to blame the drugs, think that they’ve made her into this person I do not recognise. Hoping that underneath all this is the mother I missed, but I think this is who she is now.
I am so tired. Tired of everyone letting me down, everyone lying to me, making me feel like I am the fucking problem. I’m just so done, so tired.
“Leave.” My fingers are shaking. I raise them anyway, pointing down the road. “Now.”
Her smile falters.
“What?” She steps forward. I don't retreat this time.
“You heard me.”
For the first time all night, she looks nervous. “Colt, sweetheart, I'm trying to help you see who these people really are.”
“People.” I let out a breath that's almost a laugh.
“You left me with these people. Eighteen years, not a word—so don't stand there and tell me you're worried about who's looking after me.” My voice drops.
“You don't get to play the protective mother when you chose drugs over me. And then, only came back here for yourself!”
“Son—”
“I told you not to fucking call me that.”
My voice cracks on the last word, but I haven’t even got the care to smooth it over. I let them all hear how they’ve broken me.
Mom’s entire face crumples. No remorse or grief in sight, just pure panic spreading across her features like she’s only now realising what her drug-fuelled episode has cost her.
Because she came here with leverage and hope of money, only to leave here with nothing.
No money, no more leverage, and definitely no son.
Wade steps in, finally saying something. “The boy told you to leave, so leave.”
Ruby shatters in front of our eyes. Her knees go, and she drops hard, both hands catching the gravel. The sound that comes out of her isn’t a cry, but something rawer. A scream that starts low in her chest and tears itself out of her.
When she pulls herself back upright, something has changed in her face. Gone is the smugness, the performance, the careful control. What's left is something unhinged and cornered, eyes too wide, movements too fast, her body running on whatever she took tonight and pure desperation.
She looks dangerous.
The hairs on my arms rise. My heart is beating so loudly, I can feel it in my throat.
“That’s lovely,” her voice comes out strange, head tilting side to side like a metronome that's lost its rhythm.
“Wade. Being the big protective father.” She starts moving back and forth, quick restless steps that don't seem to have any destination.
“I never understood that.” A wavering finger comes up, aimed at Wade, her whole arm unsteady.
“Never understood why you were so—”. She stumbles back half a step, catches herself.
The finger swings toward me, “protective over him.”
Her expression twists. “Especially considering he isn’t even your son.”
The world stops.
Everything feels like it's ramped up by a thousand. The light is brighter, the music bleeding through the walls thrums louder, the air feels like it's burning my skin from the cold breeze. Everything’s just too much.
Behind me, someone sucks in a breath. I don’t even need to look to know it’s Maeve.
For a moment, Ruby looks stunned, like the words surprised her on the way out. Like that was one weapon she hadn't planned on using tonight.
“I just—”. Her hands fly to her mouth. Her eyes are wet, and for one terrible, fleeting second, I can see her. The mom I remember, the one who loved me. “I didn't mean—Colt, I'm sorry, I'm so—”
Then she folds completely down onto the gravel, arms wrapped around her own legs, sobs tearing out of her so hard her whole body shakes with them. Rocking back and forth.
Wade moves towards me, and I catch it from the corner of my eye; instinct makes me flinch back before I can stop myself.
“Don't.” The word scrapes out of me. “Don't come near me right now.”
The look that flashes across his face is pure worry.
“Colt, please. Biology doesn’t matter.” He says it quickly, his voice is the steadiest thing in the entire parking lot. “You’re my son. You will always be.”
I look at him. The man who felt more like my dad recently than he has in years, who I’ve only started calling Dad again after years of distance and resentment. And now, I am being told we don’t even share blood by the woman who is supposed to be my mom, but is a complete stranger.
I don't know who I am right now. I don't know what any of tonight means. I don't know which parts of my life have not had a secret tainting them. All I know is I cannot stand here anymore.
Hands reach for me from behind, but I am already moving, feet finding their own direction before my brain has caught up.
The Lone Coyote sign shrinks behind me. The music fades.
Ruby's sobbing fades. All of it dissolves into the dark until there is nothing left but the sound of my own feet and the noise inside my head that refuses, no matter how fast I go, to do the same.
I walk faster.
Then I run.