Chapter 50 #2
Plodding forward, I went to eat with Sage and Opal, trying to ignore the sinking in my gut.
She and I had talked about her childhood when we were pressed tightly together, her legs tangled with mine. That period of her life was still fuzzy to her. She had some memories of a woman who was kind to her, but anything else was a blank.
Sage wanted it to stay that way. Even though she knew now that her biological parents had been murdered in a home invasion, she didn’t want to know anything about them.
Her eyes were wet with tears when she’d asked, “Does that make me a bad person? I’m sure they were great.
They probably loved me and tucked me in.
My mom probably made me grilled cheeses that were the best and put little pickles on the side. ”
“Of course, it doesn’t make you a bad person.
If something happened to me and Opal could have a family like the Holts, and the cost was forgetting me, it would be worth it.
” It would be selfish of me to wish that Opal would remember how fiercely I loved her.
Even if it was agony to think of me fading from her memories like ashes on the wind, what I would want more than anything was for her to be happy.
Her biological parents had been good people, from what I gathered.
Her father had been a lawyer, and her mother had been a librarian.
They were targeted because of their nice house and nice cars, but there was no indication that Sage hadn’t had an ideal childhood up to that awful night.
If anything, the fact that she was the lone survivor told me someone had protected her.
I’d held Sage against my chest while she cried. “I just need to think about it.”
Clenching my jaw tight, I walked over to where Sage sat with Opal on the grass.
“I’ve got dinner.” I jiggled the plates unnecessarily.
“No meat on the bone for you.” Handing off the plate for my daughter to balance was a precarious trade-off, but she managed to straighten out her skinny little legs and give me a toothy grin.
“Thanks for making me a plate. We’re sharing, right?” Sage looked dubiously at the giant plate I had handed her.
I felt my heart lighten as my lips tipped into a smile. “I figured we could.” Passing over the napkins that I’d stuffed in my back pocket, I stretched out next to her and snagged a rib off the plate.
She hummed happily around the barbecue sauce. “They’ve really got the best food.” She licked her fingers. “Did we get cornbread? We’re going to have to hide it from Wade.”
“We did, but there’s cake.”
“Is cornbread a vegetable?” Opal asked. She’d already slanted her plate so far on her legs that it had wobbled too much, spilling some macaroni onto the lawn.
Tilting it back to level, I responded dryly, “Only Uncle Wade would say yes.”
“No. It’s not.” Sage answered. “You still need some greens.” Her eyes widened in surprise, and they shot straight to me as she realized she’d just given Opal a parental answer. I was delighted.
“That’s right. Listen to Sage.” I winked. “She’s always right.” Opal was my responsibility, but I would love nothing more than to share parenthood with someone.
We settled into our food and some people-watching.
Sage finally got up with Opal and went for coleslaw and more mac and cheese.
I watched them the whole time like a hawk, worried that I was going to miss something.
When Opal was full, she collapsed back, her hand on her tummy, for a few minutes until she shot straight up and declared it was time for bubbles, then chased off for Evie, leaving me alone with Sage.
“This is good, yeah?” I crunched a potato chip. Stuffed didn’t even begin to describe how full I was, but somehow I was still putting food in my mouth.
“It was delicious. I don’t know how I’ll eat any cake.
Maybe we can save a few pieces.” She was stretched out on her elbows, her hair tickling the grass, her face tilted toward the sunshine.
It was a wonder she hadn’t burned yet, but she was religious about her sunscreen routine.
I wondered if I should get her gardening hat out of the house. “Ellis tell you?” she finally said.
“Yeah.” My eyes continued to roam over the small crowd. It seemed like Ellis was keeping things tight, but there were still a few faces I didn’t recognize. I stilled for a moment as a woman hugged Hattie excitedly. Was that her friend Sydney?
“Good. I didn’t want to explain,” she sighed, not moving her head or opening her eyes.
Taking my eyes off Hattie for a moment, I turned on my side and propped myself up on the grass to watch her. “You think it’s Cedric?” The party had continued without us, with everyone laughing and drinking in the background. The food was good, the booze was free — what wasn’t there to like?
“I don’t know. God, I hope not.” From the house, I could hear Phiny calling for us.
They were going to have Hattie and Kipp cut the cake.
“The stuff he said was just a little too weird.” She squeezed her eyes a little tighter so the corners creased.
She tilted her head to look over at me, her eyes softening a little.
“Thank you for having Ellis stick with me. I appreciate you making sure I’m safe. ”
“I know it’s taking a long time.” It was a shitty excuse. We had all of these resources at our disposal, and it seemed like we were getting our asses handed to us. “We’re going to figure it out. I’ve got the team looking into Cedric again.”
“I don’t expect you to make my life perfect, you know. Life is full of hills and valleys. Even when you’re a badass, things don’t always go as planned,” she teased.
“That’s true enough.” Boy, had I learned that the hard way.
She wiggled up to a sitting position, dusting off her clothes. “Come on. Let’s get cake.” She held out a hand for me.