37. Della
DELLA
After the night with the glow paints, something shifted between us.
I’m confident we both feel it, but neither of us has been brave enough to be forthcoming about our hopes for the next steps.
I still haven’t officially committed to the art show, and I can’t seem to find the courage to talk to him.
I know that I can operate independently…
I should operate independently, but I want him to want me here.
Ideally, I’d love to stay in the long-term rental another month, but part of me feels like if he wants that, he would offer.
But really, it comes down to me being too nervous to ask if he wants me to stay. Because if he doesn’t, I’ll be crushed.
By the time we are a week and a half into high season, I already feel him relaxing more. The socials person, Lanie Locklin, arrived, and she fit in here with surprising ease. She’s like me, a bit of an interloper, and we bonded immediately.
Thursday night, a week after our painting encounter, Jax and I are lying together after another marathon sex session. This alone would be impossible to leave. I wish he would just bring it up.
“I was thinking,” he says, stroking the skin on my bare back. I’m tucked into his arm, and my leg is flung over him, even though we’re both still a little sweaty. “Would you be okay getting up super early tomorrow if I took you somewhere special?”
I sit up, excited at the prospect. “Where are we going?”
“It’s a surprise. You’ll be back by noon.”
“I would have to call off work.”
“You blow the boss daily, I’m pretty sure he’ll approve the request,” he laughs.
I join him in laughter. “Yeah, I’m game. Do I need to wear anything specific?”
“No, nothing crazy. Layer up like you would for a barn morning.”
“Done,” I say. “I can’t wait, Jax!” My body molds back into his, and he kisses my head.
“I can’t wait either, baby,” he replies in an exhausted voice. I know I have less than five minutes before he falls asleep, but I don’t push conversation. Though his foot is off the gas, I know he’s still burning the candle at both ends.
When alarm rings out at 3:30 a.m., I about hit the ceiling. I expect our call time to be quite a bit later than that, but he bounds out of bed ready to tackle the day.
“Rise and shine, Tatroe, we gotta hit the road!” he is practically bouncing on his toes.
Dragging myself out of bed, I get dressed in my layers and expect to eat a quick breakfast and get coffee, but I am wrong. As soon as I start to mill in the kitchen, he tells me that there’s food and caffeine in the car. Clearly the man has a plan; where could we be headed?!
Jumping in his truck, it’s clear that wherever we’re going means a lot to him, so I let myself fall into his excitement. Our car ride is full of carpool karaoke, laughter, talking, and happiness. It’s so easy to just exist with this man.
An hour in, he slows and turns off onto a gravel road, but I missed any signage to give me a clue to our destination.
“Look, Jax. I know I’ve taken a large step back from my crime shows and podcasts, but I gotta tell you, this doesn’t look good.”
He laughs and nods. “Completely forgot about that, Della. I might have to turn this car around.”
“Where are we for real?” I ask as he pulls into a spot right at 4:30 a.m. and throws it into park.
“Schwabachers Landing,” he says.
I have a moment to think about whether I’ve ever heard that before, and I haven’t.
He pulls a backpack out of the backseat and hustles out, coming around to help me down.
Taking my hand, he leads me down a path that looks like a nature trail.
I suspect that we are heading somewhere to watch a sunrise, because I don’t know what else it could be, but I don’t say anything; just blindly follow.
It’s a quiet walk as we take in the forest waking up. Our vision is limited, but we hear running water, chirping birds, and rustling. Even with the sounds, there is a serenity as we move along the tree-lined path.
But then, the trees open up. I see a lake, and the ghostly silhouette of the mountains in the still dark horizon. There are a dozen or so people peppering the area, but overall, it’s quiet.
“I wonder what we could be doing here this morning,” I smile at him.
The way he smiles back at me is enough to light up this dark morning air.
“I’ve never taken someone here before. We used to come as a family, but that was forever ago. You know, when you’re a kid, and you just don’t care too much. I appreciate it a lot more now. Both the present company and the natural beauty… and the beauty of the present company.”
“Oh, you’re laying it on thick there, partner,” I smile. He sits on top of an empty picnic bench, and I drift between his legs.
“Yeah, I guess I am. Look, Del, I was going to wait to bring this up until you were blown away by this sunrise, but I can’t.
I don’t want you to leave Amberheart. I’m not sure what the path forward looks like, but I don’t think this thing between us ends when your contract does.
” Jaxon’s eyes have always been the most expressive part of him, but I’m not sure I’ve seen a vulnerability like this.
When I process what he says, I’m pretty sure you can hear my sigh of relief from space, and I’m the one who’s lighting up the morning.
This has been such a constant stressor and question in my head that words escape me.
Instead, I grab him by his face and kiss him in a way that I know he hears loud and clear.
“I don’t think it should end in two weeks either,” I whisper to him while holding his head in mine. This is all I needed to hear to stay. Plus, now, I can fully commit to the gallery show in six weeks, too, which is equally exciting in a different way.
“I’ve been playing with logistics, and you have to move out of the cabin because we have someone coming in three weeks, but you could stay until then.
There are enough apartments for rent on Millstone.
Admittedly, they’re not the best of the best, because those have already been rented, but there are some decent ones.
I have a call out to a friend who rents places, so he’s looking too.
And if push comes to shove, you can move into the place behind the garage. ”
“Jaxon,” I cut him off. “I’m not worried about logistics because I know this is going to work out just fine.
I just needed to hear that you were on the same page as me.
But to cover my bases, I may or may not have also been playing with the what-ifs and have looked up places, too.
I am just… I’m so happy right now. It’s why I haven’t committed to the art show; I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to stay or not. ”
“Oh my God, Della. I thought you were putting it off because you didn’t want to stay. I have been thinking of a way to broach this for a long time.”
Beaming at him, I know both of us were foolish in our silence. I want to take this a step further and grab his hand to pull him to a more private location to show my appreciation for him bringing this up, but he stops me.
“As much as I want to partake in what I think you’re trying to do, this sunrise is a masterclass in light, and it’s measured in seconds. This sky will change a hundred times between first light and sunrise. It’s no Amberheart, but I’d bet this is a pretty close second.”
Almost on cue, the sky begins to shift the second he says it.
The first whisper brings my favorite purple-gray, and he wasn’t lying.
Over the next forty minutes, the sky transitions between all the most beautiful colors of morning light.
But that’s not it. Adding to the wonder of it all is that the lake is completely still, essentially becoming a mirror, so it’s a double dose of all the colors, which blows me away.
Wyoming was always a place on the map we had to learn about in school, but I had no idea what kind of beauty it held.
He takes sporadic photos for me, but really, I don’t need him to. I’ll never forget this.
After the sunrise ends, most of the crowd clears out, and I’m left still in awe of this man and what we just saw. I know we have talked about how the Amberheart sunrise was my new beginning of sorts, but I can’t help but feel like this solidifies it.
And now that the sun is fully up, I tug his hand again to pull him towards the woods to have my way with him. Has Jaxon turned me into a nymphomaniac? I think there’s a very real possibility he has.
The remainder of the weekend, there is a buzz in the air as the news that I’m staying travels around, and I’m met with the kind of enthusiasm that validates my place here.
I won’t continue barn chores, but I’ll reopen looking at bartending or something in the interim until I have an even better idea of what I’m going to do.
All the hypotheticals I’ve endlessly rolled over in my head are becoming reality when I see a handful of places on Sunday.
None of them quite fit my bill. But I have two more places to see tomorrow, and one looks promising.
The best part is that no part of me is nervous at all.
Because, like I told Jaxon on Friday, I just know this is going to work out.