42. Jaxon #3
“I… I don’t know. He even said in his little speech to her that she couldn’t give him what he wanted.
I can’t figure out why. Control? Bragging rights?
Appeasing his own parents? Fuck. You should have seen her face.
She didn’t know. You guys, she didn’t fucking know.
This is bad,” my eyes close, and I feel like I’m going to puke.
“Holy shit,” Cayson says.
“Do you want me to take care of this?” Everest asks. His eyes are dark as he looks at the car.
“I could handle it,” I say. Because I could. There is a legitimate chance I have enough adrenaline coursing through me to rip his fucking arms off.
“I didn’t know I could feel shittier about…” Cayson starts, but cuts his sentence short when the girls walk down the stairs and towards Tripp. Della stops short, sits on an empty golf cart, and looks at the dirt, while Hazel keeps going toward the car.
Though I don’t think Tripp will do anything, I jog to meet my sister, just in case.
I really want him to step out of line so my retaliation will be justified.
But he just rolls down his window, exchanges a few words with her, flicks me off for good measure, and then rolls it back up.
After a beat, the car drives away, leaving me shocked that they didn’t peel out and spray gravel our way.
Immediately, I turn and walk towards Della. “Del, I’m so sor…”
She holds her hand up to stop me, and I oblige, like a fucking dog. But I try again, “Are you okay?” I tentatively ask.
“No. I’m not, Jaxon. Today, I learned the extent to which I was a commodity.
The man I was supposed to marry was never going to give me a chance.
I was just promised to him because I’m pretty enough to be on his arm and timid enough not to fight with him.
Then, in fun news, I learned that my father wasn’t just pushing me to marry Tripp; it was a calculated exchange for payment.
Which means, as of five minutes ago, I know my father has been outright using me by exchanging my life and happiness for loan forgiveness.
That’s a low I didn’t know would ever exist for me.
And all this on the heels of falling for someone who felt so different from my ex, who lit me up in such a different way.
Things between you and me felt effortless, natural, and so damn wonderful. ”
The pain in her voice brings tears to my eyes the same way it does hers.
“It felt like the stars had aligned. Only to find out you were just capitalizing on a situation you felt entitled to in a different way,” her voice cracked.
“And do you know what the kicker is, Jax? The latter hurts worse than the former. Because I knew that Tripp and I weren’t meant for each other, but it was an obligation to make up for what I had done to my mother.
But I maybe thought you and I were. So, no, I’m not okay. ”
She presses her lips together and tries to school her face to keep the hurt from showing, but that doesn’t stop the tears from silently rolling down her cheeks.
Her words cut me in a space deeper than I thought existed in my body. I would give anything, including my share of the ranch my fucking brother was so concerned about, to take this away from her right now.
The worst part is that the words she heard were a lie.
I don’t feel entitled to her, not even a little.
She was never a bonus. It was a few stupid words uttered in frustration at my brother to get him off my ass to save the summer.
It’s inexcusable, I know, and she has no reason to believe me or forgive me, but I want her to know those words weren’t true.
My sister, frozen for the exchange, walks back towards Della in the golf cart.
If there were a line drawn in the sand, I can say with confidence that Hazel would not come to my side.
Cayson tries to follow right behind her, but Del holds her hand out to him, just like she did to me, and he stops too, following her orders, while Hazel takes the driver’s seat.
“I’m sorry, Della,” he tries to say to her right before the golf cart drives away, leaving my brothers and me. I’m still so fucking angry with Cayson for creating this mess.
When they’re out of sight, he looks at me. “I’m so sorry, Jaxon. I wasn’t being fair to either of you. God, I’m so fucking sorry.” My brother’s voice wobbles. I know he’s remorseful, but it doesn’t erase what’s happened.
“I can’t tell you it’s okay, Case. All I want to do is wrap that woman in my arms right now and tell her that she is better than everyone in her life, including me.
The only person I’m more angry at than the sir-dicks-a-lot that just left and you, is myself.
Because how dare I not defend her and what we had happening?
I don’t know how and when that anger is going to subside. ”
I speak my truth, looking at him for an extra second. He is staring at the ground, and I know he feels terrible, but so do I.
So does she.
I turn and start walking inside, but flip back around.
“You know what, Cayson, even if she were playing me, I wouldn’t care.
Chew on that right there. I would take what she and I had developing between us and be happy I got to experience this feeling.
Because the way I felt with her was foreign and downright fucking magical; nothing has ever come close to it.
I wish you would have looked at me, your best friend,”—I slap my chest—“and given me the benefit of the doubt that I wasn’t thinking with my dick.
Not with something this big. Not with her. ”
Shaking out the pain in my hand from where I clocked Tripp, I walk away. But the hurt pales in comparison to the sickening feeling in my stomach when I think of Della.
None of this was supposed to happen.