Chapter 8
Chapter eight
I am doing nothing
I am doing something: nothing.
The texts come back to back. So, needing relief, I play my cello while irritated and trying to clear my head of my thoughts.
Painful memories of the past meet the absolute hopelessness of the present and swirl in my head, accompanied by the sound of my phone pinging repeatedly.
I studiously ignore it. I'd woken up to a slew of nasty texts from Hannah and Tyler, begging me to keep enabling her.
But I won't do it anymore.
I'm through.
Done with shouldering guilt I have no business bearing.
Recognizing it was easy, but forgiving myself for settling for a life I knew I had no business living, with a woman I should never have entertained, is the hard part.
I fight the feelings of wanting to give up.
I want love. I know I'm capable of it, and I know there's someone out there for me.
But, unlike with Hannah, who enticed me into ignoring every red flag she possessed, I'm going to make sure whoever I give a chance to that they're going to damn near deserve the world before I open up ever again. But am I ready?
I play steadily, with my phone pinging in the background.
Sleeping Beauty [8:58a]: Alexander, are you okay? Tyler called me. What's going on? Is there any way I can help?
At the sound of my twin sister's special ringtone, I stop playing and hurriedly snatch my phone up to call her, needing to hear her voice.
God, please don't be mean right now, sis. I don't think I can take your brand of wickedness right at this moment. I toss a prayer up that I'm greeted with a softer Aurora instead of the evil alter ego she sports ninety percent of the time.
"Hi, you okay?" she answers softly, causing my chest to loosen in relief.
Thank God.
"Hey, sis." I clear my throat uncomfortably. "You?"
"I'm good. Just making sure you're okay…" she trails off, leaving me space.
"What are you doing tonight around seven-thirty? Can we grab some dinner?" I ask.
"Sure, I'm free. Want to head out for our usual?" She pauses. "Hey, why so late?"
I blow out a relieved breath. "Sorry…it needs to be kind of late because I have an after-hours meeting with a pain in the ass therapist. I'm free after we're done; then we can catch up.
" I go silent, placing my head into my hand, feeling my hands begin to tremble with nerves. "They're driving me nuts, Aurora."
"I knoowww; I can feel it." Aurora chuckles into the phone. "Sorry, it's not really funny. But remember when I offered to give her brain damage for you, and you didn't take it? Remember that?"
I laugh, remembering quite well. When she first brought it up I thought it was a joke, but Aurora surprised me by telling me she was dead serious. Although I don't know why it came as such a surprise at the time, she is the evil twin, after all.
"Yeah, but then I would have been stuck taking care of her for the rest of her life. Could you imagine?"
She makes a little gagging sound in the phone. "Yuck. You already know I can't. Sounds like a straight nightmare. Alright, see you later at dinner. You make sure you keep your head up until I see you. And don't break and give them any money," she says sternly.
I smile. "I won't. I've been firmly holding my boundaries. I love you, sis. Be safe."
"Love you, too."