Chapter 24 I Wonder
Chapter twenty-four
I Wonder
Rubbing my sore arm with a sigh, I exit the car with the burgers I'd picked up on the way to Alexander’s office, enter the glass building and board the elevator.
I took a few minutes to cry in the car because I'd had to inform Mrs. McDermont that I had to drop her as a client. I’d unfortunately become triggered when she'd wanted to talk about her feelings about her husband hitting her during sex, and I became so uncomfortable that I knew I couldn't keep her as a client.
It was all too soon after Brandon had been hitting me.
So, I'll have to find a new therapist to take my place.
I take a second to look at my reflection in the elevator mirror and wince. My nose is slightly red, and my eyes are still watering, betraying my emotions.
I walk into Alexander’s suite, and my steps hesitate at seeing his receptionist has gone to lunch.
A bit nervous, I shift on both feet, seeing his door slightly cracked and him busy typing at his desk.
I pause for a second because his jaw is set tight as he focuses on whatever he's working on.
He's got a no-nonsense look on his face, and it's kind of hard to believe this is the same man who'd just slept the night away in bed with me only mere hours ago.
Walking through the expansive space, I knock twice, waiting for him to call me in and keeping my eyes off the crack of the door. I hear him push away from his desk before walking to the door and opening it the rest of the way for me with a smile that quickly falls when he sees my face.
“Sarah, what’s wrong?” he says, making my eyes water even further.
Alexander’s brows furrow as he reaches out and takes the bag of food from my hand and ushers me in, closing the door behind me quickly.
He pulls out a chair for me to sit in, his eyes glancing over my one-piece romper.
I see his eyes linger on my hair that's pulled up into a loose, fat bun at the top of my head with tendrils that fall here and there, and his lips twitch like he's not able to help the smile that wants to grace his lips at the sight.
“I had to let a great client go. It was the first time ever I’ve had to tell a client that I couldn’t see them. And I really liked helping her,” I reply thickly. My eyes fall to the desk as another tear escapes my eyes. "I'm really upset about it."
Alexander pauses on his side of the desk as I bow my head and wipe the errant tear away. He grabs two tissues and holds them to me gently before lowering into his chair.
“I’m sorry to hear that." His elegant voice is awash with hesitancy that seems foreign to him. "Can you tell me why you had to let her go? You don’t have to give me any identifying information,” he assures, leaning back in his chair and getting comfortable.
Staring at him for a second, I entertain thoughts of physical touch from this man who seems so cold.
What on earth makes a person so detached and clinical?
I wish he'd walk back around his desk and put his arm around me the way he’d done the night before; however, I have a feeling he won’t.
It’d be too forward, and I don't think that being forward is in his personality.
His lip twists in annoyance, almost as if he'd had a displeasing thought, and I wonder what he's thinking.
I wonder if he desires human touch the way I do.
His eyes flicker lazily over my face, and I hate that he sees me in my sadness when generally I'm such a happy-go-lucky type of person.
Not anymore, I guess. He's broken me. Picking at a loose thread in the sleeve of my cardigan, I avert my gaze from the piercing azure of his stare and try to muster up the courage to reply.
“She triggered me during our session today," I start softly, keeping my voice low, "she’s a masochist, and she was wanting to talk about them…
what they do…in the bedroom." My eyes flick to his before averting immidiately.
"He slaps her in the face and other stuff while they….you know.” I put the back of my hand to my cheek and blush hard.
I glance up in enough time to see a muscle in Alexander's jaw jumps in his cheek as if to try and hold back a grin.
His brow rises cheekily as he swivels his chair slowly side to side.
Something mischievous flickers in his piercing blue eyes before he smiles in earnest, although it looks tight like he's not able to help it.
Alexander's eyes flicker back to mine warmly. “Well… I’m sorry that someone’s sexual kink triggered you, but everyone’s got a kink. You know that, right?” he asks, reaching forward and fussing with the bag of food between us.
“Oh, yeah?” I scoff. “What’s yours?” I ask without thinking.
I slap my hand over my mouth, my eyes widen, horrified. Alexander pauses in his motions of unpacking our burgers, laughing at my distress. His blue eyes are full of humor as they meet mine.
“Booyyyy, you therapists just can’t help yourself, can you? No filter whatsoever.” He chuckles. “Eating is mine.” He smiles as if savoring a delicious secret.
Whoa.
My mouth falls open, because did this man just say his kink is eating pussy? I didn't expect him to be quite that bold.
I decide to deflect his comment. “Really? You don’t look like you eat a lot,” I say innocently as my eyes pin themselves to the two boxes in between us. But they fly back as Alexander surprises me with a deep, obviously sexual chuckle.
“I keep myself in shape so I can eat whomever I please.” He grins at me as I look away from him in surprise, but I can't help the smile on my face.
What the hell did this man just say? I huff a shocked laugh, wondering if he meant it to come out that way. I turn back to him.
“You mean with whomever you please…” I say testily, arching a haughty brow, wondering how he's going to respond. This interestingly stoic, yet oddly emotionally attuned man. My lips quirk, thinking about his birthdate, and it hits me that he's a Cancer. The emotional astrological sign.
Alexander shakes his head, arching his own brow at me almost as if in a challenge, but it doesn't intimidate me….not in that way. We stare each other down for a tense few seconds before he speaks, “Which one is yours?”
Huh? Is he wanting to know my kink? I feel my eyes get impossibly wider, to the point I wonder if it's possible they’ll fall out of my head.
"The burger, Sarah," he clarifies, keeping his eyes trained on mine. Does he know how intensely he comes off?
“The lettuce wrapped one, of course,” I mumble as I pull it closer, thanking God I can order food with no bread. “I swear I think I’ve gained five pounds over the weekend thanks to you.” I'm still looking down, but I can see in my peripheral vision his head tilts.
“Hmm-hmm. You’re welcome.”
My heart skips a beat, and I flick my eyes back to his in surprise, where we again have another tiny standoff. His lips twitch again, but he's very good at keeping that wicked smile of his under wraps. Controlled. Everything about this man screams discipline, control, and class.
I can't imagine him being unhinged in bed, though I do wonder how he'd be.
Alexander clears his throat, picking up his burger once more.
“Now, back to the email I sent. I got you a first-class ticket to Vancouver, and we’ll be flying out together.
I've already ordered a driver to pick us up and take us to the airport, so we don't have to worry about parking fees and such. The flight leaves at five in the morning, so the driver and I should be at your house by three. Will you be able to get up on your own, or do you need to stay at my house the night before?”
“Huh?” I admonish. My brows lift, and I put my burger down, pinning him with a stare. “You did what? Alexander, what are you talking about?”
Just then, a sharp tapping sounds on his office door, interrupting us. Alexander turns his head and frowns, displeased at the disruption. Ironically, so am I; I want as much alone time with him as I can get. Because something about him calls to me, begging me to figure him out.
“Come in,” he calls, grabbing a napkin to wipe his fingers.
I look over my shoulder and see none other than David, an associate of mine, walk in. David gives Alexander a kind smile before his eyes slide to where I'm sitting, finally seeing me, and I break out into a big smile of my own as we lock eyes.
I giggle as David breaks out into a laugh of his own. “Sarah Beara! What a surprise to see you here! You look gorgeous!”
Excited to see him for the first time in person after over a year, I stand up with a skip, making my way over to him and throwing my arms around him.
He laughs. “Dr. Flemming, oh my God! I didn’t know you had an office here!
I didn’t see your name on the plaque downstairs! It’s so good to see you again!”
A sudden blast of icy energy hits me hard, and I stiffen, feeling the vibes in the room immediately turn cold.
David's in the middle of rubbing my arm when my skin breaks out into goosebumps as Alexander clears his throat rather rudely.
My smile slips, and I half turn to look back over my shoulder, seeing Alexander sitting rather stiffly in his seat.
His eyes are sharp with a smoldering intensity, and, dare I say it, something akin to jealousy. My heart skips a beat, wholly unprepared to see that particular expression on his face.
"Oh," I whisper, rolling my lips and taking a tiny step away.
I turn and give David an apologetic look; however, David's busy looking at Alexander, not me, and I can tell the second he clocks the energy shift as well.
His smile wavers, and he takes a step away from me cautiously, throwing Alexander a perplexed look.
But David pivots easily, fixing his face back into his usual kind expression almost effortlessly.
“I uh…. I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” David asks, folding his arms and throwing me another fond smile.
I keep my eyes purposefully off Alexander’s as I walk back to my seat and sit down. I look back over my shoulder at David and scoff. “Nonsense—“
“David," Alexander interjects smoothly, turning his eyes to him. "If you kindly would excuse us, I can stop by your office at two o'clock when we’re done.”
I turn my face back to Alexander, surprised at how effortlessly he pivoted, effectively shutting down any hint of David third-wheeling our meeting.
I keep silent, chalking it up to inter-office issues; maybe there's something going on between them I don't know about.
But I wonder how David feels, having been dismissed so thoroughly in front of me.
Nervous, I peek again to see Alexander raise a haughty brow at David, who bites back a grin and backs out of the office. He pauses, though, on the threshold with a hand on the doorknob, and his eyes meet mine once again as he gives me a wink.
“Bye, Sarah Beara, I’ll email you soon. Maybe we can have our own lunch date to catch up,” David says, clicking the door shut behind him. For a second I tense as he uses my nickname again, all of a sudden feeling very awkward with it being said in front of Alexander.
I turn back to Alexander, gaping at him. “Alex, that was a little rude!” I chastise.
I can't help my eyes narrow, but when his gaze leaves the closed door and finds mine, I can see he couldn't care less. Yet it's hidden under the usual carefully veiled arrogance and confidence.
“So, Sarah Beara, huh? How do you two know each other?” he asks, obviously ignoring my chastisement of him and trying to keep his tone light and innocent despite the redness under his color.
I lean in further, staring into his eyes. Getting lost in them, rather.
“I think you might be the only person who doesn’t get this.
Maybe you’re too prolific to see it? We all run in the same circles, duuhhh.
” I wave a hand dismissively as he chuckles at my admittedly juvenile expression.
“He was kind enough to let me interview him for an assignment while I was in grad school getting my counselor degree, and he also wrote me a letter of recommendation.
" As I tilt my head, my eyes fall to his lips, watching him chew slowly while he regards me with an expression that, if I didn't know any better, I would classify as stony.
"I remember emailing and asking you for an interview back then too, but somebody was just. Too. Busy. For me.” I smile softly, wanting to see that expression crack just a little before biting once more into my bunless burger. "But David wasn't."
He visibly stiffens. The tension ramps up even hotter between us, and it's all I can do to keep my hands from trembling as I continue to eat as if I'm not affected by him.
But that's insane because anyone with half a brain would be affected by this charismatic, handsome, and, hell I'll say it, sexy-ass man sitting in front of me.
Alexander gives me a little grunt as he puts his burger down, licks his lips, sits back in his seat and wipes his hands very slowly with his napkin.
My eyes are drawn to his movement, seeing him rub the napkin with his fingers; though, there's nothing on his hands to clean off.
My heart begins to race as his eyes remain almost unbearably hard and cold on mine, causing me to shiver as he doesn't relent and let me into his warmth.
A tiny thrill goes through me at the seriousness behind his eyes. And I wonder what it would feel like to have all that intensity trained on me in the bedroom, burning it down with me between the sheets.
“Uh-huh. So, the nickname?" He circles back.
"Why does he call you that?” His eyes fall to my hands holding my burger, and I see a little glimmer of judgement, or maybe even displeasure, in his features, and I wonder why.
Noticing that he's been picky about food since I've been around him, I wonder if he's got a past history of being hungry that makes him so finicky around food.
Thinking of Alexander's possible "what-ifs," I soften my tone out of my teasing one and give it to him straight, picking at my burger.
“My close friends call me that. They did all the time in graduate school. David saw it on a group email thread one time between me, Jerome, and Christopher, and now he teases me every time I see him. Which hasn’t been a lot in the last couple of years.
I only speak to him lately when I refer clients to him via email. ”
Alexander stays silent for a second, watching me eat a small piece of my burger. I suddenly feel very vulnerable around him.
He tightens his jaw, and I wonder what he's thinking about.