Chapter 25
Thursday, the day after the ham and cheese toasties at Dylan’s, was so busy.
She was late to work after hold-ups on the road.
Then an angry customer came in to return a glass vase that had a crack in it – a flaw that wasn’t there before sale, according to Lili’s inventory.
Clearly the woman must have dropped it. Then a pipe supplying the sink in the staff kitchen leaked across the whole floor.
After a series of frantic phone calls, she managed to find a plumber who could come out before water spread into the shop.
He worked past closing time. Lili sat in the stockroom drinking coffee, surrounded by once much-loved objects.
Em was much loved. Much mourned. Much missed.
Lili gazed at the shelves. There were so many different types of loss – after deaths and break-ups, after abandonments.
If they were lucky people, and people often were, they found new ways to be cared for, like these objects found new homes.
Was anyone loving Em now? Had her childhood dog and grandparents greeted her at the Pearly Gates? Or had the love she’d experienced on earth kept her here, lurking in the shadows, trying to keep friends and family away from danger?
‘You did a shit job when it came to me falling down the stairs, then,’ Lili said and stared in front of herself as if her best friend stood there. Lili surprised herself and gave a little laugh.
The plumber called up the stairs that he’d finished.
Lili locked up and got into her car and drove away from Mevagissey, humming.
She was about to turn onto the main road and begin the trip back to Truro when Callum and Jack caught her attention, in a small front garden, outside a block of flats.
They were hanging green and red fairy lights around a leylandii.
He’d said Lili had driven past his house before. She pulled over and Callum came over.
‘Hi!’ he said.
She got out and waved at Jack, who was playing with a cat. ‘Hi there. Just letting you know I’ve found an old video player and am waiting to see if it can be given a clean bill of health. I’ll keep you posted. Hopefully it will work out cheaper than buying one from eBay or a shop.’
‘Hear that, Jack?’ said Callum. ‘Lili is helping with my Christmas shopping! So the least we can do is invite her in for one of the Santa biscuits you made at school today.’ He turned back to Lili and lowered his voice.
‘Best of luck, last week he made fairy cakes and I ended up with a twist tie in my mouth.’
She beamed and went over to chat to Jack, kneeling down to stroke the tabby cat who belonged to a neighbour, apparently.
The little boy rushed indoors to fetch his dinosaur collection and whilst Callum disappeared into the kitchen, he set the plastic animals out on the living room carpet and introduced them, one by one, to Lili.
Callum carried in a tray and set it on the small dining table near the back window.
Jack ran over and picked up one of the biscuits. He took it over to their guest.
Callum shot her a sympathetic look and went over with a small plate. ‘Would you like a different one?’ he said.
‘But that’s the best, Dad!’ said Jack. ‘Santa’s got a beard. I forgot to ice it on the others. And I washed my hands, like you told me to, after I played with the cat, so it’s okay that I’ve touched it.’
Lili bit into the gingerbread man. ‘Mmm. Lovely! Well done, Jack! Crumbly. Just how I like them.’
Callum jerked his head towards the Christmas tree. ‘I know we’re not quite in December, but we couldn’t resist this from the garden centre.’
Lili ran her eyes over the tree, loaded with a mishmash of different baubles, some homemade, clearly by the little boy, like the card snowman with wonky eyes and reindeer with three legs.
Absorbed in a fight between a T-rex and Brontosaurus, Jack lay on the carpet. Callum looked sheepish and apologised for the bulging black bin bags stashed in the corner.
‘Do they hold all the belongings you talked of, that you can’t let go of?’
‘Yep. An overspill from my bedroom. Nothing I could sell. Nothing worth any money.’
‘But they mean a lot to you?’
He nodded and sat next to her on the sofa. ‘Going back to my childhood.’
‘Relatable. I went through the loft earlier this year. I found a box of all the birthday cards I’d kept since forever – from relatives, school friends even.
I decided it was time to let go. I chose one card from each person to keep.
And all the ones from special birthdays, like my eighteenth.
’ And all the ones from Em. She couldn’t let go of them.
‘Did it help?’
‘Yes! They all fit into just one shoebox now. The problem is, the longer we hold on to things, the more emotionally we invest in them, even if it makes no sense. Like… like a coupon I got a couple of months ago for ten pounds off a food shop if I spend forty. I haven’t used it.
Never will. I don’t visit that supermarket.
But I’ve held on to it for two months and because of that it feels wrong to let go of it now. ’
‘That’s exactly how I feel,’ said Callum, and he sank into deep thought for a moment. ‘Thanks, Lili for… not judging.’
She smiled. ‘Always here to chat. I have a… friend who works in house clearance. He’s about decluttering, large scale, all in one go.
And sometimes that’s what’s necessary, but for others, a clear-out might be best done in stages.
I’ve learnt that from the many donations I’ve sifted through over the years. ’
Lili put her crockery on the table. ‘Right, better be off. See you soon, I hope. Bye, Jack! Thanks for the biscuit.’ She could have talked about the freedom ceremonies to Callum, but putting pressure on someone to act might backfire.
The tabby cat in Callum’s front garden had been very friendly.
Normally cats preferred strangers who ignored them.
Approaching cats that don’t know you made them feel under threat, you had to let them come to you – just like the people who needed to take part in Lili’s Sunday afternoons.
They had to make the first move, had to find their own way to letting go.
Lili headed to bed after dinner and snuggled under the duvet.
She let out a sigh, glad to be safe and warm and cocooned from the challenges in life like traffic hold-ups, angry customers, and leaking pipes – the stuff she’d have normally talked through with Em; the bad stuff that couldn’t possibly affect her again, now, until she got up tomorrow.
Relaxed and toasty, she closed her eyes and eventually fell asleep…
* * *
Em points to the top of the tree and grins.
It is their Christmas sloth. They put it up every year.
It wears a Santa hat and hugs a branch. They decided it was their festive spirit animal, as Christmas was a time to veg out.
It is the Saturday before Christmas week, when they always cook a festive dinner together and celebrate, as they are never actually together on the twenty-fifth.
Yawning, they head into the kitchen for a late breakfast of pancakes with all the trimmings.
A traditional turkey roast will be enjoyed late afternoon.
Em wipes away a smudge of maple syrup from her mouth and slides over a long, narrow, wrapped box. ‘Happy Christmas, Lili!’
With gusto, Lili opens it. ‘Oh, Em…’ She lifts up the stained-glass bird suncatcher. ‘It’s so very beautiful. I can’t wait to hang it up.’
Lili hands Em a square gift, tied with a big red and green bow. Em tears open the wrapping.
‘You star!’ says Em, and she jumps up to fit on the vintage Mexican Day of the Dead jacket. ‘I utterly love this. Thank you, thank you.’
Lili gets up too and they embrace. Then Em grabs a strawberry, before heading upstairs to run a bath – a day-off treat.
She takes her time. Lili clears up the breakfast dishes and prepares the vegetables for later.
The bath water stopped running ages ago.
Lili wipes her hands on a tea towel and goes up to the bathroom. She knocks.
‘Em? Everything all right? Talk about stringing out this soak to avoid peeling carrots.’
No reply.
Lili’s chest tightens as she knocks again before opening the door.
‘Em! Em!’ She’s under the water, hair swirling around her head like Medusa’s. Lili heaves her into a sitting position and shakes her friend. ‘Wake up! Wake up, Em!’
Lili rings 999. Follows the call handler’s instructions. It makes no difference. Em doesn’t move, doesn’t speak.
Then out of the blue, Em opens her eyes. She looks at Lili with the saddest expression before the light in them dies.
* * *
Heart pounding, Lili wakes up.