Chapter 27
After getting back from Dylan’s, Lili went for a run.
How Em would have howled with laughter, but she was desperate to get rid of the inner tension that had built inside.
Her cheeks turned bright red, her chest heaved and she bent over, gasping, when she got back to the cottage.
Out of breath, she ran a hot bath. She soaked in it, trying not to think about her nightmare, before ordering pizza.
Exercise. Hot bath. Carbs. She should have slept soundly but tossed and turned, fleeting dreams taking her to the Mushroom Kingdom.
In the middle of the night she sat up in the dark and hugged her knees, trying hard not to look at Dylan’s jumper hanging on the outside of her wardrobe.
She flopped backwards and lay down again, covering her face with a pillow whilst she groaned.
Eventually, she pulled it away and, through a crack in the curtains, stared at the half-moon.
That was what Dad used to call a croissant, a full-moon breakfast being a circular pain au raisin.
Mum would shake her head in an affectionate manner, back in the days when she and Dad got on.
Lili’s parents hadn’t wanted to involve her in the divorce, or encourage her to take sides, but it had been hard not to hear their arguments.
Turned out Mum had never been in love with him.
She’d got pregnant with Lili and decided staying with the baby’s father would be best. He’d loved her passionately, so she’d pretended.
And so had Dad – he’d known right from the beginning that she didn’t feel the same, but he’d told himself she’d change.
‘I adored the bones of you, so it never mattered!’ Lili had once heard him shout.
But it did matter because over time, the arguments and resentments kicked in, on both sides. Her parents had lied to each other about what they truly wanted; they’d both lied to themselves about what they could make do with.
The only conclusion a young Lili could make was that commitment was scary unless you met someone who valued honesty as much as you did.
One-night stands, casual relationships – they were so much easier due to zero expectations.
A person could have goals different to getting married, and life could still be fulfilling – you only had to look at icons like Jane Austen, Coco Chanel and Diane Keaton.
Sean had never intended to be with Em in the long-term and his lies had done untold damage in the way a casual relationship wouldn’t have.
Mike, a plumber, who Lili had had a few dates with several months ago, wasn’t honest with himself, or Lili.
From the start Lili had told him she didn’t want anything serious and he’d said that arrangement was fine.
However it soon became obvious that he was hoping date after date would change her mind.
Other dates too, over the years, hadn’t been completely transparent, bigging up their jobs or lying about their age.
But then Lili had met Dylan and, straight away, he’d been transparent, right from that first hour when the man in the Dracula cape insisted she scroll through his messages, proving he hadn’t been reading the texts she’d sent Em.
He’d laughed at himself over his middle name.
He’d been so considerate that night they’d slept together, making sure anything that happened between them was what Em wanted.
And now it was time for Lili to come clean.
Confession time.
‘I can’t deny it any longer… I’ve fallen for Dylan Davis, hook, line and bloody sinker, deeper and deeper like an anchor that never hits the sea bottom.
I don’t want us to be nothing but friends.
I want all of him,’ she declared to the half-moon.
In the pit of her stomach, a ball of excitement span like a roulette wheel at the prospect of them going on holiday together.
Maybe he’d see her in a different light away from Cornwall, away from the charity shop, his house clearance business, away from the one-night stand and their agreement to just be mates.
And maybe, for the very first time in her life, Lydia Taylor felt ready to commit to a relationship.