Chapter 54
Elsedora
The heart-shaped door knockers and pretty burgundy floral wallpaper went by in a blur. The renovations much improved the place.
Grasping Leonna’s arm, I stumbled into her bedchamber. My elbow knocked a candle from the bedside table.
Oops.
Leonna worked quickly to stomp out the wick.
Looks like I didn’t need to use the key after all.
I giggled as she kicked off her velvet slippers and sat me down on the edge of her bed.
“You need water,” she mused.
She tried to step away to retrieve the pitcher on the vanity, but I caught her hips, gently digging my fingers into the supple silk, enjoying the way her skin gave way beneath it. I imagined large hands touching me this way—setting me on a kitchen butcher block.
My vision cleared. I looked up at her through my lashes.
She smirked and shook her head. “You are piss-yourself drunk, Elsedora.”
“And you are veryyy pretty,” I retorted. The words dragged across my tongue as seductively as spoiled milk.
Sources. She was gorgeous—with her dark hair piled up neatly and her dress cut low.
This would do. Wouldn’t it?
“Well, I’m flattered by your enthusiasm,” Leonna answered with an airy laugh and an expression that looked far too much like sympathy.
Shit… I’d said that last part out loud.
Emmerick would find an amiable woman. I bet she would never stumble home with a courtesan, or sleep with three traveling performers at once, or any of the many debaucheries I’d cooked up through the years. She’d be good enough for him—she’d match him. She wouldn’t fucking run.
“Can I ask you some-sting? Some-sing. Something.” I laughed through my own drunken garbling. “Do you think that I’m lovable?”
Leonna’s expression turned soft, and I hated the pity that pinched the corners of her eyes. I didn’t want that. I needed her to make me forget.
I shook my head. “Don’t feel bad for me. Be honnnest...”
“Darling, why don’t you lie down and try to get a little sleep?”
I reached up and pulled on her bottom lip with my thumb. “I’m trying so hard not to love him. He can’t love all of this...” I waved my free hand over myself. “I can’t let him.”
Leonna pushed my hand away from her mouth.
Those full pink lips didn’t feel tempting tonight. Nothing did, aside from running into the arms of an off-limits King—I’d sullied that though.
Ugh.
She settled down next to me. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this bent out of shape over someone,” she said and ran circles with her palm over my back as I hunched over my knees.
“It’s horseshit, really,” I answered.
She laughed. “You’re in love, Elsedora. Parts of that can be horseshit. But they don’t have to be. Whatever you’re seeking tonight may be fun for the moment, but won’t make you feel any better tomorrow, my friend.”
Noooo. She always had to be right.
“Get some sleep, love. If you still feel up to this in the morning, then we can talk.”
I wouldn’t feel up to it—the wind in my sails begged me to go home. Not to Lamoreaux. To him.
In this state, no good would come of speaking to Emmerick tonight and guilt tugged at my chest that I’d avoided the discussion we were supposed to be having.
I shook my head and sighed. “I should go. There’s someone who will know what I should do.”
The chill of the Helos air sobered me some as we approached the Egress. I hadn’t remembered my clutch, or to wear a jacket. The cold wouldn’t kill me, but it bit through the sheer sleeves of my dress, causing me to shiver.
Leonna walked with me, looking skeptical of sending me on my way alone, but I’d insisted.
I traveled to the boathouse at Luz Palace.
Lark thought she’d been covert enough to hide the entry there. I’d added additional wards to it when I’d found it years ago.
I suspected that’s how she and the boy had snuck around and remained friends. Slippery little fox—it made me a tad proud.
Crossing my arms, I approached the Faulkers’ cottage. Surprisingly, even at this hour, the windows were lit. The air wasn’t as chilly as in the North Corridor, yet I trembled.
Before thinking better of interrupting Angeline and Leo’s peaceful night, I rapped twice on the wood door.
Leo opened it moments later. “Elsedora,” he said with raised brows. “Is everything alright? Is it my boy?”
I pulled my shoulders straight.
Act.
Sober.
“No, no, all is well. We missed you at the celebrations tonight.”
I had missed them.
I’m sure Emmerick had too—but Wyeth had ordered Angeline to stay in bed and Leo refused to leave her side. Coveted by many and achieved by few, his loving devotion made my heart swell.
I could have that.
“Is Angeline awake? I came by to check in and have a word with her,” I said. Trying my hardest not to sway or reveal my level of intoxication, I rested a hand on the doorframe.
He could likely smell the wine on me from across the threshold. “She’s awake—painting, actually. Come on in. It’s cold out there. I’ll boil some water for tea.”
He stepped inside and grabbed a throw blanket before gently draping it over my shoulders. As I hugged the warm quilt to me, it suddenly became clear where Emmerick’s instincts to care for me had come from. I hadn’t realized I’d been trembling until the wool engulfed me.
“Love, Elsedora is here.” His deep voice boomed from where he’d already busied himself at the hearth to make me tea.
“About time,” Angeline shouted from the next room. I smirked at her faux ire.
Leo nodded toward their bedchamber, inviting me to go in.
Multiple lanterns lit the room, helping Angeline see her work. An easel rested on her lap, and she was adding finishing strokes to the pink blooms on some trees.
My trees.
The orchard at Lamoreux sprawled across the linen, in silver snow and green leaves—each plum blossom intricately placed. The hills rolled in the distance.
“You...” My breath caught. “You painted the orchard? From memory?”
Angeline chuckled. “I did. It’s dreadful being stuck here. I needed something to keep my mind off missing the festivities.”
I slumped into the wooden chair at her bedside, trying to quell the growing heat behind my eyes.
I would not be a drunk and a crier.
“It’s gorgeous. You captured it all so beautifully,” I said.
She set down her brush and palette on the end table and finally turned her attention to me. “Are you and that boy of mine ever going to do me the honor of visiting together? It’s tiresome to pretend he wouldn’t rather be at your side than not.”
Her crystal blue irises seared me, daring me to deny it.
I didn’t.
She’d figured me out too quickly.
A silk thread had come loose on my sleeve, and I fixated on it, avoiding the pressing weight of her knowing maternal stare. My mother had been this way too—she’d known when my moods shifted. She’d been a force to be reckoned with whenever I didn’t tell her what bothered me.
“Let’s say that you’re right,” I started, and when I glanced up, a sly smile crossed Angeline’s face. “Would you be disappointed for him?”
I hiccuped. Damn it. I’d kept my words stitched together, but my body betrayed me.
Her amusement faded instantly, her brow furrowing into a hard, unreadable expression.
“I thought you were wise,” she answered. “What kind of mother would be disappointed about their son finding someone who never ceases to make them smile? The boy glows when he says your name.”
I wished it were that simple. Though, I warmed at her not sharing Sybilla’s disbelief.
“I don’t think I earned his smiles tonight. I made a fool of myself and left on the arm of another,” I admitted.
She tsked. “Well, clearly that went well for you if you ended up here talking to an old woman in the middle of the night.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. It hadn’t gone well at all.
Guilt tugged at my chest. I shouldn’t have come here seeking advice about her son.
“I’m sorry I never visited,” I said, working hard to contain the pressure behind my eyes.
“It’s alright. Though, I missed your company. Why didn’t you?” she asked with no air of judgement.
There went not crying. Was it a Faulker trait to unravel someone’s emotions so quickly?
“You remind me so much of my Mama and the last time I saw her, I didn’t know it would be the last. Visiting when you were sick, it…”
My voice caught, and Angeline grabbed my arm.
I could feel my mother’s embrace as Lamoreaux was raided. Then, she’d thrust me into the Egress to go find Fen. For once, I’d followed directions; the estate had descended into chaos, and she and Papa had stayed to fight.
“Keep moving until we meet again.” I’d never stopped.
She’d told me she loved me.
I’d forgotten to say it back.
My only chance.
“Elsedora, dear, it’s alright—come here.” She waved me toward her, tugging on the quilt around me.
When I sat on the bed, careful not to nudge her hip, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me to her. White paint from the palette she’d discarded caught on the sleeve of my dress. I didn’t care; a mother’s embrace settled all doubts.
I could have gone to Cassidee or Wyeth, or Fenris even. Something about the cottage settled my worries and planted my feet on solid ground. I no longer wanted to flee or keep moving past this.
What I’d done could be fixed.
“What am I to do?” My tone turned pleading, and Angeline squeezed tighter. “I’ve made a mess of this.”
“Go into the kitchen. There’s a blue leather-bound recipe book. It has my shortbread instructions.”
“Make him biscuits? That’s your answer?” Leaning back to meet her now glassy gaze, I let out a watery chuckle.
She shrugged. “They’re his favorite. I usually make them on his birthday, which is tomorrow. So, you’re doing that for me. I have no advice for you on anything else. Something tells me you two will be just fine figuring that out on your own.”
My limbs felt heavy, and my head throbbed. I rubbed at my eyes, willing them to stay open.
“Go sober up in the armchair in the other room until morning,” Angeline demanded. “You smell like a wine barrel.”
Huffing a laugh, I rose and pulled the throw blanket tighter around my shoulders.
“Yes, ma’am,” I yawned out.
“If I don’t see you before you leave, then good luck, my dear. He may be King Mattock to everyone else, but he was brought up here, and Faulker men do not stay angry long.”
I offered her a weak smile and wished her goodnight before making my way out into the living area.
“Goodnight, Elsedora,” Leo said as he passed me a hot cup of tea before he retired into the bedchamber.
I curled up in the armchair, warmed by the fire. Tonight, I’d rest.
Tomorrow, I’d stop running.