Chapter 58
Larkspur
Dritan and I had returned to Luz after King Mattock kicked us out of Lamoreaux. I’d sighed a breath of relief the night prior when we’d realized my parents had already retired to their bedchamber.
I’d slept fitfully, knowing that I’d face a lot of inevitable shouting this morning. Long after the sun rose, I left Dritan in my bed and pulled on a warm wool robe over my thick nightshirt and linen pants.
With bare feet, I padded down the palace steps. The marble chilled my toes.
I found Papa in the entryway, lighting a few candles that had gone out. Bracing, I cleared my throat.
When he diverted his gaze to me, he offered me a weak smile.
Good start.
No shouting yet.
“Is Mama awake yet?”
He shook his head. “No, it was a rough pain night for her. I let her sleep in.”
Heat built behind my eyes, and my throat constricted. I hated being the source of Mama’s stress, hated that my actions might have tired her.
“Papa...” My voice cracked, and the tears flowed freely. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
My vision blurred, but I heard him approach. Sturdy arms wrapped around me—the same ones that had embraced me after my first fall off a horse, and when I’d been made fun of by the children at school.
“I am very pissed off about that, Larkspur.” His tone lacked the grating quality that usually paired with his anger. “Why didn’t you come to us first?”
When he held me by the shoulders and assessed me, his brow furrowed.
An overwhelming sense of disappointment enveloped me; to my surprise, his feelings were aimed inward. His being melancholy with himself tugged at my guilt more than if he’d started shouting.
“I thought if I told anyone, they’d try to keep him away. I love him, Papa. It hurts to think of a day apart from him, never mind an eternity.”
My father’s body tensed, but he looked over my shoulder at the statue standing on the thick marble podium, and his throat bobbed for a moment.
My hands shook, and the tears kept flowing. “I’m so sorry. I know my duty. I will still train, still fight, still face whatever battle against Caym lays ahead. But Dritan feels like a part of my soul—he has from the moment I met him. You cannot keep me from him.”
He shook his head, contemplating my words. “I married Freya when I was young. Nothing would have stopped me.”
My heart skipped a beat as he trailed off. Papa had never spoken his first wife’s name to me before. I knew it only because of the plate on the bronze memorial standing near us.
He cleared his throat. “He will formally meet me and your mother before you sneak him up to your room again, or next time, I’ll drag him out of there by his—”
“Papa!”
He huffed a gruff laugh, but continued to stare down at me with quiet intensity. “You’re so very young, Lark,” he said, his expression turning a hint sad. He needed time to mourn the loss of my childhood before he could be happy for me.
I wiped away the tears from my cheeks. “I am not too young to know what I want for myself.”
He grunted, as though he disagreed, but did not argue. Instead, he released my shoulders and said, “Marriage is hard work. It isn’t always rewarding.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mama would punish you for that statement.”
“Well, that’s half the fun,” he said in jest.
“Papa!” I choked on my laughter. “If it is so difficult, then why did you choose it again? It wasn’t a tradition of immortals.”
He hummed, this time glancing up the stairs, where Mama still lay asleep. “Because in marriage, you’re less likely to face your hard days alone. And when there is no one else you’d rather wake up beside, that person makes each day better than the last.”
I scrunched up my nose. “You never seemed like you valued romance.”
“I don’t. Your mother sneaks it out of me.”
My hands finally stopped shaking. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t yanked Dritan down to the dungeons when we came back the night prior.
“Finding someone you love is scary, isn’t it?” I asked. I’d likely reached the end of his sentimental rope. Yet I longed to know if I would ever stop feeling this way—like something could crush it all so easily.
He finally answered, “A bit. I only wish for you to never know the feeling of losing it.”