26. Rosay #2
Pain squeezes my throat, my neck and ears impossibly hot under their scrutiny.
I know there’s nothing left for me to do but come clean, but even thinking about telling the story makes my chest burn.
How do I tell my family th at they overheard me wrong and I’m so desperate for their approval that I couldn’t bear to tell them the truth?
“I didn’t want to disappoint you again,” I say, digging my toes into my shoes.
“How would you disappoint us, sweetheart?” Wendy asks.
I fight the urge to curl in on myself, to shield them from the disaster that is…
me. Forcing my spine straight, I look up at them.
There’s no anger on their faces, just confusion.
“You all sounded so happy, so proud of me, when you thought I was finally settling down.” I suck in a shaky breath.
“I guess it felt too nice to finally not be the family fuck up.”
Dad shakes his head. “Mija, when will you finally see yourself as we see you?” I shrug, chewing on my cheek.
“No one still blames you for the mistakes you made years ago when you were only a kid. You lost your way for a little bit there, but you worked extremely hard to get back on the path you were meant for. Hell, if anyone deserves the blame, it’s me. ”
“No, Papa.”
He waves me off. “I should’ve been there, should’ve seen past my own grief to notice you were struggling, that you needed me.”
Hearing him say that, acknowledging that I needed him, relieves the pressure on my chest.
“We were both grieving,” I say.
“Yeah, we were.” He frowns, and I hate that I’m making him relive losing my mom. “But it was my responsibility to take care of you. Had I been paying more attention, you wouldn’t have—”
“I made my own bad choices. And then I was so embarrassed and worried that I was tarnishing our family name that I figured you guys would be better off if I didn’t come around anymore.”
“Rosie.” Waverly walks over and sits beside me, grabbing my hand and placing it in her lap.
“You're not the only one with embarrassing stories. I g ot arrested for shoplifting when I was fifteen. I begged Mom and Dad not to tell anyone because I was so embarrassed, but half the school found out because one of the cops was the uncle of my frenemy.”
I stare at my sister, the badass doctor, with wide eyes. “Really?”
She nods and rolls her lips between her teeth. “I was mortified for months, and I wasn’t allowed to go back to the mall for three years after that. I still mainly shop online because I’m terrified someone is going to remember.”
“I got into so much credit card debt I couldn’t even buy a house,” Winnie confesses. “I’m still working on bringing my credit score back up. Do you know how embarrassing it is to tell your long term boyfriend you can’t buy a house with him because they’d deny his application?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, frowning at my little sister. “I could have helped you lay out a plan to pay it off and avoid interest.”
“For the same reasons you didn’t tell us, I guess. I was embarrassed and ashamed.”
I stare at my family, shellshocked at their admissions yet feeling a warmth spreading through my chest as I relax.
“I was out partying after a football game and got a DUI in college,” Dad says, leaning against the wall with his arm crossed and a resigned look on his face. “Would’ve gotten kicked out of school had the Dean not given me grace.”
“Wow.” I exhale my surprise and shake my head. “I never knew that.”
“The point is, we all have things we’re not proud of, Rosay.” Wendy sits in a chair across from me. “Do you remember what I told you when you failed that test in eighth grade?”
I think back, trying to queue up the memory.
Getting good grades was always important to me, but I had bombed my English test on past participles.
I didn’t study because one of my friends was having a sleepover, a nd I just had to go.
Even though I knew I didn’t do great on the test, I cried when I saw the F on the paper telling me I’d failed.
“You said that it was just one grade, one moment that wouldn’t follow me as long as I changed direction and set my eye on the prize and stuck with it.”
“And you did,” she says, patting my knee.
“You’ve always followed through on everything you’ve set your mind to.
You didn’t let your mistake deter you from getting a college degree and look at how successful you’ve become.
It might not have worked out the way you originally expected it to, but you never hid behind your mistakes or gave up.
And that’s more than most people can say. ”
The stiffness in my shoulders dissipates as I look at my stepmom. “I guess I never thought about it like that.”
“We love you for who you are, Rosie,” Winnie says. “I’m sorry you felt like you had to put on a facade for us.”
“You guys are all so tight,” I say, rubbing sweaty palms on my pants. “It felt like there wasn’t any room for me when I came back.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” Dad walks over to me and crouches.
“There will always be space for you, and any of your other siblings, here. We love it when we get to see you, which isn’t enough by the way.
” He playfully glares at me. “This house might be different than the one you grew up in, but it will always have room for you.”
"Yeah," Waverly says, nudging my foot with hers. "Plus, we need to finish out our Meg Ryan romcom marathon."
I chuckle. "Definitely."
Dad groans as he stands. “Now tell us about this thing with Graham.”
I knew I wasn’t getting off easy on that one.
As I launch into the story of how everything happened with them mishearing me, to Graham overhearing me talking to Stella about needing a fiancé, t o us entering into the deal, the stiffness in my shoulders falls away.
It’s not until I tell them about how supported he’s made me feel, how much he’s built me up and listened to me, how comfortable and seen I feel in his presence that I realize I sound like a lovesick fool.
Winnie grins. “You love him too.”
I blow out a long breath. “Yeah, I guess I do.”
“He’s a good man, mi carina. Better than I could’ve ever picked to love my daughter.”
“Thanks, Papa.”
“I’m sorry I sprung the idea of a double wedding on you,” Winnie says. “I just thought it would be cool to have the same anniversary.”
“It’s okay, Win.”
“And once I saw your mom’s dress in the back of the closet, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I mean, the measurements for your bridesmaid’s dress are exactly the same. How kismet is that?”
“My mom’s dress?” I raise my eyebrows, mouth parted in surprise. “I thought it was lost in the move?”
Waverly lets go of my hand and walks over to the closet, pulling all the garment bags forward until she finds a gray one from the back.
My heart races as she hangs it on the door, and I’m up out of my seat in seconds, drawing down the zipper to unearth my mom’s wedding dress.
Gorgeous appliques steal my breath away as I pull the lace fabric from its bag.
From the off-the-shoulder straps and mermaid bodice to the trumpet train, this dress is perfect.
“It’s exquisite,” I say, tracing my fingers over the neckline and trying to keep my tears from falling onto it.
“It’s so…you.” Waverly squeezes my arm and my stomach floods with sisterly warmth I’ve never felt from her. “That dress was meant to be worn by you.”
Thinking about standing across the aisle from Graham makes my heart simultaneously swell and wither at the same time.
Nothing about the past couple days was planned.
I’ve always known there was something between us, but I never expected it to turn into love.
Have we been dancing around each other for the past six months, assuming the tension between us was purely physical?
Would we have ever gotten to this moment on our own had I not needed him to pose as my fake fiancé?
That’s a question I can’t answer, one that prevents me from seriously considering his absurd proposal to actually get married, which is why I need this wedding to happen quickly so I can go support him the way he’s supported me.
“Would you totally hate me if I left after the ceremony to go check on Graham?”
“Not at all.” Winnie slaps my arm. “Let’s go get me hitched.”