Chapter 34
EDWIN
James returned to us three long nights and days after Dalziel took him away.
Approximately seventy-two hours of wondering if he was all right, if he was desperately unhappy and furious with me for allowing him to go, or if he’d been glad for the chance to rid his heart and mind of some of what had been torturing him.
Realistically, I knew nobody had forced him at all, nor had I ‘allowed’ anything. James, for all he’d been existing on the fringes of living since he’d had his breakdown, had been of sound enough mind to have said a firm ‘no’ if he’d been truly against the idea.
Dalziel stayed for a while. He refused a glass of wine, but urged James to indulge in a glass of something, saying he’d most definitely earned the right to kick back for a night.
Trace, his demeanour mellow from feeding me shortly before James came home, waved a languid hand at us all from his position on the floor near the sofa.
“You should feed Eddie,” he declared with a grin. “Best natural high there is. I had no idea it would feel so fucking awesome.”
Dalziel’s eyebrows shot up, as did James’. “It doesn’t have that effect on me,” he ventured softly. Then he evidently remembered exactly how it did affect him and that Dalziel was still here, because he groaned and hid his face. “Fuck’s sake.”
I laughed and came to perch on the arm of the chair so I could wrap a hand around his neck.
“I’m fairly sure everyone knows how hot and bothered you get from my bites, darling.
Give it another decade or so and you won’t even consider blushing when someone mentions sex-related issues.
Vampires are incredibly open about all types of pleasure. ”
“So are the Fae.” Trace blinked up at me with another sappy grin when I fixed him with a what the fuck? look. “What? I’m just saying. James needs to free his inner Fae and not give so many fucks.”
“I’m not sure it works quite like that,” Dalziel murmured, looking highly amused. “But that’s my cue to leave. I need to feed, and contrary to Trace’s views on the Fae, I’m not convinced Isher would take kindly to my chewing on his veins for kicks.”
“You didn’t bring Pavel?”
He shook his head. “He didn’t want to leave Lucansburn again so soon after the last time.
Remember, Edwin, he’s not in love with me.
He’s my dear friend and shadow, but we’re not joined at the hip like you three.
He’s not bothered if I hunt. He knows I’ll come back to him.
” His subtext was clear; we were all way too jealous and loved-up to even consider being okay with my heading out to feed from a stranger.
I saw Dalziel to his car. “D’you think it helped, y’know, talking to James? Has he made any breakthroughs?”
He sighed. “Who knows? I will say he’s done very well to voice what happened to him out loud.
Whether that’s enough to help him work through it, I couldn’t say.
He’s made a valiant start though. You know, Eddie,” his tone turned even more serious, “you chose a good man there. I know he’s young, but he’s street-smart and ballsy, two essential characteristics for someone hitching their wagon to a vampire. You did well. Good instincts.”
Wow. Okay. “Thanks. He, uh, you know I initially only wanted him because his blood smelled good?” Why the hell was I admitting my shallow side like this when I’d just been paid a compliment?
Dalziel scoffed. “Of course I know. You’re nothing if not consistent.
You’ve spent the past hundred years being led by your dick or your fangs.
Why d’you think I was so insistent on speaking to James so early on?
I love you, dear boy, but your track record didn’t fill me with confidence.
” I narrowed my eyes at him and he laughed.
“Ach, c’mon, don’t get crabbit with me. You know I only want the best for you all. ”
I had to allow he was right. “It’s not like that now,” I hastened to assure him. “I’m quite capable of love that lasts for longer than a few hours.”
“Oh, Eddie, I know that too.” He gestured for me to bend a little so he could brush his lips against my forehead.
“Sweet, silly boy. You’ve always had that capability.
Maybe it needed someone very special to unlock it.
Or two special someones.” He stepped back and unlocked the vehicle.
“And now, I really must go. I need to hunt. I’m hellishly thirsty and we’re running out of night. Keep in touch.”
James settled back home quickly. He was more animated than he’d been before staying at Dalziel’s, but still quiet.
I hoped he was processing all the crap he’d told my sire, although neither he nor Dalziel said a word about what had been spoken of.
I hadn’t really expected Dalziel to; after all, he’d put himself in the position of therapist and as such he was honour-bound to respect his client’s privacy.
I had hoped James would be willing to share, but maybe he needed more time.
I voiced my frustrations to Trace. “It’s like he’s keeping secrets from me. I know I’m being unreasonable, but I feel shut out from his life.”
“Eddie, everyone has secrets.” Trace regarded me sternly from under his hair, which for once was hanging loosely down his back, tangled around his shoulders and falling messily in his eyes.
“And I mean everyone. If James isn’t talking to us about this, you have to trust it’s not right for us to know.
It’s not the right time, or someone isn’t in the right head space to deal with the truth, whatever that is.
Let him be, and trust that when the time is right, we’ll know what we need to. ”
He was right, which rankled more than it should have. “Why are you so bloody wise, you hippy magic man?” I grumbled. “It’s not fair that you’re so logical and calm about this.”
“Years of keeping to myself and only having plants to talk to,” he shot back, but he said it with a smile, then offered to hang out all the wet washing, so I didn’t think he was grouchy at me.
James had been home exactly a week when he accosted us both in the living room with a steely glint in his eyes. “I’ve been thinking. Uh, well, yeah, and I want this.” His hands were trembling and I noticed him shove them into the pockets of his jeans. “Sex, right. You two love it, aye?”
Trace glanced at me, and I gave him the tiniest lift of my brows as if to say, ‘By all means, take this one’. He inhaled and pushed his hair off his face to look up at James from his position on the floor by my feet.
“We do both love sex. I think you do too, James. But, you have some hang-ups, caused mostly by the horrors Cormack inflicted on you—” we both saw him flinch “—and possibly in part by your own concerns about what it meant to be gay keeping you from trying what you wanted to.” James flushed, but nodded, a sharp jerk of his head.
“So,” Trace continued, “I take it your declaration means you want more than getting hard when Eddie bites you and wanking furiously in the bathroom with the door locked?”
“Really, Trace?” I said, shocked, which wasn’t a usual state for me. “Isn’t that a bit, y’know, blunt?”
“It is, but James got badly freaked out last time we were together in the way he wanted, and I’m not hiding behind euphemisms to spare his blushes.
It won’t do any of us any favours to pretend this mightn’t go the way we hope it will.
I need to be clear that James is ready. Or if not ready,” his voice softened even more than his usual mellow tone, “that he’s prepared to let us help him deal with the fallout if it goes badly.
” He beckoned James forwards with his outstretched hand.
“Come and join us. You’re too far away up there by the door. ”
James’ throat bobbed, but after a moment’s hesitation he threw another of my cushions — I’d resigned myself to buying some new ones soon — to the floor, and settled with his head resting on my knee.
Automatically, my fingers drifted to pet his luxurious mop of hair.
I adore everything about you, especially your pretty blue eyes and your almost permanent bedhead look you have going on.
You’re so gorgeous. He raised his face to catch me gazing at him.
His blush returned and he ducked his head. Stop saying I’m cute.
“What, I’m not allowed to admire you unless it’s from a distance now?” I teased him. “I’m going to keep reminding you until you believe me.”
Trace chuckled. “Mutual admiration society aside, are you really okay about giving whatever it is you want to do a try?” A solitary nod. “All right then. So what is it you want to do?”
James inhaled deeply. Then he looked Trace straight in the eye and said confidently, “I want to suck your cock.”