Chapter 45
TRACE
The trust you place in me.
I rolled until I was on top of James and bracketed his thighs with my knees.
Cradling his head with one hand, I lowered myself towards him.
He opened his mouth as soon as our lips connected.
Hot and sweet, he tasted of tea and need.
He moaned as I ran my tongue over his teeth, then gently sucked his tongue into my mouth, adding more suction as he arched up into my arms.
It took everything I had not to grind against him, but I held myself steady as our kisses ramped up a notch and James began to moan and writhe beneath me.
“More.” At least, I thought that was what he mumbled.
I pulled back to check. “You sure?”
“Oh, God, yes,” he whined. He hesitated, then his Adam’s apple bobbed before he confessed, “I’m so hard, I ache.” The confession, face to face, seemed to cost him a lot as I immediately sensed him withdrawing from me. I recaptured his attention by pulling gently on his hair until he looked at me.
“Do you definitely want me to help you with that?” Please say yes.
His face flushed and his gaze skittered about before he eyed me firmly. “Yeah.”
I kissed him again. “I can do that. Boxers on or off?” His cock was making a valiant attempt to escape from his form-fitting trunks.
“Off.” It was the merest whisper, but I could sense the amount it took for James to trust me.
“I’ll remove mine, then.” I slithered free, then returned to cover his body with mine. “Now, where were we?”
He tensed as I lowered myself. “James, what is it?” Shit, he had totally frozen. “Hey, come back to me, sweetheart.” I eased to the side, freeing him, and captured his face in my hand. “Are you all right?”
He blinked a few times, then swallowed. “Umm, maybe I could be on top? If that’s okay?”
I shot off him and landed on the mattress beside him, instantly giving him some space.
Of course he was unhappy being caged in, even if that hadn’t been my intention.
Apart from anything else, I was a lot bigger than him, although I doubted that was behind his anxiety.
Once again, that fucker Cormack was to blame.
I’d happily go back in time and join Edwin in staking him all over again.
“I’m an idiot. It didn’t occur to me not to get on top.”
“It’s okay. Really,” he insisted when I didn’t move a muscle. “I want you to make me come. A-and the rest.” Another blush that could set fire to my home. Goddess, he was hot when he squirmed. I tapped his leg.
“We can stay like this, side by side, if you like?” He nodded. “I really want to stroke you.”
“Yeah, do it.” His whispered pleas were going to be the end of me.
I leaned across to grab some lube and slicked up my hand. Taking him in a firm grasp, I shunted my palm up his shaft at the same time I returned my tongue to his mouth. Instantly, he thrust into my fist and I arched towards him, grinding my own cock against his upper thigh. We both moaned.
“Can you…can you do it like..?” James was still blushing, but I stroked him again and silently communicated he should try again. “Like in porn, both of us together,” he blurted in a rush.
Oh, sweetheart. You look at me like that and I’ll do anything you want.
I shifted until I could wrap my hand around both our cocks, then began a slow up and down. James’ pupils grew to the size of saucers. “Jeezus…that’s hot,” he slurred.
Adjusting my grip, I pulled him close for another scorching kiss. James gasped, then his cock pulsed under my fingers, clear fluid trickling from the slit. His eyes rolled back in their sockets, and a smile spread across his face. “Oh Goddd…”
He suddenly laid his hand over mine and shook his head. “Don’t want to come like this.”
Oh? “Then how?”
He audibly gulped, seemingly having a silent conversation with himself. Then he blurted, “I’d like to fuck you. If, if you’d…”
The bed became too insubstantial to hold me together. I stared blindly at James, processing what he’d said. I finally gathered the remnants of my scrambled brain enough to ask, “Me? Not Eddie?”
“Why not you?” he retorted. When I made a flailing gesture, he shrugged. “Just ’cause I met him first don’t mean shit. We’re all together, aren’t we?” When I yet again failed to respond, he bit his lower lip. “Did I say it wrong?”
Goddess, no! “Absolutely not.” My voice came out more firmly.
“I was just so surprised. I know polyamorous relationships don’t have to be and realistically can’t be ‘equal’” — I made finger quotes — “but I assumed if you ever wanted this, it would be with Eddie. Or, at least, the first time.” I threw my hair back off my shoulders and sat up to pull him against me.
“Don’t doubt for a second that I want this.
I’m a natural switch and I’ve been going a little crazy for lack of a cock in my arse for longer than I care to remember. ”
James sniggered. “I’ve seen what’s in your bedside drawer, you big liar.”
I chuckled. “You little shit. I meant a cock belonging to a person, not a toy. As you know perfectly well.”
He giggled, then cleared his throat. “So, you want to then? Even though I’ve never done this and I’ll probably be crap at it.”
I kissed him until he was breathless. “I know you’ve been with women before. It’s not that different, apart from needing lube. You will not be crap. And even if you are, everyone has a first time. I don’t mind practising a lot.” I leered at him until his lips curved upwards, then he nodded.
At his instigation, I lay on my back, facing him. He handed me a pillow. “You want this?” Back to shy James. I shoved it under my hips and dragged him down to thoroughly plunder his mouth.
“We don’t need condoms,” I explained. “I’m not quite as impervious to death and destruction as Eddie, but I know where you’ve been.”
“Just as well, seeing as I doubt you have any, and I’m not breaking the mood by running to the corner shop.” His eyes crinkled. I wanted more than ever to keep that smile on his face.
Except, slamming into me from nowhere came a doubt so huge, it temporarily robbed me of my breath.
“Mushroom,” I croaked as soon as I forced some air into my lungs. “Mushroom, red. Fuck, I can’t.”
James catapulted off the bed, his face a mask of horror. “What did I do?” His eyes were wide and glassy.
I shook my head and reached out to encircle his wrist to drag him back to me. “Nothing, darling. I swear it’s not you.”
I felt him tense up. “They always say that.”
I needed to make myself clear before he had a panic attack, or worse, bolted. “I swear by the divine Goddess herself, I promise you, James, this is about me. Please listen, baby.” I used my free hand to pull the sheet up to cover my groin, then patted the space next to me. “Please?”
I held my breath until he gave me the barest nod, only releasing it fully when he came to lie against me with his head on my shoulder. He was trembling, so I rearranged the covers and held him in silence until he was still against me.
“It’s Eddie,” I said finally. “Don’t get me wrong, I’ve not changed my mind about wanting to be the one you fuck first, because I love him dearly but I’m also still vain enough that it appeals to my fucked-up sense of irritation he stormed off that way, but—”
“But you don’t want to be the cause of a resentment that starts to fester further down the line?” James volunteered.
I glanced down at him looking up at me through his overlong fringe.
“Thought you said you were thick?” I challenged him.
“Eddie and I have both told you often enough you’re not, and now you’ve just proved it categorically.
” I sighed. “Exactly this. I’m worried he would find it a breach of…
not trust precisely, but a stretching of the understanding we have as a threesome. ”
James’ echoing sigh was a gusty, resigned thing. “You’re right. God, I’m so stupid. I could have ruined everything.”
“Stop it!” I snapped. “You are not stupid. We were horny, and our cocks overrode our brains.” I huffed derisively. “There certainly wasn’t much blood flow to my brain just now.”
Blessedly, James grinned. “Nor mine.” Another sigh. “We really are basic creatures when it comes down to it, aren’t we?”
“Yep. Why d’you think Eddie’s screwed his way through the last century? Beats having to think.”
We lay in contemplative silence for a while. I breathed him in, gratitude for not having blown it and caused James to run off running molten through my veins. Eventually though, he became restless.
“What’s on your mind?” I asked.
He burrowed into my chest again so his words were muffled. “I’m still so fucking horny.”
I ran a hand between us and confirmed that yes, he was.
“Nothing to say we can’t get off. Just not like we’d planned.
” His breathing sped up. Confident I’d got his attention, I continued.
“How should we do it? Like we were before, perhaps? Or maybe you want to put on a show for me, or vice versa? The only limit is our imagination.”
James pushed up so our gazes snagged. “The limit won’t matter if you keep talking dirty. I told you, I’m horny.” He caught my fingers in his and held them still. “I need my boxers back on.”
I was about to protest that was contrary to getting off, but of course, this was James.
I watched him slide back into his shorts, wincing as he attempted to stuff his very erect morning wood fully inside.
He lay back down beside me, but this time propped himself up on the pillows which he folded to keep him more upright.
“Can you…can you tell me what to do?” he whispered, two scarlet slashes on the ridges of his cheekbones. “Make me be dirty…”
My own dick spurted at his request. “Yeah, sure,” I rasped, dizzy with want for this brave man who was learning to voice his desires even when his discomfort over speaking up was written across his face.
I gave my balls a careful squeeze, then ran my fist up my length, unable to prevent a groan slipping free.
“Suck your thumbs,” I said hoarsely. “Both of them at the same time. Stuff your mouth with them. Get them nice and wet. Then rub them over your nipples.”
“Huh.” James grunted as he went to work. His cock twitched wildly in the confines of the straining fabric of his boxers. When he transferred his digits to his nubs, he moaned far louder than I had. “Oh, God.”
“Imagine that’s me and Eddie, sucking your nips. Raking our teeth over those hard buds, licking and nibbling in tandem. We’re going to push you over the edge without ever touching your co—”
“Fuuuuck!” His back arched as his orgasm hit, his pelvis thrusting against thin air. Cum seeped through the dark cloth and I groaned at the sight.
“James, you’re killing me here, baby.”
With his eyes closed, he murmured, “Bring yourself off. Come all over me. Not in my hair though. Wanna watch you lose it.” He had his nipples in a death grip, each pinched between forefinger and thumb.
I kneeled up, then hesitated. “From the side, or…?”
One eye popped open. “Kneel over me. Just, not too close?”
I could do that. “Better open both your eyes. It’s not going to take long.” I’d be lucky if I got half a dozen strokes in, I was so turned on.
In the end, I didn’t count, but I don’t think I’d have needed to use my toes. I came with a blinding rush, jerking a fountain of cum over James’ stained shorts, his belly, and even his chest.
I sat back on my heels, breathing hard, my head spinning from the force of my orgasm. “Holy crap,” I uttered weakly. “That was insanely hot.”
“Yeah, it was.” James’ echo lacked enthusiasm. I focused my gaze and regarded him, painted with my cum, his face and chest rosy with arousal, and blue eyes full of guilt.
“Oh, baby. You’re already beating yourself up because you think we’ve been unfair to Eddie, don’t you?
” He gave a single miserable jerk of his head.
“Oh, you sweet man. Let me grab something to clean us up, and we’ll talk about this.
I won’t be a moment.” I dampened a flannel under the hot water tap and grabbed a towel.
James lay like a tin soldier, but he allow me to wipe him down, so I counted it as a partial win. I threw the soggy items to the carpet and climbed back onto the bed, this time tucking myself under the duvet so I aligned with James.
“Would a hug help?”
He shrugged, then moved into my space and turned his face against my shoulder. “I hate my brain,” he said into the muscle. “Fucking stupid, useless lump of pulp.”
“I’m quite fond of your brain,” I said lightly. “It’s delightfully kinky.”
His ‘humph’ was gruff, but I sensed him coming down a little from the plateau of self-flagellation he’d been perched on.
I pushed on with encouraging him to step back down to the ground.
“You know, we didn’t do anything wrong. We kissed, a lot.
And then we wanked. With mutual directions.
Which isn’t exactly ground-breaking territory.
Eddie and I have done a lot more than that before now. You know that too.”
His sigh could have powered an industrial fan. Eventually, he lifted his head to meet my eyes.
“You’re right. I know you’re right. I can’t seem to get that into my skull though. Eddie would probably be pleased we’ve been—” He wiggled his fingers. “—whatever we were doing. Getting off? Yeah, that. So why don’t I think so?”
“He’d be thrilled,” I agreed. “But regardless of what Eddie will think, you need to believe it.” I kissed him, as sweetly as I could. “What do you want to do now?”
He stretched, yawned, and burrowed back under the covers. “Nap. Orgasm got me good.”
“Then sleep, sweetheart. I won’t be far.
” I kissed his forehead this time, all I could see, and got up.
James was asleep before I got as far as the door.
I stood and watched him for a while simply because I could.
I was so proud of him. He’d shown a huge degree of trust in me by voicing his desires so openly and trusting me to fulfil them, all without having Edwin around to act as his safety buffer.
Apparently, I had now been promoted to safety buffer status too.
That warmed my soul like nothing else. James trusted me.
By the Goddess, I loved him so much. Our gorgeous, battered-but-not-down Yorkshire rose.
Smiling to myself like the sap I undoubtedly was, I gathered up the dirty clothes for the laundry and went to take a shower.