Fourteen #2
He flushes and takes a step back. “They really parade you around?” he asks.
I nod and shrug. “It annoyed me at first but then, I decided to think about it through a different lens. We get a lot of attention right now, both good and bad. But the point is, we’re out there.
Our faces are seen everywhere. There’s a whole handful of out athletes in most professional sports now.
Do you have any idea what kind of message that sends? ”
Zak tilts his head.
“Let me try this: when I was in school, there were maybe two out athletes in hockey. Two. And they kept a very low profile. When I was drafted, I made the conscious decision to be one of those out athletes because I knew how important it was to me to see role models I could identify with. There were two gay men playing professional sports. I might not have been their biggest fans, but I looked up to them because it reminded me that I could be one of them without hiding my truth.”
“Were you out as a kid?”
I shrug. “Meh. Yes and no. I had an expected role to fill, and it came easy enough since I’m pretty indifferent to gender when it comes to attraction.
And women were always there, whereas men weren’t.
As cliché as it might sound, it wasn’t until college when I started to truly explore myself and stumbled upon a label that fit me.
However, I did keep that label to myself until after I was drafted, and my contract was signed.
I didn’t want my orientation to play a part in the draft at all—whether it be a team looking to get the attention from choosing a LGBTQIA+ athlete or one trying to avoid having one. ”
“That’s a lot to think about,” Zak says.
“It is and it isn’t. It was a small blip in my life.
I have a ton of support now, and even though the league uses us in a misguided way, I do appreciate how we’re visible to other kids who maybe need a little bit of encouragement to be themselves and still pursue their dreams. It’s also put me in a unique position where I have friends who know exactly what I go through every day because they do too. ”
Zak smiles as he looks out at the sea of people.
We spend the rest of the night talking. The conversation is much lighter and we don’t talk about anything personal. I find that I love to watch Zak interact. He’s enthusiastic and filled with smiles. By the time dinner comes around, he’s famished again.
We take a few passes through the silent auction and I pick up a signed rugby jersey at the live auction for my nephew.
As the night winds down, I’m wishing time would stand still. Slow down. I’m not ready for my time with Zak to be over. But far too soon, we’re heading for the coat check and I’m watching him climb into his arctic weather gear.
When the limo pulls up, I’m sure it’s managed to drop another ten degrees. Zak rushes for the open door and practically dives in. I follow much slower because I still don’t want the night to end.
I pull Zak across the seat and tuck him into my side. He’s already pulled off his hat and all the extra layers have been pushed to the side. I kiss his head as he cuddles into me.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come home with me?” I ask.
His dark eyes flicker up to mine. The interior is dimly lit with softly backlit fixtures so while I can’t see him clearly, I can see him.
Zak’s eyes are big as he stares into mine. He’s got his bottom lip between his teeth. I can tell that he wants to say yes. It’s written all over his face. I’m just not sure what’s holding him back.
“I can’t,” he says at last, bowing his head.
As much as I’d like to push and press him as to why, I don’t. Instead, I pick up his sexy ass and bring him into my lap so I can wrap around him as completely as I’m able. His thick jacket is in the way, but that doesn’t stop me from holding him as tight as possible.
He tucks into me, burying his cold nose against my neck. His hands dig into my jacket.
There we stay for the duration of the ride. I instruct the driver to go to Zak’s building instead of the building we picked him up in front of. Zak doesn’t argue, which means I at least have that much right.
Traffic isn’t nearly as bad close to midnight in the city as it is during the day. There are still far too many vehicles on the road, but it cuts down the time considerably. Which means all too soon, we’re pulling up to Zak’s apartment.
Very, very reluctantly, I let him go. Zak’s slow to bundle back up again, but before he can bury himself behind the scarf, I bring his mouth to mine and kiss him deeply. I want him to taste me. To taste how much I fucking want him.
“Please call me,” I say.
The way he doesn’t meet my eyes and doesn’t so much as nod tells me all I need to know. He’s not going to. I let him out and watch as the driver hands over the plethora of bags filled with food. I’m convinced that there are a few more than what we’d left behind. I smile as Zak thanks him.
He rushes to the door as the driver rounds the car. We don’t move until Zak is safely inside, only then does the limo drive away. A piece of me stays behind.