34. Erin
Chapter thirty-four
Erin
We made it back to Seth’s place, having stopped at the liquor store on our way. I waited in the car while Seth ran in and grabbed a few bottles of god-knew-what and mixers. My buzz from the restaurant was still in full swing when we parked in front of his house.
“What the hell did you get? That’s enough for a house full of people.”
“I got a few things.” A sly smile formed on his lips.
I rolled my eyes as he opened the passenger door for me. “So, chivalrous. What a gentleman.” He chuckled and helped me out of his car.
“Always am, Snow. Always am.”
“Nuh, uh. Not with me.” I slurred as I swatted him off.
Seth shook his head as his eyes grazed the length of my arm that was in his gentle grasp. “I’d do it more, if you’d actually let me, Rin.”
I turned my head away as heat rushed to my cheeks and mumbled, “If you say so.”
He shoved the key in the doorknob and pushed it open, motioning for me to head over to the living room while he sorted through his haul, and mixed together a few concoctions.
I tapped away on my phone, pulling up notes from class on Leonora, hoping to review a bit before diving in and pulling off a twenty-five page paper over the next few days without losing my mind. The screen gave me nothing but a bunch of scribbled nonsense from a few classmates and a couple of vulgar drawings. I sighed.
This is going to suck major ass.
“Hey, no work tonight, Rin.” I jumped, Seth’s deep voice boomed from behind me. He reached over and plucked my phone from my fingertips, tossing it onto the floor, and replaced it with a large bluish-green drink.
“Hey! You could’ve cracked the screen,” I whined. “Jeez!”
“But I didn’t. Relax, Sweetheart. Try the drink, I think you’ll like it.”
I glared at him as he hopped over the couch, landing next to me; the thought of shooting a small fireball at him crossed my mind. I took a sip of the drink he handed me, my eyes widening. “There’s booze in this? It’s fucking delicious!”
He let out a low laugh, it reverberated through my bones, squeezing itself around the quickening muscle within my chest. “What do you think? Pretty good, huh?” Seth took a long pull from his, a smirk behind his glass.
“Why do you keep doing that?” I asked, taking another hefty gulp of my own bluish goodness.
“Keep doing what?” Seth arched his eyebrow and finished off his drink in record time.
“Calling me Sweetheart. It’s weird.”
He shrugged and got up, eyeing my cup. “You want another one?”
I knocked it back and handed him the empty cup. “You didn’t answer me.” I brought my legs up to the couch, tucking them under myself as I twisted toward the open kitchen.
He tossed some blue liquor into a cobbler shaker and followed it up with some clear-greenish liquor. I squinted and saw it was a flavored moonshine.
Oh, this is going to hit me hard as shit.
Seth dropped the top of the cobbler on and shook it. His arms flexing with the movement as he threw some oomph into it. I caught myself salivating.
“You’d make a killing as a bartender.” It slipped out before I could stop myself.
He smirked. “Oh yeah?”
“One thousand percent. You’d rack up tips like crazy. And the ladies would be all over you.” I laughed, ignoring the slight twang in my chest.
I blinked. From across the room, his eyes darkened. His mouth twitched. “What if I wasn’t concerned about the ‘ladies’ aspect?”
“Well, considering you are a guy, who is above average height, rather attractive—as most women would think—and ooze Golden Retriever vibes, I’d say you’re either in denial or pulling my leg.” There was no denying the blush that overtook the entirety of my face and neck.
If any of this comes back to bite me in the morning, I’m chalking it up to being absurdly drunk.
He narrowed his eyes. “Golden Retriever vibes? I remind you of a damn dog?”
“Okay, first off, Goldens are freaking adorable so calm the frick frack down, Sassy Pants. Secondly, yeah. It’s like, a guy who is super easy going, carefree, and like your best friend. Huge heart and super sweet. Like a Golden Retriever.”
“So, you are comparing me to a dog?” He craned his neck towards me. His forehead creased, brows pushing together in confusion.
“Ugh, no! I just. I’m just saying you’re a good guy and any girl would be crazy about you.”
He paused, his gaze catching mine. “What about you?”
I froze. “I. I…Seth, you’re my best friend,” I stammered. His face fell.
“Yeah, best friend.” Seth’s shoulders slumped as he walked over, drinks in hand.
Fix it, Snow!
“Wait, Seth. That’s not. That’s not what I mean. I mean, obviously, I’m not blind,” he perked up a little. “We’ve just been friends so long, best friends…I don’t want to ruin anything.” I grabbed my cup, my fingers grazed his, my eyes glued to his.
“How do you know anything would be ruined?” He tilted his head, his pupils dilated. The darkest depths of the ocean glimmered within them, drawing me in.
I can’t.
“I…I…I’m not someone you’d want to be with Seth. I mean look at me. I’m average, if that. I blend in. Besides this past nightmare of a month, my nose is usually stuck in a book. I’m a mess and a half. I mean, hell, my own father went running in the opposite direction. I have zero friends outside of you,” I wobbled my head a bit. “Okay, maybe you and Ashlin. And Libby and Derik seem to tolerate me. But that’s it. The coolest thing about me is I can apparently spit fire and lightning from my fingers. And that’s only recent. You could do better.”
“What if I don’t want to do better, Erin?” He paused, seeing the hurt on my face. He swore under his breath. “That’s not what I mean,” he ran his fingers through his hair, gripping it as he pulled it back. “What I mean is, you’re more than that. So much more and I…wish you could see yourself the way I see you. The way the world sees you.” His eyes desperately searched mine.
“Libby and Derik consider you family. Josh even likes your company. And his cranky ass can’t stand anybody. Ashlin would be lost in the library stacks without you. Hell. I would be lost without you, Rin.”
He took my drink from me and set it on the coffee table. His voice cracked as he reached for my hands, clasping them within his own. “You’re smart. Beautiful. Your eyes shine like the sky in the early light. Your laugh, your presence, it lights up the room. You bring so much joy to so many people and you don’t even realize it. Erin, you…you are so much more than just my best friend. I know you think I have some big brother complex with you but that couldn’t be further from the truth.” I waited with baited breath.
Seth…
He squeezed my hand. “And what happened with your dad. That wasn’t your fault. You were fourteen. No one knows what the hell happened to him. No one. We’ve looked. My uncle, he looked, searched every nook and cranny before he died. That had nothing to do with you. And you didn’t cause him to run off. That’s on him. Not you. You are not to blame for his actions.”
Tears welled, threatening to flood my eyes. “I don’t know what to say,” I whispered.
Seth moved closer and leaned in. He pulled me close as he rested his chin against the top of my head. “You don’t have to say anything, Rin.”
I nestled into his embrace as his fingers traced circles along my spine. “Thank you.” I sniffed, my lip pouting.
He let out a soft chuckle. “Anytime, Sweetheart.” He swiped his thumb across my cheek.
My lip wobbled.
Seth moved his thumb under my chin, tilting my face up towards his. “Rin, you really are drunk, aren’t you?”
I quickly nodded my head as a sob escaped my lips.
His eyes softened and he reached his arms around me. “Why don’t we head to bed? You want me to carry you to your room?”
I nodded my head and added, “Can I sleep with you, tonight? Please? With Libby not here, it… it feels empty in there.” It was a partial lie. We’ve grown close over the last month and a half. I was getting used to being around her bubbly energy and I found that I missed it, even if just for a night. And…I didn’t want to sleep alone. Not with everything in my system.
I didn’t want to risk the fears and pains I shoved down threatening to make themselves known.
Seth hadn’t responded. I pulled back, and looked up to find him staring at me. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, Rin. Not at all,” he paused; a faint smile grazed the corner of his mouth, almost sad. “You’re always welcome, anytime you need.”