CHAPTER 20
“How can three emotions be stronger than the rest? There are so many powerful things we feel beyond just these three.”
“Because from these three are born all rashness, ill will, and folly.”
—Recounting from the private diary of Jerris, Dragonbound
SERAE
Early Autumn, Tuskimon 1036
Back in Drakh, I bid Kappa farewell at the stables with promises to bring her more peppermint treats tomorrow, then headed straight to my room for a hot soak.
I unbraided my hair and washed it, luxuriating in the heat of the bathwater.
When I got out, little white flowers floated on the surface.
Their soft scent wafted toward me. Jasmine.
“You will learn to make them at your command.”
“When?”
“When you’re ready to begin.”
“I’m ready.”
“Sleep first.”
I did need sleep, but with the sun streaming in through my windows, I only managed a few hours before I was up again. I would have training that afternoon anyway. I was still dressing when Callagh burst into the room.
“My lady, I’m glad I found you,” Callagh said, grabbing my arm.
I fastened my vest and adjusted my skirts. My hair was still loose, wild, and damp. “I was just headed to the kitchens to order a tray.”
“No need, I’ve had one set for you in the Relaxation Room.” Callagh’s smile was a bit too wide.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “Why?”
“I figured you needed a break. You had a long night. Was I wrong?”
“No.” I slid my arm into hers. “Of course not. Thank you, that sounds perfect.” We crossed the hall and ducked into my favorite tapestried, carpeted, pillowed respite.
Two trays were already waiting, and I immediately plopped down on a stack of pillows.
Beneath the tray cover were thin sandwiches filled with veggies, creams, nuts, and sauces.
I counted out four varieties, plus a pile of fruits.
“What’s the occasion?” I smiled at Callagh.
“Your first successful mission.”
My lifelight dimmed at the reminder. Bringer of death. I popped the end of the first sandwich into my mouth, and, Great Dragon, it was heaven.
“I appreciate the effort,” Vaya’la offered at my oath.
“I’m glad you noticed. Maybe now you’ll stop whining.”
“I do not whine.”
I laughed in her direction, and a great harrumphing sounded in my head. I had to stifle a real laugh.
I took another bite, and the walnut, apple, and sweet, creamy sauce took over my senses.
I could eat this sandwich all day, every day.
The door opened, and Wep walked in with that intense look in his eyes he could never get rid of.
His hair, too, was washed, damp, and loose.
His shirt was askew, with wet spots on his shoulders from his hair.
My eyes darted to Callagh, who was smirking like a cat. Her tray was untouched.
“Hungry?” she asked him, all sweet and innocent. I saw right through that. “Bracht set you a tray in here.”
“Me?” Of course, Wep was confused. He was probably tricked into coming here, same as me.
“Obviously. Who else gets trays besides the two of you recluses?”
“Ah.” He looked like he needed rescuing, but I was very much staying out of it.
“I was just leaving anyway.” Callagh rose to her feet and tossed me a not-so-subtle wink. “Have fun, you two.”
I gawked at her. So, Callagh and Bracht were in this together. My world tilted as I reassessed the covert looks I’d seen Callagh throw at Wep, where Bracht was always a step behind.
“This room is for relaxing, not fun,” I called after her.
She ignored me and left. She could escape from me now, but later, we’d be having words.
“I thought you wanted to be alone with this one. You seemed to enjoy him last time.” Now Vaya’la was laughing. “And the time before.”
“Whatever,” I grumbled.
Wep was still standing in the doorway, arms crossed left over right, staring at me in a way I couldn’t handle. “That’s for me?” he asked.
I nodded, then thought better of it. “Don’t ask me. Callagh dragged me in here. Your tray was already waiting.” I wished he’d do something—sit down, leave—rather than just looming in the doorway. Either way, it didn’t matter to me. Or so I told myself.
He must’ve heard my prayers, because he crossed the room and sank into the pillow across from me, the low table between us.
Under his tray cover was the exact same array that had been prepared for me.
I had no idea what had gotten into Bracht to plan something like this, but Callagh should know better.
Wep may be inconveniently attractive, and we may have shared that one—two—okay, three glorious, invigorating moments, but that didn’t turn him into my betrothed.
Nothing could turn him into his brother.
Wep eyed his plate, then mine, putting pieces together.
“They’re plotting if you ask me, but who knows what.”
He hummed in non-acknowledgment, keeping his thoughts to himself.
Fine. I’d have to push.
I layered on my most gregarious tone and leaned toward him—just a bit. “Tell me, what does the great weaponmaster do when it’s his turn to relax? I’ve never seen you use this room before.”
He shrugged. “Not much opportunity.”
“You brought me in here once before.”
He swallowed a bite of his sandwich. “I did. Where’s the usual crew?”
I shrugged. Off gallivanting somewhere, celebrating the previous night’s victory, no doubt.
I had hoped to spend my time before afternoon training alone.
Vaya’la and I had an important date—expanding our connection and beginning to learn control.
After last night, it was only a matter of time until he started asking questions that I wasn’t ready to answer.
His mouth opened, then closed. He took a deep breath.
I needed to redirect to anything else. “Should we talk about it?” Fuck, fuck, fuck! Anything but that!
He looked up at me. “Your bierla?” he asked at the same time I said, “That kiss.”
His eyes darkened, gaze dropping to my lips and continuing down. It gave me hope that he was every bit as affected by this as I was. But it had to stop. We needed to establish that it would never happen again. No matter how good he tasted and felt and smelled and…I was in so much trouble.
“Should we talk about ground rules or something?”
“Do you want them?”
“Maybe,” I whispered.
His wandering eyes traced down my lips, my face, my neck, and it burned in a way that threatened to consume me. He drank me in, and I would be putty in his arms if he moved even an inch closer.
“Wep…” I breathed. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t make it stop.
He leaned in, like he might take the chance to taste me—if only I would let him. Great Dragon, I wanted to.
No.
I couldn’t keep making this mistake. “That look is what got us into trouble in the first place,” I said, trying to ruin the moment.
His eyebrow quirked in that way I liked, and fuck, that beautiful smirk. Everything about this man was entirely unfair. “Trouble, huh? So, you don’t want more of it.”
My core clenched at the thought of exactly how much trouble we could get into. I tried to swallow a moan, but it escaped as an idiotic squeak.
“You don’t want my lips on your neck. My hands in your hair.”
I couldn’t stop myself from leaning into him. Yes. That was exactly what I wanted.
“You don’t want to let those wandering hands of yours roam free over my body.”
Yes, I wanted to touch him so badly that my hands were shaking.
“You want to keep this table between us, then?” He reached for me, tracing his thumb down the side of my face.
Yes, yes, yes. His fingers continued down my neck, resting at the hollow of my collarbone, but I wanted more. I wanted his touch absolutely everywhere. I needed him to keep going.
“Yes,” I encouraged him, leaning in to give him more access.
His hand didn’t move.
I opened my eyes, fearful of what I might see there. Maybe he’d woken from this madness. Maybe he’d realized that, even if his brother was an ass, he was still family.
“I need to know what you want,” he said, voice raw with hunger.
“Fuck, Wep, you know what I want.” We both knew exactly what.
“I need to hear you say it.”
I want you to take me right here on this table and don’t stop until I’m screaming your name.
Is that what he wanted to hear? A vision of Tam flittered through my mind of the last time we were together.
The last time I was with anyone. Regret twisted in my gut.
I wanted to give in, throw every scrap of duty and expectation away, and just fall into his arms. But what kind of person would that make me?
I pulled back. I wouldn’t be staying in the Riht, or maybe I would be. The fact that I didn’t even know was bad enough. Either way, I couldn’t do this. I was not about to leave this trail of destruction in my wake. Steeling my resolve, I stood. “This is a mistake. I can’t—we can’t keep doing this.”
Before I could change my mind, I booked it to the door. Wep huffed out a sigh, the air forced from his lungs like I’d delivered a blow straight to his chest. I couldn’t stop now. I had to do what needed to be done.
“I need space,” I said to him with as much finality as I could muster and left.
DESPITE VAYA’LA’S protests that we begin training immediately, I sought out Callagh.
With one look at my face, she offered up a visit to the market with no questions asked.
We left the keep in silence. At the market, we bought root vegetables, waxy greens, and berries so dark black they might have been made of the night itself.
I gave them to the rotund woman at the kitchen window—Kish, my assigned cook—who made me a special dish that I took on a tray to my room.