Chapter 36
“The egg is stoning?” Roe shakes her head, her forked carrot dangling precariously over the dinner table. “How is that possible?”
“Either the rider is actively dying or we’ve run out of time,” Jace replies. He brings his wine to his lips. “Either are likely possibilities, I’m afraid.”
“Then we need to go to Sea, hunt down this new lead, and bring them to the egg as soon as possible,” Isra says. His eyes wash over me with a conversation yet acknowledged, and my cheeks ignite.
“I agree.” I swallow my humiliation like bile. I could smell your…Astora, smite me where I stand.
“That’s easier said than done, Is. They denied my crossing request before it even reached Mercora’s council." Jace’s gaze rallies between Isra and me, singeing everything in its wake.
“Why?” I blurt, desperate for relief from both of their relentless stares.
“Sea and Shadow are fragile allies. Their demand is one I will not meet,” Jace replies. Roe’s grown silent, hiding behind her stewed venison.
“What is it? Stipen? I know you’re not above bribery, Jace Ashborne,” I say.
My own plate stays untouched, but the rock in my stomach curdles any hint of an appetite I can muster. There’s too much whirling through me to bear. The egg, Samkiel, Jace, even the tracking link left unforgotten ripples down my spine.
Another pyre I dance too closely around.
“No, not stipen. We’ll find another way to the rider. Maybe we can draw them out. Nova, do you have connections in Sea?” Jace tucks a curl behind his ear. “Perhaps a client or past job?”
“No, only Finnick communicates with clients. They’re nameless to us.” My eyes wander to Isra and I recoil when I catch his stare. “You’re telling me as the King of Shadow, you cannot obtain a crossing sanction? Your house is one of the most powerful on this continent…”
“Not when it comes to Sea, their borders are entirely closed, but I appreciate the compliment, starling.” He smirks, as if we hadn’t just ripped one another to shreds. My fists curl around my fork until the metal digs in.
“What is it they want so badly then? Surely, the guardian is important enough to bend to their will?”
“No. We’ll find another way,” Jace growls.
“There’s no time for another way. Have you forgotten the egg is stoning? Or maybe your friend Samkiel, who’ve you’ve yet to tell me about? We’re facing enemies from every direction. I think offering the defeat of some monarchy bullshit is justified here!”
“I said no.” Jace’s fist against the table rattles our glassware. “Don’t press the matter any fucking further, starling. There are things you don’t know.”
“And there are things you’ve yet to tell me. In the mood to spill some secrets, King Ashborne? Because it’s now or never.”
The room chills, and the candles, scattered between the dinner spread, flicker.
“You know nothing, Nova Lindwen.”
“I’ve learned enough to know you’re full of shit, Jace Ashborne.”
Jace’s canines flash. “We will find another way.”
Isra clears his throat, a gracious fracture of the tension buzzing between us. “Why don’t we regroup in the morning?”
“Good plan, Is,” Jace says, his inky eyes still locked with mine. “It seems there are plenty of conversations better had in my absence.”
My eyes widen. There it is. The hint of jealousy laced in his tone. His anger isn’t merely from being pushed to the breaking point, nor is it the terror of our uncertainty. Jace’s gaze again darts between Isra and mine. He’s jealous…of Isra? Fuck, I’ve buried myself deeper than I thought.
“Okay, what’s happening right now?” Roe stands from her seat, fork still tucked between her lips.
“That’s none of your concern,” I snip, using the phrase she’s cut me with time and again. Silence looms like a nightmare between the four of us.
“Which of them did you fuck, courier? I can’t tell…” Roe says with a vicious laugh. Jace’s eyes close with a furious breath and Isra buries his face in his stew.
“I’ve lost my appetite.” I shove out of my seat, heart pumping with the guilt of the mess I’ve made. I can’t hold myself together any longer. Not after everything that’s happened in the last forty-eight hours.
Before any of them can respond, I start for the door and run—just as I always do.
They deserve so much more than me, more than this pathetic, hollow corpse filled with lies, but I can’t will myself to change.
I’ve met their expectations time and again—using Isra’s warmth when all I’ve felt is cold, accepting Jace’s triple payout when all I wanted was to run, soon enough I’ll disappear for good and everyone will be for the better.
Isra’s knock on my door an hour or so later isn’t unexpected. The lingering awkwardness between us needs to be addressed, and with the astronomical stakes laid out before us, we can’t afford anymore bullshit.
“Hey.” He bites his lip. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
He’s cautious enough to avoid the intimate air of my bedchambers and for that, I’m grateful.
I nod and follow his lead down the stairs, past the ruined table, and the arboretum.
My throat dries with glimpses of our drunken haze as we pass the armchairs we’d once sat in, whispering secrets and reckless feelings.
“I’m sorry about last night, Is. I was drunk.” I fall into step beside him.
He draws in a breath and turns to me. “We both were, and I may have been too forward with you.”
The gardens sing under silvery moonlight, casting all too silent shadows over frosty grass and yellowing leaves.
“No, you weren’t. You were being a friend and I took advantage of that. I’m sorry if I fucked things up, I…” My fingers curl around my biceps. “I’m a mess.”
“You’re right in that you might’ve fucked things up, but not between us. What’s casual sex between friends, eh?” He raises a devilish brow. “We’re both adults, are we not?”
“That definitely didn’t feel…casual…to me.” I scoff.
“Nova.” His boot sends a pebble scattering across the manicured lawn as we stop. “My ego aside, there is no animosity between us. I promise you that.”
Warmth pools in my chest, swiftly replaced by the frigid emptiness I’ve grown accustomed to.
“Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for Jace. You and I work better as friends, simply because of King Gloom. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, and you at him if I’m being honest,” he offers with an understanding smile.
“Absolutely not.” I laugh, but the facade wavers. “He would’ve killed me if it weren’t for you.”
We hate each other, right?
I despise him, right?
Jace Ashborne is a monster born only from nightmare and cruelty, right?
“And once upon a time, I would’ve killed you if it weren’t for Jace.” Isra lowers himself to a stone bench. “Now look at us.”
“I guess that’s true…”
The fountain frozen in time lurks beside us with eerie silence, but it’s not the glassy flow fluttering through my chest.
“You can apologize that little heart out all you want, but the air between us is clear. I promise.”
“Gods, Is, I don’t deserve your friendship,” I reply, fighting the ache in my throat.
“Yes, you do. I meant what I said last night, even if I was a drunken bastard. You’re not a bad person, Nova.” He tucks a silver lock behind my ear. “You just might need a little reminding of that.”
I tell myself he’s right, but the claws around my heart tighten like a vice. How can he be so blind to the greed, the selfishness flowing through me, animating my limbs? I’m forged from basalt, ash, and the ghost of a slaughtered faction.
“Thank you.” I scuff a boot.
“You don’t believe me yet, I can see it in your eyes, but I hope one day you do.”