Chapter 42
Ihadn't allowed myself a glance over the shoulder until I'd flipped the lock and slid the armoire against my bedchamber door last night. My head still spins with so many warring thoughts, but these damned hands of mine won't stop shaking.
Part of me hoped Jace might knock on my door, begged for him to come in, and show me what lurks under his skin. The thrill of a murderous chase coils in my belly, which isn’t fucking confusing at all…but the upstairs hall stayed silent, and the rasp on my door never came.
“I need you to run, Nova.”
Gods, I begged him to touch me, showed his hands where I needed them, and when I found release, it was at the mercy of his own turmoil. Guilt hurts like a bitch when it slaps me across the face, over and over again.
Selfish. Stupid. Reckless.
I was greedy enough to take what I wanted without any consideration. When granted the opportunity to let myself free, I took it.
But it was just the magic, right? Overwhelming me to the point of insanity? Why does my chest hurt like every feeling, every desire was real, then?
Was it real for him, too? Or was he simply offering relief when I drove past my breaking point? How could it be real? The only thing keeping me here is a payout, a transaction. When I nearly fled, he offered triple, knowing only stipen would buy my time.
But is it truly just wealth that tethers me to this place, these people? Or is it Jace Ashborne? Is it the way he constantly ensures I’m cared for or how he embraces me fully? Not once has he tried to suppress my force. Not once has he stifled me in the way that everyone else does.
I'm dancing over hot coals, at risk of burning any moment, but I can't pull my feet away, no matter how hard I will them.
Fuck, I'm so far under I don't know if I'll ever find my way back to the surface.
"Okay, where the fuck is Jace?" Roe shakes me from my spiral as she shifts her pack over her shoulder and scans the main house's dim interior. "And what the fuck happened to you?"
I bite my lip and finish securing my own satchel to Tenebris's saddle. "Nothing of importance."
"That crease on your brow suggests otherwise, courier." She perks her lips, but doesn't push for any actual response, thank Astora.
"Shit Roe, you're not even crossing the border with us. Did you truly think our whole damned armory necessary for the journey?" Isra asks, patting Serelyn on her scaly thigh.
"With the lurkers still gathering, and our old pal Samkiel now in the mix, I thought better to be prepared. Unlike some of us..." She rolls her eyes and tosses a pack to his boot.
Isra huffs a laugh, and secures it to Serelyn's saddle. “I guess you have a point.”
My focus blurs as I meet Tenebris’s gaze. The Blightfang rumbles a cloud of understanding. How much does he know about the protection bond and my subsequent fuck up? Enough to not panic over Jace's absence it seems. My stomach turns.
"Seriously, where is he? It's a long flight to the border." Roe taps an impatient foot on the ground.
"You're just worried about the journey home.” Isra clasps his hands together. "Serelyn will go easy on you. Don’t fret, little viper."
"Somehow, I doubt that," Roe chides, but smiles at the Jadetail anyway. I refocus on Tenebris’s saddle, checking each strap and tightening the ones that need securing. The dragon huffs when I cinch the one behind his front leg.
“Oh, sorry, Bris. Is this too tight?”
He merely stares through me. I cringe and loosen the buckle slightly.
"Good morning, starling."
Midnight and ink prick my nose. With shoulders stiff, I whirl around to find Jace, draped in black leather and hands tucked behind his back. He nods at the others, never breaking the tension between us. My pulse flutters like a bird fighting a squall.
Fuck, he looks good. The breastplate strapped to his chest highlights each cord of muscle, his hair curtains his brow in effortless dark curls, and his eyes...
gloriously vibrant with silvery flecks of starlight.
Has he always looked like this? Or is it my body's heightened response after those damned fingers of his flung me to the cosmos?
This is bad...really bad.
"Fucking finally. What took you so long, Ashborne? Styling your hair?" Roe treks toward us.
"Something like that," Jace replies, his gaze never leaving me.
"You look...well rested.” My complexion pales. Astora smite me, that's what I got? Not I'm sorry for throwing myself at you or I promise I'm not that desperate feral creature you fell victim to last night. Just you look well rested. I bite my tongue before I make an even greater fool of myself.
"So do you," he replies. For an instant, his fingers reach for mine, and I practically choke on my own saliva. Then, they're back by his sides—controlled and stiff. My body warms at the sight of those hands, sending an agonizing reminder of how they stroked my inner walls straight to my core.
Fuck, snap out of it, Nova.
"Let's mount up and get going. There's a storm blowing in from the west and I don't want to risk freezing to death."
I offer a pathetic nod and heave myself up Tenebris's shoulder. Jace settles in behind me, and gods be good, I’ve forgotten how to breathe.
His thighs press against mine, securing me in place between lean muscles.
I keep my lips tight as he weaves his hands around my waist. The rise and fall of his breath is steady compared to the rapid, frantic bursts I'm failing to master.
"Am I making you nervous?" He strokes his thumb down the pommel. My skin ignites with the lingering sensation of that damned digit tucked between my thighs. Is he toying with me? A low, breathless chuckle brushes against my ear. Oh, he absolutely knows what he’s doing. Fucking asshole.
"No," I snap.
“Good. It’s a long journey. You might as well get comfortable between my legs.”
My whole body burns. Muscles I didn’t even know existed strain with rage, or need, I can’t tell.
Before I can rip his throat out, Tenebris unfurls his wings, stretching them to their full span, and strides across the yard. Sunlight scatters off each of his scales, like they're carved from pure obsidian. He truly is glorious, in all of his terrifying beauty.
My stomach lurches as we jolt from the ground and take flight. Will I ever get used to the sudden sag of skin, fighting gravity inch for inch? Probably not but damn the thrill surges through my very core.
I glance behind us to see Isra and Roe mount. Serelyn's eyes spark as she too pumps her wings and follows our ascent.
"Hang on tight, starling." Jace tightens his grip as we climb through the clouds.
Frost-bitten air nips my cheeks and the vast taste of the sky fuels a fiery exhilaration in my blood. With each pump of Tenebris’s wings, my stomach climbs up my throat. We spin and dance in time to the whistling breeze until the cloud cover diminishes and we breach the upper atmosphere.
I take a moment to gather our bearings. Terrafyre and Shadevale peek from the swirling fog below, like monuments to the cosmos.
To the east, the continent sinks into a dark, grey coastline.
I’ve always imagined Sea to be a paradise of white beaches and warm waters, but the bleak flatlands and marshy clearings send a crest of dread crashing right through me.
Storm clouds, grey and angry, gather on the horizon, building and blistering with an impending snowfall. I tuck into Jace’s warmth, even if only to keep from shivering.
When we've finally leveled out, leaving the roiling cloud cover to ebb beneath us, my breath escapes. Tenebris's wings settle into a smooth, laminar span and we soar beside Serelyn.
Isra grins and throws a thumbs up toward us. I nearly choke on a laugh as my eyes lock on Roe, now clinging to Serelyn with a white knuckled grip.
She reminds me of a street cat I’d once found back in Smoke, scrambling and clawing at the tallest branch of a half-dead cherry tree. Under the deafening winds, I imagine she’s yowling just as the cat did, too.
"We've got a long way before we descend." Jace lets his hands fall to his thighs.
Amidst the whistling breeze, the silence between us begs to be filled. Now might be our only chance to clear the air after last night, and with all the fires surrounding us, I know I have to extinguish this one.
"I'm sorry about last night," I say.
Jace's jaw ticks. "You aren't the one who should be apologizing, Nova. I could have killed you."
"But I pushed you to that limit. You shifted because of my actions. My recklessness," I reply, my lips drier than sand.
He glances down at me through thick, wind-brushed curls. "I shifted because I lost control of my own accord. I took advantage of your heightened state, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life."
My throat dries. He thinks he's to blame for this? I want to reach out and touch him, to run my hand down his cheek and reassure him this isn’t his fault, it’s mine.
"Jace..."
"It won't happen again, Nova. I promise you."
Something snaps in my chest at the finality of his tone. Even if it requires swan diving into a darkness I might never return from, did I truly want something more than this?
"No, I..." The words die on my tongue when Jace tips my chin up. There's nothing but an impassable wall in his gaze. Did I lay those bricks or did he? I guess it doesn’t matter now. Whatever sliver of connection we once had falls away, shredded and severed.
"Let's just focus on the mission. There's too much at stake,” he says.
"Alright," I whisper, but tears still gather behind my eyes. It’s an irrational response, I know. He’s setting much needed boundaries between us, but my heart still aches.
Jace doesn’t offer more on the subject for the remainder of our flight. Hells, he only speaks a word or two when required of him.
Maybe an hour from the border, the storm hits like a shockwave, blanketing us in puffy white snow, all too reminiscent of ash. The cold up here is unlike any I’ve felt before, burrowing under my skin straight to bone.
“Here,” Jace says, wrapping a fur cloak around us.